Husband and Wife Communication

Let’s Keep it Simple 7 Points to Consider The Ideal of Marriage - Expectations The Attitude of Change Where Do I Start Listening Skills Self Observation What Can I Learn From My Spouse Boundaries in Marriage

The Ideal of Marriage — Expectations

What is the Big Picture To establish the four-position foundation, you first must go through the heart of a husband and wife. Individual Maturity Mind Body Individual God Character Family Society, Nation, World School of True Love God Husband Male Children Wife Female To experience the heart of a husband and wife you must first take responsibility for your own character. The Divine Principle reveals God’s purpose for creation. It also reveals why that purpose has not yet been realized. Therefore, even when we join as husband and wife through the Marriage Blessing, we are not yet individually mature. Only then can you experience the heart of children and the heart of parents. Sun Myung Moon

The Higher Purpose of Marriage Marriage is a relationship where two partners can console each other in times of loneliness, rejoice together in times of happiness, and help each other in times of difficulty. This is the life of marriage. Sun Myung Moon GSG138-97, 1986.1.19 God created men and women on earth rather than in heaven to realize God’s love horizontally… and their love can make a vertical relationship of love with God

Attitude of Change

It’s how much control we give them that matters. Attitude is Everything We all have our ups and downs in life It’s how much control we give them that matters. “Change your thoughts, and you change your life.”

Until you are grateful for what you have, you will never get what you want

We enter marriage with dreams and expectations for a long, successful relationship where we experience joy and happiness.

It’s how we resolve them that matters. Yet marital challenges are inevitable in any marriage. It’s how we resolve them that matters.

Through What Lens Do You View Your Spouse? It’s Your Choice to Make Understanding Respect Acceptance Appreciation Complaint Blame Rejection Shut Down or It’s Your Choice to Make

The Impact of Marital Problems Interpersonal relationships do not exist in a vacuum. If you and your spouse are having marital difficulties, they are likely to disrupt the entire family. When your marriage is not going well, your parenting skills and your children will suffer. The adults in the most successful families do not neglect marital problems. They commit themselves to spending time together as a couple and working together to resolve any misunderstandings, jealousies or conflicts. They make a commitment to communicate, praise, and forgive each other; They try to understand each other; and They routinely examine their relationship and how it can be improved. Clearly, this is not a healthy situation

Where Do I Start?

First: Be Stubbornly Married “Love is not always easy, so the key to real love is being too stubborn to let it ever go away. If you do not stubbornly insist on loving your spouse, then it is easy for that love to slip away. Love must be stubborn to survive.” Ask God for wisdom to learn whatever you need to overcome relationship obstacles that come before you. Be stubborn in doing whatever it takes to be the spouse God wants you to be. Stubbornly hold onto God and onto each other. That’s what it is to be stubbornly married. Kelsey Robertson

Healthy Communication is the Starting Point Sometimes we need Marriage Counseling. Many times we just need to learn the skills of Effective Communication. These include: Listening Skills Self Observation

Listening Skills

Listening – With Your Heart as Well as Your Ears I speak because I know my needs, I speak with hesitation because I know not yours. My words come from my life's experiences Your understanding comes from yours. Because of this, what I say, And what you hear, may not be the same. So, if you will listen carefully, Not only with your ears, But with your eyes and with your heart, Maybe, somehow, we can communicate. Herbert G. Lingren, University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cooperative

How often have you heard these statements? Effective Listening Skills How often have you heard these statements? You're not listening to me! Why don't you let me finish what I'm saying? If you only let me, I'll tell you! I may as well be talking to a brick wall! You just don't understand! But that's not what I said! Stop Talking Give the speaker your full attention Listen for what is not said, ask for clarification Listen to understand, not oppose Reflect back Be patient, don’t interrupt Men and women process information differently They give and receive love differently. Learning to accept, and be grateful for, these differences allow us to see our spouse from God’s point of view. Hold your temper Listen to why, not just the what Ask yourself: “Do I Truly Care?”

Self-Observation

We may even notice when we are truly content, peaceful and joyful. We notice when we are putting on a show for someone rather than aligning our behavior with the truth. We may notice we are pretending to be mad when we really aren’t, just to manipulate someone else’s behavior. Or, we may notice that we are thinking negative thoughts about ourselves, making us feel insecure. We may even notice when we are truly content, peaceful and joyful. Practicing self-observation allows us to see when we are behaving in alignment with our goals and our values, and when we are not.

What Can I Learn From My Spouse

It is a school, a place where the What do you think marriage is? It is a school, a place where the men learn something they did not know about women, and women learn something they did not know about men Sun Myung Moon

Has Your Spouse Become an Irritant? https://youtu.be/4dUFiWE83Ac

What Can I Learn From My Spouse? How to become a better me!! How to give love How to receive love How to let go of my ego How to see from God’s viewpoint

Why are Boundaries important in Marriage?

In a relationship there are two major areas in which we need to set boundaries with ourselves. The first deals with our lack of control over our own character, the other with our desire to exercise control over others. The highest calling of a man and a woman in a marriage is the call to love. Loving your spouse means being willing to become the best person you can be.

Setting boundaries has little to do with limiting others — it is about learning SELF-CONTROL And self-control means taking ownership of our own lives, so that we can grow in our faith and develop mature relationships with other people, particularly with our spouse. Christoph Kreitz

Boundaries With Our Own Character Self growth is our job and no one else's. However, this is not so easy because we are more concerned about the problems we see in others - particularly our spouse - than the state of our own soul. We waste our energy on changing somebody else instead of investing it into the person that we can change - ourselves Feelings Attitudes and Beliefs Values Thoughts Behaviors and Choices

Boundaries in Relationships means loving your spouse enough to change Love means that you do everything you can for your spouse, and one of the most loving things you can do for your spouse is working on your own character weaknesses while at the same time giving up the desire to control your spouse instead of yourself. For most people a marriage begins just the other way around - we try to work on the weaknesses of our spouse and have no desire to control ourselves.

Is Will-Power Enough Playing God Denial Withdrawal from Relationships Of course, we cannot just will ourselves into maturity. Our will is not strong enough to deal with our weaknesses. We will always experience defeat if we try to deal with our faults using sheer will-power Playing God Denial Withdrawal from Relationships Irresponsibility Self-Centerdness Take Responsibility

Summary

The husband and wife relationship sets the pattern for the family dynamics. How the husband and wife communicate, show respect, trust and love establishes the pattern the children will follow. Good communication is the lifeblood of a successful marriage, so when spouses stop talking at a deep level, their marriages slowly begin to die. After all, a marriage will only be as good as a couple's communication.

Some marriages need a resurrection. Others need a just bit of help. God IS alive, and wants to be invited into every marriage to work His miracles. Some marriages need a resurrection. Others need a just bit of help. God knows what you need. Even if your spouse is not open to working with you on your marriage, God can still help you in important ways (when you change maybe your spouse will start to change also). Who knows? God does. Give it to Him. With Christ, there is always hope. Cindy and Steve Wright