Teen Dating Violence

Teen Dating Violence It knows no boundaries and crosses all lines of race, socio-economic status It CAN happen to ANYONE

Teen Dating Violence Facts Prevalence and Frequency: Teen dating Violence runs across race, gender and socio-economic lines. Both males and females are victims, but boys and girls are abusive in different ways: Girls are more likely to yell, threaten to hurt themselves, pinch, slap, scratch or kick. Boys injure girls more severely and frequently Some teen victim experience violence more frequently, some are abused more often, sometimes daily. http://www.ncvc.org//tvp

Teen Dating Violence Statistics continued Girls and women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence. 1 in 5 high school girls is physically or sexually hurt by a dating partner. 1 in 3 teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships. Only 33 % of teens who have been in or known about an abusive dating relationship report having told anyone about it.

Teen Dating Violence Statistics continued Teen girls face relationship violence 3 times more than adult women. 25% of victims say they have been isolated from family and friends. More than half of victims say they have compromised their own beliefs to please a partner. Many teens think this is normal. Teens report dating abuse via cell phones is a serious problem.

Teen Dating Violence Statistics continued Cell phone calls and texting mean constant control: 1 in 3 teens say they are text messaged 10, 20, 30 times an hour by a partner keeping tabs on them 82% of parents whose teens were emailed or text messaged 30 times an hour were not aware of this The majority of parents of teen victims are unaware of the abuse Statistics from the US Dept. of Justice, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and Liz Claiborne Inc. teen dating violence survey

Teen Dating Violence Dating violence, like domestic violence, is a pattern of controlling, aggressive, and abusive behaviors of one person over another within a romantic relationship. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse It can occur in all types of relationships.

Warning Signs Extreme Jealousy- jealousy is sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that is a sign of love Controlling behavior- one partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions, checking up on the victim Quick involvement- “love at first sight”, often the abuser is very charming at the beginning of the relationship

Warning Signs Cont Unrealistic expectations- abusers except their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect” Isolation- abusers try to keep the victim from family and friends by putting down everyone they know Blames others for their problems and feelings- the abuser does not take reasonability for their problems Hypersensitivity- an abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack

More…. Cruelty to animals and children “Playful” use of force in sex- pressure to have sex Verbal Abuse- says cruel and harmful things, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde- experiences severe mood swings Past Battering- has a history of past battering Threats of Violence Breaking or striking objects Any force during an argument

Types of Violence VERBAL EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL SEXUAL FINANCIAL

Verbal Abuse Name-calling, using put-downs, accusing, blaming, lying, yelling, accuses you of cheating, threatens to harm or kill you, threatens to commit suicide, says they are the only one that loves you, puts down your family and friends, tells you what to wear, tells you everything is your fault, tells you no one else will ever be interested in you.

Emotional Abuse Shows jealousy, embarrassing or humiliating you, controlling behavior, keeping tabs on you through frequent phone calls, emails, instant messaging, breaks your possessions, smashes things, destroys property, causes isolation by keeping you from spending time with others, tries to keep you from working or controls where you work, stalking

Physical Abuse Hitting, slapping, biting, squeezing, punching, kicking, choking, pushing, shoving, shaking, twisting your arm, grabbing, pulling hair, spitting, burning, trapping you, hiding your car keys or money, sabotaging your car to keep you from leaving

Sexual Abuse Forcing you to have sex against your will, rape, unwanted rough or violent sex, not letting someone use birth control (they intentionally try to get you pregnant so you are tied to them for years)

Financial Abuse If the victim has a charge card, the abuse may tell the victim to put their name on it and they will run up high bills making the victim responsible for payment, making the victim pay for other things as well

CYCLE OF ABUSE TENSION BUILDING STAGE HONEYMOON STAGE Relationship starts out with romance, flowers, lots of compliments and attention says “l love you” early on, comes on strong with quick involvement; after abuse apologizes, makes excuses and all of the above CYCLE OF ABUSE ACUTE BATTERING STAGE Worst abuse, verbal, physical, sexual violence, leaving victim wounded physically, psychologically TENSION BUILDING STAGE Tension builds, arguments, emotional and psychological abuse, criticism, name-calling, threats, intimidation, may be minor physical abuse; victim fearful

Patterns of Abuse Many people who are the target of dating violence find that the abuse occurs in a distinct pattern that is repeated over and over again. TENSION BUILDING, EXPLOSION and HONEYMOON After the honeymoon phase, the tension starts to build again, leading to another explosion

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships Understanding Equality When both people in the relationship believe they are equal, and neither tries to gain power or control over the other = a healthy, non-violent relationship Understanding power and control tactics When there is a pattern of one person trying to gain power and control over the other. USING VIOLENCE- physical, verbal, emotional

Barriers to Leaving Love Hope Fear Embarrassment, humiliation, shame Lack of support Lack of self-esteem and confidence Lack of knowledge about healthy/unhealthy relationships and community resources

Effects of Dating Violence on the Victim Loss of appetite, eating disorders Weight loss Gastrointestinal disorders Headaches Nervous, anxious Bruises, broken bones Self blame Confusion Guilt Shame Mistrust of self and others

Effects con’t Feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem Central nervous system disorders Sadness, depression Suicidal Terror Fear death

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Flashbacks Nightmares Anxiety Emotional numbing Insomnia Avoidance of traumatic triggers and talking about the problem helplessness Sense of being different than others Isolation Substance abuse Self-mutilation, self harm

Battered Women’s Syndrome Believe violence is their fault Inability to place responsibility for violence elsewhere Fears for her life and or children’s lives Irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient

On average, victims tend to leave and return about 7 times before leaving permanently The number one reason victims do not leave is because they fear for their lives.

Theories to Explain Dynamics of Abusive Relationships Learned Helplessness Theory “Survival focus vs. escaping focus” Traumatic Bonding Theory “The abuser gains power through the victims dependence on them” Approach and Avoidance Theory “victim is likely to focus on positives to avoid abuse” US. Dept. of justice; US. Dept. of veteran affairs

“The Dynamics of relationship abuse are similar to brainwashing of soldiers” U.S. Department of Justice

Not the words they speak but how they show you Love is a behavior… Not the words they speak but how they show you

How can I help?? Assure Confidentiality Be understanding, non-blaming, honest and supportive Listen and validate feelings Acknowledge the abuse, show concern Ask questions Remind them of their strengths, compliment them Asses for danger Express Concern

More Help…. Offer help, refer to school social worker, guidance, administrator Share information about abusive relationships Support their decisions, be patient, stand by them for as long as it takes Provide information: RICADV and hotline 1-800-494-8100, safety plans and legal info. Remember that the most dangerous time for a victim is right after they leave the relationship. The VICTIM NEEDS TO HAVE A SAFETY PLAN

Don’t…. Judge or blame Pressure Assume victim wants to leave the relationships Talk to victim and abuser together Place conditions on your support Put down the abuser

Teens and the Law Teens can obtain a restraining order Minors go to Family Court with a parent 18 or older, go to District Court If abuser is a minor, restraining order will also be served to parents Remember, the Restraining order is only a piece of paper… NEED A SAFETY PLAN see attached handout

For more information.. www.labmf.org www.cdc.gov Rhode Island Coalition Against Dating Violence Hotline- 1800-494-8100 www.ricadv.org National DV hotline- 1800-799-SAFE Blackstone Shelter 723-3057 Sojourner House 861-6191, 765-3232