Dating and Domestic Violence Unit III: Family Relations Extending Your Relationships

A Twisted Love Poem He didn't like the way I walked. He didn't like the way I talked. He said I was dumb and embarrassed him. Who am I? Why am I grim? No more friends. No calls from them. Who am I? Why am I grim? I didn't flirt with that dude. Am I vulgar and crude? What's wrong with the way I dress? My hair, make-up? Do I really look like a mess? If I need to change all that wrong with me, Who am I? What will I be? The silent treatment -- he's in control. I'm so sad. Why don't I feel whole? I must've done something wrong to him. Who am I? Why so grim? I can't remember happy days... Only his possessive, jealous ways. First a push, a little shove... Is this it? Is this love? I thought it was true... People who love you don't hit you. Love shouldn't mean I need to be hit. Not once or twice, not one little bit. If I should change all that wrong, you see, There'd be nothing left of me. I'm better now. I dumped the jerk. And starting to regain some of my former perk. I can laugh again and enjoy my life. It's much easier without all that strife. If he doesn't make you feel good about who you are. Run. Run. Run so very far.

Is trouble coming???? Check out these early warning signs… You may be headed for an abusive relationship, if you are dating someone who: –Is excessively jealous and possessive toward you; wont let you have friends; spies on you; wont accept breaking up –Harms you physically in any way; is violent; has a history of fighting; loses temper quickly; brags about mistreating others –Forces sex on you; makes you afraid to say no to sex

Warning Signs Continued…. You may be headed for an abusive relationship, if you are dating someone who: –Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them –Has a history of bad relationships that he blames on others –Believes men should have power and control That women should be passive and submissive

If your family and friends have warned you about the person or worry about your safety, think about it. You think they just don't understand, but they may understand more than you think... and they care about you. Confide in a trustworthy advisor, mentor, friend or relative. You don't have to suffer in silence. You don't have to be trapped.

Teen Dating Violence Defined Teen dating violence is a pattern of abusive behavior exhibited by one or both teenagers in a dating relationship. The behavior includes, but is not limited to, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? Here are some statements that a lot of people believe. What are they – FACT or fiction? –THEY SAY.... Victims bring on abuse themselves. They ask for it. –FACT. Wrong. Abusers believe they have the right to use abuse to control their victims. They see the victim as less than an equal.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? THEY SAY.... Men are battered by women just as often as women are battered by men. FACT. NO: 95 percent of the reported incidents of assault in relationships are committed by males, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? THEY SAY.... If someone stays in an abusive relationship, it must not be so bad. FACT. NO WAY! People stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons: fear, dependence (including economic), confusion, loss of self-confidence, not recognizing the relationship as abusive, belief that the abuser needs their help, belief that the abuser will change.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? THEY SAY.... Most batterers are crazy or uneducated. FACT. Wrong! Batterers are found in all classes: rich, poor, and in between; professional and unemployed; and in all ethnic groups.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? THEY SAY.... An occasional punch is OK; it is not abuse. FACT. NOT OK! It is abuse – and it is a criminal act.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? THEY SAY.... Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of true love. FACT. NO THEY ARE NOT. They are signs that the person sees you as a possession. They are the most common early warning signs of abuse.

WHAT'S YOUR DATING VIOLENCE I.Q.? THEY SAY.... There is nothing a victim of dating violence can do – and no place for abusers to get help. FACT. WRONG! There is help – counselors, teachers, parents, hotlines and specially designed programs. There are also some designed for young men who have abused their girlfriends.

Date Rape Forced sexual intercourse on a date Occurs more frequently than most people know Often isnt reported Cause embarrassment to family and self May think it is their fault Teens must be ASSERTIVE!!! Leave if you can, call for help and REPORT IT! May prevent rapist from doing it again. Must not be tolerated