Dealing With Anger Developing Patience The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:20 Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Ephesians 4:26-27 Introduction: Glad to be here. Glad you showed up. This is a sensitive subject. I might be an expert on this subject because I have been one of the angriest people I know and had to apply much grace to gain victory over it. I have a burden for this topic because of two cultural trends about the issues of anger. This generation has been taught that all emotions are important, valid, must be expressed and people should honor them. This includes anger so my concern is we are losing the conviction that anger should be restrained and expressed in a mature way rather than a unfiltered, immature way. Kids will be hurt by outbursts of an immature expression of anger. Click 1st verse Second: I think there are still some who believe that any expression of anger will damage their kids permanently so they easily become overwhelmed with guilt. This can lead to passing that belief on to your kids that will make them fragile and unable to handle the anger of others. Click 2nd verse God knows we will be angry, even in harsh way but what we do with that anger is key We want to avoid the two extremes

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience The goal is not to eliminate anger. The goal is to express anger in a redemptive way, for the good of your children. The goal is to gain freedom over self- centered, sinful anger. Anger is a God given emotion and has it’s purpose if expressed properly and with the right motives. When we express anger for our good and to protect or promote self, it is destructive not only for others but for ourselves as well.

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Freedom from self-centered anger is difficult because: Sometimes it is difficult to recognize Passive aggressive or suppressed anger It feels justified It feels empowering and safe when it is a secondary emotion

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Controlling the emotion of anger is ineffective. You must change your incorrect beliefs, because your beliefs controls your behavior. You function in daily life on the basis of what you believe will accomplish your goals.

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Assuming that your physical needs are met, you will be motivated by what you believe will give you a sense of success, satisfaction, contentment, control, etc. We all make goals to achieve these desires.

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience To enjoy these desires you must have correct beliefs and goals. A correct goal is a Godly goal. God as our creator knows what will bring about these desires. A Godly goal is one that is dependent on only God and you to achieve.

How successful am I as a parent? What do I Believe? Low High How successful am I as a parent? 1 2 3 4 5 I would be more successful if   How fulfilled am I as a parent? I would be more fulfilled if How satisfied am I with my life? I would be more satisfied if How happy am I with my daily routine? I would be happier if How much contentment do I enjoy? I would have more contentment if How much control do I have as a parent I would have more control if The way that you answer the question “I would be more…” will give you insight into your beliefs.

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience “When your activity in a relationship or a project results in feelings of anger, it is usually because someone or something has blocked your goal in that endeavor. Any goal which can be blocked by forces you can’t control is not a healthy goal because your success is out of your hands” Victory over the Darkness pg.126 Neil T. Anderson

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What do your children do that causes you to be angry with them? What goals are they blocking?

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What are some correct goals that will give you success in being a good parent? What correct goals will achieve fulfillment as a parent? What correct goals will achieve satisfaction with life at this time of parenting? What correct goals would achieve more happiness in your daily routine? What correct goals would achieve more contentment in your present life? What correct goals would give you more control as a parent?

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What are some correct goals that will give you success in being a good parent? Pause, think, choose and then respond To be able to respond in a calm, respectful way no matter, how child is behaving

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What correct goals will achieve fulfillment as a parent? Choose to remember why I wanted children Think long term fulfillment rather than momentary fulfillment

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What correct goals will achieve satisfaction with life at this time of parenting? Don’t be a martyr Choose gratitude Take care of self Parent with friends

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What correct goals would achieve more happiness in your daily routine? Invest in the kids early in the day Make plans Get kids outside Have a schedule

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What correct goals would achieve more contentment in your present life? Invest in my marriage Maintain exercise Maintain friendships Maintain ministry

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience What correct goals would give you more control as a parent? Develop self-control Give eye contact when giving a command and keep eye contact until they respond Have your yes be yes and no be no Be consistent

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Do not justify your self-centered anger Your kids don’t “make you” have a wrong reaction. You choose to respond that way A wrong goal “makes you” react wrongly

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Find your choice in the situation Children can take away your preferred choice but not your ultimate choice. No one can take away your choice to choose your response

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Walk by the Spirit 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Pray for the power of the Spirit 9 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience 11 strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light. Colossians 1:9-12

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Live in God’s Grace And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more Romans 5:20

Dealing With Anger Developing Patience Live in God’s Grace Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? Romans 2:4