Ego States: Transactional Analysis Εrik Βerne 1910-1970 Episilon Beta V = nu Iota = i = Eric Berne Ramesh Mehay (Ραμεση Μεηαυ) Bradford VTS

Parent, Adult, Child Tapes Think of your brain like a video recorder You all have parent, adult and child tapes to play Which one you play most often is what defines you And can therefore tell others how to interact with you in the most effective way The best type of video tape is an adult-adult relationship

Parent Two types – critical and nurturing The controlling parent is the one who scolds a child for being late home for dinner “So, what have you got to say for yourself? Do you realise I’ve been worried sick about you being so late. ” The nurturing parent is the one who is glad they got home safely “perhaps the next time we might like to think about giving me a call if you’re going to be late.”

Parent – critical (phrases) CONTROLS, DISCIPLINES, RESTRICTS BIASED ON PREJUDICES/OWN BELIEFS Right and wrong. Good and bad. Never and always sensible and careless What will people say….. That is the limit! Why haven’t you….. you must never….

Parent – nurturing (phrases) HELPFUL, CARING, LOVING BIASED ON FEELINGS Oh dear! What a shame…. Take care…. Please remember to…. don’t be late…. Don’t be afraid…. I’ll help you…. It will take me long to…. Poor you…..

Adult ego (phrases) Asks questions and seeks out facts MATURE, DELIBERATING, NON-BIASED What do you think? How do you think? Why did it happen? What are the choices? Let’s find out. Let’s experiment. Let’s define it. How come we handle it best? I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who. “The Elephant’s Child” in ‘Just So Stories’ (1902) Ρθδυαρδ Κιπλινγ (1865-1936) Rudyard Kipling Theta = pronounced th or u u= upsilon v = nu

Child Ego – there are two types Natural ‘free’ child primitive, impulsive, instinctive, undisciplined, demanding Please don’t….. I didn’t mean to… Adapted ‘rebellious’ child guilt, rebellion, disobedience, compromises I like, I wont, I must, I feel. You will always try to, let’s play, help me, Wow! I will in a moment, if only, if she can, so can I, it is mine

So What? Putting it all together… You can control your internal thoughts By doing so, you can adapt the way you interact with another person to their ego state  get the most out of a situation and then... EVERYONE’s happy!

PAC compliments Try to achieve the following P-P, A-A, C-C Pn-C (may result in them responding in an adult way, then you can have A-A) A-C (may encourage A-A) Pn-A

PAC – crossovers (avoid) Pc – is rarely ever good PC; A C (illustrated below) P P A A C C

Summary Masters in communication are those who have the greatest flexibility in how they respond to the other person. That’s what PAC is all about: Being aware and choosing how to respond

Other Inventories… Honey & Mumford Learning Styles Conflict Styles Questionnaire Belbin Questionnaire MBTI (inventory) Play at home if you want to explore further Compare with colleagues Discuss