Healthy Relationships Self-Esteem Relationships Dating & intimate relationships Grades 7-8 Adapted From: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexuality and Reproductive Education. Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.

Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem: Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. It is the knowledge that we are lovable, we are capable, and we are unique. Good self-esteem means: having a healthy view of yourself, having a sense of self-worth, having a positive outlook, feeling satisfied with yourself most of the time, setting realistic goals.

Points about Self-Esteem: Self-esteem is crucial to our personal wellness. Self-esteem is based on life experiences and personal relationships. Self-esteem changes over time depending on life circumstances. Can anyone think of examples to prove these points?

Healthy Self-Esteem Includes: The ability to develop healthy relationships Having healthy thoughts and feelings about your body Awareness/acceptance of personal strengths and weaknesses The acceptance of one’s sexuality The ability to accept responsibility for one’s behaviour Feelings of competence, independence, self- control and respect for others The ability to set limits for oneself and to create boundaries

How is Self-Esteem Developed? By our environment? How others see us? Personal awareness of strengths? Support from significant others (family, friends)? Body image? Mental health? Physical abilities? Stereotypes? Culture? Gender?

How Does Self-Esteem Contribute to Healthy Relationships? Self-esteem and relationships are really two sides of the same coin. . . Having healthy self-esteem allows you to develop healthy relationships And Having healthy relationships helps to develop healthy self-esteem.

Relationships

Relationships Defined: A relationship is simply a connection between two or more people. A relationship does not have to be a romantic relationship. Relationships are based on some commonly accepted values (e.g., respect, honesty, fairness, consideration, commitment). A healthy relationship is a shared responsibility and requires effective communication. A relationship can be affected by controllable and uncontrollable factors.

Types of Relationships: There are many different types of relationships that serve many different purposes. Can you name some different types of relationships?

Examples of Relationships: Friendship Acquaintance Parent-Child Teammate Mentor Sibling Boyfriend/Girlfriend Neighbor Teacher-Student Boss-Worker Co-worker Classmate What do you think these people get out of their relationships?

Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship: Closeness You are caring and loyal You trust each other You share your feelings You support each other Shared Goals & Beliefs You share beliefs & values You recognize & respect each other’s differences Shared Experiences Share interests & friends Talk about your experiences; accept & respect each other’s differences Communication You are honest with each other You listen to each other Respect You use respectful language and actions with one another You understand each other’s wishes and feelings You can compromise Humour You enjoy being with each other and can laugh together Caring You show each other you care

Unhealthy Characteristics in a Relationship: No trust No respect Jealousy Abuse: emotional/physical Low self-esteem Power issues Fear Lies Unfair fights Lack of understanding Little or bad communication Manipulation Based only on physical attraction Partner tries to change you

Qualities of a Relationship Class Activity Adapted from: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexual and Reproductive Health Education. Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.

Stress and Pressure in Relationships: Unhealthy characteristics in a relationship will lead to stress and possible pressures in a relationship. Some of these characteristics may only apply in a dating relationship, but many can apply in all sorts of relationships (best friends, acquaintances, siblings). Remember, if you find yourself feeling pressured or controlled in a relationship, talk to someone you trust about the situation. Always ask for help when you need it.

Making Positive Decisions: If you are faced with stress or pressure in a relationship, it is important to make positive decisions: Think of all your choices Think of the most likely results of those choices Think of the risks involved with each choice After you have made a decision, learn from it. Did it work? Why or why not?

Case Study 1: You have an agreement with your parents that you are to go home every day after school and do your homework until one of them gets home from work. Since this is an opportunity to get homework done, you are not allowed to have friends over after school. Today, however, a couple of friends try to talk you into hanging out with them after school. Since neither of your parents get home until almost 6:00 pm, you could hang out with your friends and then go home without your parents knowing. What should you do? Grades 5 to 7

Case Study 2: Tina is out with her friend Cheryl, Cheryl’s boyfriend Tony, and another friend named Chris. After a while, Cheryl and Tony start to kiss. Chris then starts kissing Tina. This feels pretty good to Tina. But then Chris tries to get Tina to go into the bedroom. Tina says “NO”, but her friend Cheryl tells Tina not to be so lame. What should Tina do? Grade 8

Communication Skills: Communication is an important part of all relationships. We all communicate verbally and non-verbally. Listening is also an important part of communicating. It is important that we all learn to communicate directly with one another.

Types of Communication: Passive: giving in and saying yes when you don’t want to; keeping your concerns to yourself Aggressive: using threats or force; dominating others; putting yourself first at the expense of others Passive-Aggressive: giving in or keeping your concerns to yourself but will later get back at the person in a sneaky way Assertive: standing up for your rights without denying the rights of others; asking for what you want in a straightforward manner

How to be Assertive: In order to communicate in an assertive manner, it is important to make eye contact and to speak in a clear, firm voice. Try using “I” messages. I feel _______ when ______ and I want ______. Try using an “I” message for these situations: A friend keeps asking to copy your homework and you don’t want to give it to him/her. Your partner tells you that he/she wants to have sex, but you just don’t want to.

Dating & Intimate Relationships

Dating Situations Class Activity Adapted from: White Ribbon Campaign in a Box: Promoting Healthy, Equal Relationships. Toronto: White Ribbon Campaign, 2007.

When You Decide to Date: A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself and your partner. You have fun together and you and your partner can be yourselves. All relationships are different, but healthy relationships share at least five things in common - the S.H.A.R.E. qualities. S = safety H= honesty A= acceptance R= respect E= enjoyment Source: Healthy Relationships. SexualityandU.ca, 2010.

Bad Reasons for a Relationship: Because many of your friends have girlfriends or boyfriends Because you are lonely Because you want to seem more mature Because you want to prove something Because your friends are pressuring you into dating someone Because someone is pressuring you about having sex

Creating Boundaries in Relationships: These are like invisible lines that you set around yourself to separate “you” from others (your romantic partner included). They also set limits to protect ourselves physically and emotionally. They let us and others know what we are comfortable with and what we are uncomfortable doing.

Relationships and Sexual Activity: There is no simple answer or checklist to tell you that you are ready to have sex. You need to look inside yourself to know if you are ready to have sex. You also need to be comfortable talking to your partner about sex, risks and how to have safer sex. If you’re not comfortable talking about sex and/or preparing to have safer sex, you’re not ready for it.

Always Ask Yourself: Before deciding to have sex, look at how you feel about yourself and about your partner. Do you trust your partner? Do you enjoy being around them? Do you want to be intimate with them? Would you feel comfortable being naked with them? Remember… If you don’t feel like you can be yourself with your partner, or you feel pressured into doing things you’re not comfortable with or that you wouldn’t normally do, always talk to someone you trust and get help if you need it.

Reasons for Not Engaging in Sexual Activity: It is normal and okay to wait as long as you want before having sex. The decision is yours to make, and it is going to be yours to live with. Make sure it is the right decision. Sex is a personal issue. It’s something that you should discuss with your partner, yourself and maybe your doctor. It’s your choice, and that’s all that matters. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing; independence is a sign of maturity…having sex is not.

Other Reasons to Wait: Religious beliefs Concerns about reputation Possibility of pregnancy Possibility of sexually transmitted infections Personal belief in abstinence Waiting for the right partner Lack of trust in your partner or the future of the relationship Not feeling ready