Better For Worse For Keeps Ministries Three Mile Cross Church

The Heart is the Heart of Marriage

Matthew 19:3-8 Some Pharisees came to Him to test Him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

Matthew 19:3-8 “Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female…”

Matthew 19:3-8 “…And said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh?’

Matthew 19:3-8 “…So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no one separate.”

Matthew 19:3-8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”

Matthew 19:3-8 “But it was not this way from the beginning.”

The Origins of Conflict 1. Unconfessed Sin 2. Unresolved Pain 3. Wrong assumptions 4. Rejecting attitudes

The Origins of Conflict 5. Disappointed expectations 6. Prideful behaviors 7. Generational Bondage 8. Enemy Influence

Men and Women 1. Men and women view the nature of communication differently Men view communication as the by-product of shared activity. Women view communication as the activity itself.

Men and Women 2. Men and women have different emotional needs God created. Men Women Top Needs Sexual Fulfillment Companionship Respect Affection Conversation Family Involvement

Ephesians 4:29-32 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

Ephesians 4:29-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Caring for One Another 1. Spend 10 minutes day caring for your spouse’s heart. 2. Take turns talking and listening to each other. 3. Pray together each day. 4. In conflict use “I” statements.

“I am sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” Caring for One Another 5. Remember, the only way out is through. 6. The answer will seem good to the Holy Spirit and to you. 7. Use the 9 words that can heal any marriage. “I am sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

If you keep your vows, they’ll keep you 1. Choose to stay married for the rest of your life.

If you keep your vows, they’ll keep you 2. Make your relationship with your spouse your top priority (after Jesus Christ).

If you keep your vows, they’ll keep you 3. Act out love to experience the feelings of love.

If you keep your vows, they’ll keep you 4. Trust that God has a plan and that it works.

How God Heals our Damaged Hearts

Isaiah 61:1-4 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.

Isaiah 61:1-4 He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

Isaiah 61:1-4 “…To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion…”

Isaiah 61:1-4 “…To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”

Isaiah 61:1-4 “…They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated…”

Isaiah 61:1-4 “…They will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations... And you will be called priests of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God.”

A Damaged Heart A heart that has been damaged by sin and pain that is unable to give and receive love.

The Symptoms 1. Playing the sculptor. 2. Living with perpetual regret. 3. Using criticism and sarcasm (anger with a smile). 4. Emotional window-shopping. 5. Leveraging your love.

Three Obvious Signs 1. Misery & hopelessness. 2. Obvious lack of love and affection. 3. Detachment and distance.

12 Damaged Hearts 1. The rejected heart 2. The defiled heart 3. The detached heart 4. The bitter heart 5. The proud heart 6. The rebellious heart

Disconnected Hearts 7. The abandoned heart 8. The judgmental heart 9. The controlling heart 10. The immoral heart 11. The materialistic heart 12. The hypocritical heart 34

Solution to Heart Damage The Problem and the Solution to Heart Damage A hard (damaged) heart- the primary cause of all divorce, infidelity, and marital problems (Matthew 19:8)

Solution to Heart Damage The Problem and the Solution to Heart Damage A softened (healed) heart – the Creator’s ultimate solution (Ezekiel 36:26)

Steps to a Healed Heart Ask God to a do a thorough heart exam. (Psalm 139:23-24) 37

Steps to a Healed Heart 2. Confess every area of hardness of heart to God and your spouse. (James 5:16) 38

Steps to a Healed Heart 3. Invite God to soften your heart in any way He chooses (Ezekiel 3:26) 39

Steps to a Healed Heart 4. Value your spouse as a gift from God. (Proverbs 18:22) 40

Steps to a Healed Heart 5. Let Jesus bring peace to your heart in prayer. (John: 14:26-28) 41

Steps to a Healed Heart 6. Forgive those who have wounded your heart. (Mark 11:24-25) 42

Steps to a Healed Heart 7. Pray daily for God to fill you with the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18) 43