ARMAGEDDON 21/12/2012

Since the beginning of the world, people have predicted its end.

According to scientific studies, approximately 0% of these predictions have come true.

Mr D’s Top Ten Armageddon Predictions!

#10 1806, the Prophet Hen of Leeds starts laying eggs with the message, “Christ is coming” written on them. After being observed laying nothing but ordinary eggs it was declared a hoax.

#9 1st of February, 1524 – Johannes Stoeffler predicts worldwide flood. 20,000 Londoners abandoned their homes. Many Germans built boats. Count von Iggleheim built a three-storey ark. When it didn’t flood, the count was stoned to death, presumably for something to do. Ironically, 1524 was considered a drought year. Stoeffler changed the date of the flood to 1528. He was ignored.

#8 31st of December, 999 – One thousand years after the birth of Jesus. When the world stubbornly refuses to end, the date is changed to 1033. One thousand years after the death of Jesus.

#7 Nostradamus wrote: The year 1999, seventh month From the sky will come great king of terror. Interestingly, NASA smashed a spacecraft into the moon that month so perhaps Nostradamus was writing for the moon men.

#6 In 1982 two astrophysicists, John Gribben and Stephen Plagemann said that all nine planets would be aligned which would create massive gravitational stresses on the planet’s tectonic plates. This would create massive earthquakes and severly alter the climate. Their reputations are not doing so well anymore.

#5 In the 1980s, the Church Universal and Triumphant claimed that a nuclear war would break out on the 23rd of April, 1990. They did the only sensible thing, ie, stockpile food and guns in a bomb shelter in Montana. The police weren’t too happy about this, so they were arrested on federal gun charges. Also, there was no nuclear war.

#4 Many prophecies revolve around millenial (1000) years. 666 is the number of the beast. 1000 + 666 = 1666 = ARMAGEDDON Ironically, that was the year of the great fire in London, so it probably seemed like armageddon to some.

#3a, 3b, 3c... The Jehovah’s Witnesses are one of the most prolific religions when it comes to predicting the end of days. They have predicted that it will end in 1874, 1914, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, & 1975. Their current score is 0 out of 7.

#2 Before 2000, most computers used two spaces to refer to years. ie 87 instead of 1987. This was bad, because computers would then assume 2000 to mean 1900. This could potentially screw up air traffic control, satellites, nuclear power stations... People went crazy stocking up food and water. They built shelters and armed themselves. For perhaps the first time in history, the world was saved by a host of geeky computer programmers.

#1 Ex-music teacher, Marshall Applewhite, convinced his followers that the world would end on March 26, 1997. Fortunately, a spaceship was hiding in the tail of the Hale-Bopp comet which would pick them up. Unfortunately, the only way to hitch a ride was to commit suicide by drinking poison. Applewhite and 38 of his followers were found dead, lying in bunks and wearing identical black tracksuits and brand new black and white Nike tennis shoes.