Who’s To Blame? Feedback 3/1

No You! Healthy eating starts in the home at an early age. If you ask any eight year old what they like to eat, majority will name a fast food restaurant. Parents need to learn that teaching kids at an early age fast food is bad, the more chance they have to be fit later in life. If a parent buys them McDonalds once …..

No You! Without their parents, most children can’t get their hands on the fast food. However, everyday you see children being taken to the nearest McDonald’s. Without their parents, most children can’t get their hands on the fast food. However, everyday children being taken to the nearest McDonald’s.

No Evidence Exercise habits are just as important. You can’t think if you barely eat fast food, you don’t have to exercise. Parents need to teach their kids to be active outside once a day. That adds to healthy eating to make a healthy lifestyle. If parents get them to listen early on they have a good chance of keeping that life style forever.

Add Evidence Sometimes, kids will not listen to their parents. For example, I have disobeyed my parents when they tell me not to eat a certain food but I eat it anyways, without them knowing. Therefore, kids get away with eating fast food. In this aspect, it is difficult to place blame entirely on the parents. In the end, it is the kids’ decisions on the kind of food they want to eat.

Quotation NEVER stands alone Over time as kids turn into teenagers and such. They tend to lack motivation and turn utterly fat and obese. Fast food is convenient. “Television and games can be like an opiate that quiets a restless child” (Weintraub 13). This satisfies the teenagers at home when they’re alone with a Big Mac in their hands. The way the consumers think is to attain something that is cheap, affordable, and good at the same time.

Quotation NEVER stands alone Over time as kids turn into teenagers and such. They tend to lack motivation and turn utterly fat and obese. Fast food is convenient. For example, Weintraub states, “Television and games can be like an opiate that quiets a restless child”. This satisfies the teenagers at home when they’re alone with a Big Mac in their hands. The way the consumers think is to attain something that is cheap, affordable, and good at the same time.

No I! Friends, school and media may influence children’s diet but I think parents ultimately determine how a child behaves. Friends, school and media may influence children’s diet but parents ultimately determine how a child behaves.

No I! I agree that the Public Health Advocacy should be aiming at parents. The Public Health Advocacy should be aiming at parents.

Quit Using Elementary Verbs In the article, “The Battle Against Fast Food Begins in the Home,” by Daniel Weintraub talks about the one problem that is happening today.

Work on Sentence Structure Over time as kids turn into teenagers and such. They tend to lack motivation and turn utterly fat and obese. Fast food is convenient. “Television and games can be like an opiate that quiets a restless child” (Weintraub 13). This satisfies the teenagers at home when they’re alone with a Big Mac in their hands. The way the consumers think is to attain something that is cheap, affordable, and good at the same time.

No Questions until the Very End How are the parents the one to blame for kids being overweight? Parents are at fault for not telling their kids the effect of eating too much. Weintraub explains, “It is parents-not the government…who are resposible for teaching kids healthy eating and exercising habits” (Weintraub 3). Why do parents concern about their kids safety but not their eating habits? Parents should tell their kids what is healthy and what isn’t.

Use Active Voice Weintraub is stating that it’s the parents’ fault for this problem. Weintraub states that it’s the parents’ fault for this problem.

I will not grade your paper, if I see… Essay is not correctly formatted Incomplete essay No transitions

BANNED verbs Says talks

Peer Editing Sign your name and label first reader next to your name

Introduction States Rifkin’s argument (very briefly) States writer’s viewpoints (thesis)

Body Paragraphs Is the TS related to the thesis? Is it a TEA paragraph structure? Does the writer have “for example, or for instance” to introduce the example? Does the writer analyze the example? Does the writer have a concluding sentence?

Conclusion Does the writer conclude his/her argument by restating the thesis using different words? Does the writer relates the thesis to a larger context?

Transitions Does the writer have a transitional word in the 2nd and 3rd body paragraphs? Does the writer have a transitional word in the conclusion?