Relationships

Violence in Dating Relationships Dating violence is a pattern of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse that occurs in a dating relationship One partner abuses to gain control over another partner

What does it look like? It ranges from punching, slapping, pushing, and grabbing to rape and murder- threats of violence, verbal attacks, and other forms of extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling behavior.

Look for the pattern… Dating abuse is typically not a one-time incident, but a pattern of abusive behaviors over time that causes fear and/or harm. The abuser uses emotional manipulation and /or physical domination to gain control and power over their partner.

Gender The majority of abusers are male and most victims are female, but it is important to realize that females can be abusers and males can be targets as well. It is an especially difficult topic for boys to talk about.

Who can it affect? 89% of teenagers between 13 and 18 say they have been in dating relationships.

Dating Abuse Fast Facts One in five high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner One in four teens who have been in a serious relationship say their boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partner One in three girls who have been in a serious relationship say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner

Dating Abuse Fast Facts One in three girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they are in a relationship; half of teenage girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would break up if they did not give in Nearly one in four girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser 40% of teenage girls ages 14 -17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend

Warning Signs for Teens of Abusive Relationships Does your boyfriend or girlfriend….. Look at you in ways that scare you? Act jealous or possessive? Put you down criticize you in person or online? Try to control where you go, what you wear, and what you do? Text or IM you excessively? Monitor your email to check up on you? Blame you for the hurtful things they say and do? Threaten to kill or hurt themselves or you if you leave them?

More Warning Signs…… Stop you from seeing family or friends Try to guilt you or force you to have sex before you are ready? Do they hit, slap, punch or kick you? Restrain you from leaving during an argument?

If you said yes to even one…………. YOU MAY BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Teen Dating Bill of Rights I have the right: To always be treated with respect To be in a healthy relationship To not be hurt physically or emotionally To refuse sex or affection at any time To have friends or activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend To end a relationship

Date Rape More than half the young women raped, know the person who raped them. The person may have been a steady date, a casual date or an acquaintance Rape and other forms of abuse are not just a problem for women

Date Rape Drugs These are fast acting drugs that are hard to detect in food or drink They are colorless, odorless, and tasteless What are tips to reduce possibility of date rape?

Sexual Harrassment

Sexual Harassment Any uninvited and unwelcome sexual remark or sexual advance Making a comment about a person’s body parts, touching, spreading rumors about their sexual behavior, telling jokes Sexual harassment can a part of hazing

Sexual Harassment Harassment is illegal http://www.dotcr.ost.dot.gov/Documents/complaint/Preventing_Sexual_Harassment.htm

Hate Violence

Hate Violence Speech of behavior that is aimed at a person or a group based on person characteristics Behaviors range from gestures to physical attacks A person might be targeted because of race, ethnicity, gender, religion or sexual preference

What is a Hate Crime?

What is a Hate Crime?

What is a Hate Crime? crimes, hate speech, or vandalism motivated by feelings of hostility or hate directed towards a specific social group In 2008, there were 7,780 single hate crimes in the U.S. Surprisingly this has decreased from 1996, 10,700

Hate Crimes Anti black 2,876 Anti Jewish 1,013 Anti homosexual 1,200. Anti Hispanic 561 Anti Islamic 105 Anti Christian 101

Hate Crimes Everyday, 8 African Americans, three whites, three homosexuals, three Jewish, and one Latino becomes victim of a hate crime Information from National Crime Prevention Council

National Policy The hate Crime Prevention Act of 1998, was initiated in the House of Representatives and Senate to expand federal jurisdiction over hate crimes by permitting federal authorities to examine all possible hate crimes, and expanding the categories that are covered by hate crime laws to include gender, sexual orientation, and disability The United States Congress has defined a hate crime as an offense in which “the defendant’s conduct was motivated by hatred, bias, or prejudice, based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity of another group of individuals

Prevention Appreciate your own cultural values Object to ethnic, sexists, racist jokes Refrain from labeling people Not judge others, especially things they have no control over

Preventing Fights

Statistics A 2001 study of high school students showed 33% of students have been in a fight at one point ( according to National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center)

Choosing Not to Fight It isn’t easy to avoid a fight, but it can be done When people who know each other fight, there are usually a history of events leading up to the fight Conflicts tend to grow to a point where others no about it leading up to a fight It is best to deal with conflict early when people are less angry

Choosing Not to Fight It is more difficult to resolve a problem after someone has been embarrassed in front of others Once you recognize a conflict exist there are two general approaches: Ignore the conflict Confront the person

Ignoring a Conflict A stranger bumps into you in the hallway You are angry friends didn’t invite you to go to the movies even though you didn’t want to go None of these situations are worth fight

Ignoring a Conflict Some people think ignoring a conflict is cowardly It shows signs of maturity and self control When deciding to ignore a fight, you will need to be flexible and control your anger

Controlling Anger Learning to control anger is an important skill to master Overacting to a situation is due to lack of control of your anger and emotions What techniques you use to control your anger?

Ways to Control Anger 1. Take a “ time out” : counting to 10 or 20 can often diffuse your temper 2. Get some space: take a break from the person you are angry with 3. Once you calm down, express your anger: it is healthy to express your frustration in a non- confrontational way

Ways to Control Anger 4. Get some exercise: physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions 5.Think carefully before you say anything: it can be helpful to write down what you want to say prior to your conversation 6. Identify solutions to the problem: instead of thinking about what made you mad, think how you can solve the issue

Ways to Control Anger 7. Use “I” statements: explain how you feel, instead of “ You” statements 8. Don’t hold a grudge: it is important to forgive, you can’t expect people to always act and say the things you want 9. Use humor to lighten the tension: lighten up but don’t use sarcasm 10.Practice relaxation skills: breathing, visualization, repeating calming words etc.

Confronting a Person Wisely Some issues may be too important to ignore Confronting a person in the proper way is critical You need to choose the right place and time, and remember to stay calm

Confronting a Person Wisely Face to face talk is often the best approach Make sure you don’t have an audience It is best to meet in a public area, food court, park if you suppose the person is under the influence, postpone the meeting

Confronting a Person Wisely It is important to remain calm when you are upset Focus on keeping your voice low Avoid name calling Sometimes rehearsing what you would like to say is a good idea

Confronting a Person Wisely Take deep breathes Or count to 20 when you start to get angered or upset If you find yourself unable to stay calm or control your temper, postpone your discussion

Confronting a Person Wisely When resolving problems, communication is key Use “I” messages, assertiveness and seeing others point of view “ I know this issue is important to the both of us” Using this techniques causes the other person to be less defensive

Confronting a Person Wisely do the unexpected: be friendly, confident and caring Provide a way out: provide a compromising solution – meet in the middle Be willing to Apologize

Helping Others Avoid a Fight You can prevent fights through mediation Mediation is the process of resolving conflicts using a neutral third party Put pressure on the two involved not to fight Ignore negative remarks about other people Refuse to spread rumors Stay away from an area where a fight could take place Involve an adult of serious situations