Addressing Dating Violence dajdhkafldjhf Addressing Dating Violence Sue Thomas, Manager, Business Development, Hazelden Publishing r 1

Presentation Objectives Discuss the definition and severity of teen dating violence. Talk about the reasons why the rates of dating violence are so high among teens. Discuss steps schools can take to address dating violence. Introduce possible resources that schools can use to address dating violence. 2

First, let’s do an activity Ways I Want To Be Treated By A Dating Partner: (5 minutes) Step 1: Read the handout. Step 2: Two options in filling this out. Option 1: Do this exercise as if you were a typical teen. Option 2: Do this exercise for yourself personally, whether it be regarding a date or a long-term partner. Step 3: Discuss your answers with one or two people sitting near you. 3

First, let’s do an activity Ways I Want To Be Treated By A Dating Partner: Respected Nurtured Trusted Supported Taken care of Treated equally Encouraged Protected Treated as an inferior Impressed Amused/made to laugh Treated like a king/queen Controlled Romanced Excited Loved Provided for Committed to Treated honestly Abused Cared for Needed Challenged Cheated on 4

Talking about Caring Relationships Addressing dating violence should include a discussion about how teens would like to be treated in a dating relationship—what caring relationships look like. Teens have a choice about how they want to be treated. Developing caring relationships is an important life skill that not all teens learn at home. 5

Dating abuse includes any behavior by a dating partner that What is the Definition of Dating Abuse? Dating abuse includes any behavior by a dating partner that Is used to manipulate Is used to gain control Is used to gain power over someone Makes a person feel bad about himself or herself or other people who are close to this person (family and friends) Makes a person afraid of her or his boyfriend or girlfriend

Dating abuse behaviors may include: Physical abuse What Behaviors are Involved in Abuse? Dating abuse behaviors may include: Physical abuse Psychological or emotional abuse Sexual abuse It is important to realize that emotionally abusive behaviors can be just as hurtful as physically abusive behaviors

Dating violence behaviors that are physically abusive may include: What Behaviors are Involved in Abuse? Dating violence behaviors that are physically abusive may include: Hitting Pushing Pinching Throwing things Using a weapon Choking Shoving Pulling hair

Ignoring a date’s feelings Calling a person names What Behaviors are Involved in Abuse? Dating violence behaviors that are psychologically or emotionally abusive may include: Ignoring a date’s feelings Calling a person names Isolating a date from others Trying to scare a date Displaying inappropriate anger Keeping a date from leaving Putting down family and friends Threatening to hurt oneself

Dating violence behaviors that are sexually abusive may include: What Behaviors are Involved in Abuse? Dating violence behaviors that are sexually abusive may include: Forcing a date to have sex Forcing a date to do other sexual things he or she doesn’t want to do

What Behaviors are Involved in Abuse? Cyber stalking To engage in a course of conduct directed at a specific person, by or through the use of electronic mail, causing that person substantial emotional distress and serving no legitimate purpose.

Physical signs of being hurt Fear of the dating partner Warning Signs or “Red Flags” What are some RED FLAGS that someone may be in an abusive dating relationship? Physical signs of being hurt Fear of the dating partner Being increasingly isolated from family and friends Changing behavior because of a partner’s jealousy Feeling embarrassed, put down, ashamed or guilty Being threatened (Others listed on the handout)

Warning Signs or “Red Flags” What are some RED FLAGS that someone may be abusing a dating partner? Physically threatening assaulting a girlfriend/boyfriend Intimidating a dating partner Becoming angry if partner is spending time with others Asking dating partner to change behavior because of jealousy Verbally threatening your girlfriend/boyfriend Using “guilt trips” to get your dating partner to do something (Others listed on the handout)

We Need to Know the Warning Signs As educators, we should be aware of these “red flags” or warning signs and be prepared to intervene, if we see them. We should also teach students to know these “red flags,” because teens often will confide in a friend before they will confide in an adult.

Let’s Do Another Activity (5 minutes) Read both scenarios on the Dating Abuse Scenario handout and talk about these questions with two or three people: Is this an abusive relationship? Why or why not? What are the “red flags” that this behavior might be abusive? If this is the first time this has happened, is it still abusive?

Dating Abuse Can Happen To Anyone Both boys and girls are victims of abuse. Both boys and girls are perpetrators of abuse. Teenagers from all neighborhoods, income levels, and ethnic groups experience dating abuse. Dating abuse can happen to anyone in a relationship. Abuse almost always reoccurs in a relationship. It doesn’t just go away. Most abuse gets more severe over time.

Why Should We Address Dating Violence with Teens? Nearly three in four tweens (age 11-14) (72%) say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger. (Liz Claiborne Inc., Conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2008) 62% of tweens (age 11-14) who have been in a relationship say they know friends who have been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc.) by a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Why Should We Address Dating Violence with Teens? 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. (Liz Claiborne Inc., Conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2008) A comparison of Intimate Partner Violence rates between teens and adults reveals that teens are at higher risk of intimate partner abuse. (Journal of American Medical Association, 2001)

Why Should We Address Dating Violence with Teens? Females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group—at a rate almost triple the national average. (U.S. Department of Justice, 2001) 58% of rape victims report being raped between the ages of 12-24. (Health Resources and Services Administration, 2002)

Activity # 3: Why Such High Rates of Dating Abuse Among Teens? Discuss these questions with one or two other people: (5 minutes) Question # 1: Why do you think the rates of teen dating abuse are so high? Question # 2: What would make teens more vulnerable to abuse?

Possible Reasons Why Teens Have High Rates of Dating Abuse Reason # 1: Teens may not take it seriously. They are new at dating; they think it is “normal.” They misinterpret it as a sign of love. There is a lot of pressure to be in dating relationships, even at a very young age; this makes it difficult to leave. Teens have less developed relational skills—gender stereotypes are highest at this age.

Possible Reasons Why Teens Have High Rates of Dating Abuse Reason # 2: Adults May Not Take It Seriously. Adults think they will “just grow out of it.” Most grow into a lifelong pattern of abuse if not addressed. Teens are afraid to talk to adults about this. For these reasons, adults need to be more proactive.

Possible Reasons Why Teens Have High Rates of Dating Abuse Reason # 3: The legal system may not help. Most domestic violence laws do not include dating violence in their definition. Minors usually cannot file a civil case or ask for a restraining order without an adult appearing in court with them—Florida is an exception! Schools may be lax in enforcing a restraining order.

Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order What type of relationship qualifies? You are dating or used to date You are living with or used to live with You have a child with You are married to or used to be married In your immediate family You are related by blood or marriage

Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order What type of abuse can result in a protection order? Physically abused you Attempted to physically abuse you Threatened to physically abuse you Sexually abused you Stalked you Unlawfully held you against your will

Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order What age do you need to be to get a protection order? If you are 18 years old or older, you can obtain a protection order yourself without adult permission. If you are under 18, you can get a protection order by yourself without an adult’s involvement if you are dating the abuser.

Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order How do teens get a protection order? If a teen qualifies for a protection order, they can go to court to file for a temporary order. After the hearing, the judge may grant the teen a temporary protection order which lasts 15 days. The judge may also schedule another hearing. At the full hearing, the judge may grant a permanent order that lasts as long as the judge orders.

Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order What can be asked in a protection order? The abuser must stay away from the teen’s home, school, work, and other designated places. The abuser must stay away from family or household members. The abuser cannot contact or communicate directly or indirectly with the teen.

Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order What can be asked in a protection order? Exclusive use of the residence Temporary child custody and visitation Temporary child and spousal support Abuser must not use and must surrender all firearms Counseling for the abuser at his/her own expense

What does a protection order cost? It is free Florida’s Requirements for a Protection Order What does a protection order cost? It is free Schools should take protection orders seriously and enforce them!

Stories of Dating Abuse Chris Brown and Rhianna

Stories of Dating Abuse Lindsay Ann Burke Rhode Island’s Lindsay Ann Burke law was the first of its kind in the U.S. Requires schools to have a policy for responding to dating violence and to provide dating violence education to students, parents, and school staff. Lindsay Ann Burke’s family and friends successfully pursued passage of the Lindsay Ann Burke Act. In July, 2007 the Lindsay Ann Burke Act became law in Rhode Island. Proposed by Attorney General Patrick Lynch, on behalf of the Burke family, the bill was sponsored by Senator Beatrice Lanzi and Representative Eileen Naughton.

Stories of Dating Abuse Tiffany Barwick Ocala, Florida Lindsay Ann Burke’s family and friends successfully pursued passage of the Lindsay Ann Burke Act. In July, 2007 the Lindsay Ann Burke Act became law in Rhode Island. Proposed by Attorney General Patrick Lynch, on behalf of the Burke family, the bill was sponsored by Senator Beatrice Lanzi and Representative Eileen Naughton.

Activity: Should I Stay or Go? Step # 1: I will read you a story. Step # 2: If you feel you would want to stay in the relationship, remain seated. Step # 3: If you feel you would want to leave the relationship, you should stand. Why do people stay in abusive relationships??

Why Do People Stay? The abuser apologizes and promises to not abuse again. The person being abused may be in denial. Teens may think this behavior is a “normal” part of a relationship. The abused becomes more and more isolated from those who could help. There is a fear that the violence might escalate if they leave. Means of protecting the abused are not enforced.

Barriers To Getting Help Fear of hurting their date’s feelings Fear that the friend they confide in will tell them to end the relationship Fear of losing their independence from their parents Fear of getting into trouble with their parents Fear that people will not understand, will blame them, or won’t believe that it happened

Barriers To Getting Help Not knowing how or where to get help Fear of retaliation from a dating partner Not knowing how to leave or improve the situation Fear of being judged Not trusting that what is said will be kept confidential Not wanting to admit there is a problem

What Should Schools Do About Dating Violence? Set clear school policies about reporting dating abuse or violence of any kind, whether it occurs on campus or not. Work to create a school environment where respect and responsibility are promoted. If a student has obtained a restraining protection order or other court order due to dating abuse, take the situation seriously and proactively enforce the order on campus.

What Should Schools Do About Dating Violence? Train staff to recognize signs of dating abuse and intervene appropriately. Teach a curriculum about dating abuse. Host a schoolwide dating abuse campaign. Involve students in the campaign. Educate parents about the issue. Make dating abuse resources in the community available to students.

Florida Dating Violence Resources Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-500-1119 TTY Hotline 1-800-621-4202 www.fcadv.org

Florida Dating Violence Resources Florida Department of Health Sexual Violence Prevention Program 4052 Bald Cypress Way, Bin # A-13 Tallahassee, Florida 32399-1723 Telephone: (850) 245-4455 Education/Campaign resources

National Dating Violence Resources National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474 loveisrespect.org National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Other Dating Violence Resources Choose Respect—CDC Site www.chooserespect.org National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center www.safeyouth.org Break the Cycle www.breakthecycle.org Other resources that you would recommend?

Highly engaging and interactive, Safe Dates helps teens recognize the difference between caring, supportive relationships and controlling, manipulative, or abusive dating relationships. In 2006 Safe Dates was selected for SAMHSA’s National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices (NREPP) after receiving high ratings on all criteria for strength of evidence and ease of replication.

Safe Dates Goals Raise students’ awareness of what constitutes healthy and abusive dating relationships Raise students’ awareness of dating abuse and its causes and consequences Equip students with the skills and resources to help themselves or friends in abusive dating relationships Equip students with the skills to develop healthy dating relationships, including positive communication, anger management, and conflict resolution

Characteristics of the Safe Dates Program Safe Dates Characteristics Targets primary and secondary prevention Aimed at preventing both victimization and perpetration Considers both boys and girls to be potential perpetrators and victims Theoretically and empirically based 46

Safe Dates Components Curriculum – nine sessions, fifty-minutes in length Includes: A 3-ring binder with extensive teaching guide and reproducible student materials Dating abuse play and poster contest Includes: A script, helpful hints for presenting, and sample flyers Parent materials Includes: An introductory letter about Safe Dates and parent newsletters Teacher training materials Includes: An agenda and training outline for a 3-hour session

Safe Dates Settings Safe Dates Settings Schools Domestic Violence Centers After school programs Boys & Girls clubs Treatment programs Juvenile justice settings

Where is Safe Dates Being Used? In schools and communities… Over 3,000 Safe Dates curricula have been sold since it was published in all 50 states in nine Canadian provinces and seven countries other than the United States and Canada

Topics Covered in the Curriculum Session 1: Defining caring relationships Session 2: Defining dating abuse Session 3: Why do people abuse? Session 4: How to help friends Session 5: Helping friends Session 6: Overcoming gender stereotypes Session 7: Equal power through communication Session 8: How we feel? How we deal? Session 9: Preventing sexual assault 50

Safe Dates Outcomes In comparison to controls, adolescents exposed to Safe Dates reported from 56% to 92% less dating violence victimization and perpetration four years after exposure to Safe Dates. 51

For More Information on Safe Dates Visit www.hazelden.org/safedates

Other Dating Violence Curricula or Programs Other Key Programs: Break the Cycle: Domestic Violence 101 Love is Not Abuse Curriculum The Fourth “R” Aggressors, Victims and Bystanders

Any Questions or Comments??