Empowered 2 Act Lesson 4: Setting Positive Dating Standards All decisions have consequences.   The goal of this lesson is to encourage godly dating practices which leads to positive outcomes.

The Importance of Positive Dating Standards Demonstrating the bonding experience

Goals Discuss various dating practices in the light of God’s Word. Identify the consequences of positive and negative dating decisions. Learn the Twelve Steps of Bonding. Recognize the effects of legal and illegal drug use within a dating relationship.

Discussion The typical Hollywood relationship shows a couple meeting, being sexually attracted to each other, and getting into bed. What is it about that scenario that we like?

Discussion Sexual attraction and intimacy are discussed in the Bible, but we Christians seldom talk about it. Why is that?

Discussion You have been told by your parents, pastor, and other adults that sex outside of marriage is wrong. But, how far can a couple go without sinning?

Discussion Most teens today know that premarital sex can lead to an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. Both are negative consequences, yet teens become sexually active anyway. Why aren’t these realities keeping teens abstinent?

Discussion Is sex good or bad?

Discussion Sex can be a very selfish act or a beautiful experience of sharing. Why do you think our society has chosen to glorify the selfish aspect of it?

Discussion It is commonly known that drugs and alcohol lead people to drop their level of inhibition. Why do people use drugs or alcohol if they know it could lead to a poor decision about sexual activity?

Discussion The title of this program is Empowered 2 Act and emphasizes the role of God’s Word in empowering you to make godly decisions. How can you make God’s Word a meaningful part of your dating experiences?

The Twelve Steps of Bonding 1. Eye to body 2. Eye to eye 3. Voice to voice 4. Hand to hand 5. Arm to shoulder 6. Arm to waist 7. Face to face 8. Hand to head 9. Hand to body 10. Mouth to breast 11. Hand to genital 12. Genital to genital

Activity: Pizza Love vs. Real Love All of us love pizza. We are so eager to eat it, we even burn our mouths. We eagerly finish off a few pieces. Pretty soon, however, there are pieces left but little desire now that you have had your fill. Later on, the pizza gets cold as it sits in the box. It is no longer desirable. Now, consider whether your relationship is “Pizza Love” or real love. You say you want to be close to that person and you can’t get enough of him/her. Yet, if you get too much of that person, you become turned off and no longer desire time together. Like pizza, your date is simply someone who gives you some short-term pleasure.

Activity: Fun Dating At times, you have no desire to consider a long-term relationship but simply want to enjoy time together with a person of the opposite sex. You go out together and enjoy each other’s company, but you don’t want to become too serious. The rules of fun dating are different, because the ultimate goal is different. There should be no such thing as “friends with benefits” or “relationships without consequences.”

Activity: Setting Standards for Love List some traits that you will look for in a girlfriend/ boyfriend? Will that list change when you are serious about looking for a spouse?

Activity: Memory Verses Select favorite Bible passages that remind you to make God-pleasing decisions in your dating life. Read those passages regularly and memorize them. Write them on pieces of paper and put them in places where you will see them every day.

Guidelines to Help you Stay Abstinent 1. Don’t put yourself in alone situations. 2. Don’t stay out past curfew. 3. Go out with a person of good values. 4. Avoid tempting situations. 5. Know what you are doing and where you are going. 6. Avoid touching in intimate ways or places. 7. Avoid drugs and alcohol. 8. Have someone check up on you.

9. Avoid those who have a “reputation”. 10. Use your parents: “My mom would ground me for life if I do that!” or “Let’s call my dad, if it’s okay with him it’s okay with me.” 11. Keep your clothes on, stay vertical, and do not allow touching below the neck. 12. Develop a list of guidelines between you and your partner reflecting your morals on what EXACTLY is okay or not okay to do when being intimate. 13. Create a “safety word” to use with your partner that you can say when things are going too far too fast so you both can step back and calm down.