Planning Business Messages CHAPTER 2 Planning Business Messages

Basics of business writing Business messages are different from college essays, term papers, and messages to friends. Conciseness and clarity count. ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/ZSOLT NUYLASZI

The best business writing is Purposeful Persuasive Economical Audience oriented Following a process can make you a better writer or speaker.

The Writing Process

Approximately how much time should be spent at each stage? 25% 25% 50%

Guffey’s 3-x-3 Writing Process Develops Fluent Workplace Skills The video emphasizes that writing is a process and shows step by step how the 3-x-3 writing process applies to typical business situations. Click to play

Analyzing Your Purpose and Channel Identify your purpose. Why are you writing? What do you hope to achieve? JON FEINGERSH / ICONICA / GETTY IMAGES

Select the best channel. E-mail Fax Letter Memo Report Telephone Voice mail Meeting Conversation Web site

Select the best channel. How important is the message? How fast do you need feedback? Is a permanent record essential? What is the cost of the channel? How much formality do you desire? How confidential or sensitive is the message?

Profiling the Audience Primary Audience Who is the primary reader? What are my personal and professional relationships with that person? What does the person know about the subject? What kind of response should I expect?

Profiling the Audience Secondary Audience Who else might see or hear this message? Are they different from the primary audience? How must I reshape the message for the secondary audience?

Adapting to Task and Audience Adapting to Task and Audience

Spotlight Audience Benefits Focus your statements on the audience, not the sender. Instead of this: You will enjoy total peace of mind with our affordable hospitalization plan that meets all your needs. Try this: We are promoting a new hospitalization plan that we believe has many outstanding benefits.

Adapting to Task and Audience Adapting to Task and Audience

Develop a “You” View Emphasize second-person pronouns (you/your) instead of first-person pronouns (I/we, us, our) Instead of this: You may begin making purchases on your new account in two weeks. Try this: Before we can allow you to purchase items on this new account, we must wait two weeks to verify your credit.

Quick Check Develop a “You” View These are better: Revise these sentences: Quick Check These are better: You can now purchase HP computers at discounted prices. We are now offering HP computers at discounted prices. We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our leadership training program. Congratulations! You have been selected to enter our leadership training program!

Adapting to Task and Audience Adapting to Task and Audience

Conversational Language Instead of this: I’m happy to . . . Try this: The undersigned takes pleasure in . . . It may be of some concern to you to learn that your check has been received and your account has been credited for $250. We’ve credited your account for $250.

Positive Language Instead of this: Try this: Employees may use the Market Street entrance during remodeling. Try this: Employees may not use the First Street entrance during remodeling. We cannot fill your order until we receive an exact model number. We can fill your order once we receive an exact model number.

State Ideas Positively Revise these sentences: These are better: You will be paid promptly once the job is completed satisfactorily. Quick Check We must withhold payment until you complete the job satisfactorily. If you fail to follow each requirement, you will not receive your $50 rebate. By following each requirement, you will receive your $50 rebate.

Levels of Language Use Unprofessional Conversational Formal Found in Some comic strips and songs, some commercials, some conversations, some IM and e-mail messages Business messages, novels, most newspapers, and most magazines Scientific writing, legal documents, scholarly books, formal essays, proclamations

Levels of Language Use Unprofessional Conversational Formal Characterized by Incorrect grammar, unpredictable sentence structure, inappropriate punctuation, slang, vulgarisms Correct grammar and punctuation, conversational tone, simple sentence structure, familiar words Correct grammar, serious tone, complex sentence structure, polysyllabic words

Levels of Language Use Unprofessional Conversational Formal Examples wasted nab bad-mouth dough, bread stewed, plastered I ain’t humongous tight ruined catch criticize money intoxicated, drunk I’m not enormous frugal annihilated apprehend disparage currency inebriated I am not prodigious penurious

Revise to create reader benefits. I have 15 different financial plans to offer my investors. You have 15 financial plans from which to choose. Quick Check We want all newly hired employees to use our carpooling program for at least three months. As a newly hired employee, you won’t have to drive to work for the first three months because you can carpool.

Revise the following to sound conversational. Quick Check The undersigned takes great pleasure in welcoming you to our staff. I’m happy to welcome you to our staff. Per your request, we are sending under separate cover your May invoice. As you requested, we are sending your May invoice separately.

Hidden Messages Some words and phrases convey a negative and unpleasant tone. They may imply a hidden message that the writer does not intend. Think twice before using the following negative expressions.

Negative Language You overlooked You state that You failed to You claim that You are wrong You do not understand Your delay You forgot to Hidden Meaning You are careless But I don’t believe you It’s probably untrue I am right You are not smart You are at fault You are inefficient, stupid and careless

This alternative is wordy and calls Inclusive Language Instead of this: Have you called a salesperson? Try this: Have you called a salesman? Every executive has his own office. All executives have their own offices. Every executive has an office. All executives have offices. Every executive has his or her own office. This alternative is wordy and calls attention to itself

Positive and Inclusive Language Revise these sentences: These are better: Quick Check No tenant may move in until May 1. Tenants may move in on May 1. Because you failed to include your credit information, we cannot ship your order. As soon as we receive your credit information, we can ship your order. Marcello Luna is the new Mexican accountant. Marcello Luna is the new accountant.

Plain Language Avoid federalese, bureaucratese, and inflated language. Federalese: Each person to whom the request is herein addressed is henceforth solicited to submit, or to have his or her department representative submit, to the Department of Labor official described above, a comment on whether the proposed plan, in his or her considered view, meets the requirements of the 2003 law. Simple Translation: You may wish to comment on whether the proposed plan meets the requirements of the 2003 law.

Familiar Words Avoid long, difficult, and unfamiliar words. Use short, simple, and common words whenever possible. Less familiar words Simple alternatives encounter meet extrapolate project obligatory required terminate end

Choose Courteous Language Use Inclusive Use Positive Sound Conversational Cultivate A “You” View Spotlight Audience Benefits Create a Message That Suits Your Draw on Familiar Words Adopt Plain

Courteous Language Avoid sounding demanding, preachy, or rude. Instead of this: Try this: Will you please complete this research by June 1. You must complete this research by June 1. I am sick and tired of being the only one who removes jammed paper from the copier! Let me show you how to remove jammed paper so that you can complete your copying.

Revise the following using simple language Quick Check You may encounter difficulty in terminating the contract. You may have difficulty ending the contract. OR: It may be difficult to end the contract. As stipulated, we extrapolated the budget figures for two years. As required, we projected the budget figures for two years.

Revise the following using simple language Will you utilize workbooks during the obligatory training period? Will you use workbooks during the required training period? We anticipate that a majority of the alternative will be sufficiently fundamental to meet our requirements. We expect that most of the choices will be sufficiently basic to meet our needs.

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