May Cause Miracles Workshop Led by Kim Trotto Week 4: Relationships Written by Gabrielle Bernstein Workshop Led by Kim Trotto Week 4: Relationships

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You practice loving God by loving another human. -Olivia Harrison

Ego Based Relationships are Nightmares When relationships are run by fear crazy stuff comes up! Jealousy Judgement Attack Anger Resentment

From Week 3 The ego uses the body to create more separation in our relationships to others Through comparison When you perceive yourself as a separate body, you have projected yourself as better or less than someone else

“Special Relationship” Not the usual special, meaning good This implies we are better or less than others, which raises our belief of separateness rather than oneness

Ego Nightmare Whether you are judging yourself or judging others you are in the same ego nightmare. ACIM teaches that judging others is the same as judging yourself, since we are all one

We All Have Special Relationships Best friends Parents Siblings Many of these can come with what we perceive to be very high expectations We can create idols of people or make ourselves more special than others

The Biggest Special Relationship Romantic Love Partner Some see as the answer to all of your problems Or key to happiness But can be a tortured breakup Most of us have experienced this kind of ego torture, because this is the ego’s best play

The lover can save us? The ego persuades us that this one special lover can save us Substituting the special romantic love, for the divine love inside of us This is based on the false premise that something outside can make up for a lack inside

Recognizing the Presence of Love Within Us Offers True Power

Special Love is Based on Dependency & Lack “Ego convinces us that we are alone, which leads us to desperately seek our completion in others” MCM This lack comes from our deep sense of separation from our real spiritual identity

Special Love Relationships Can lead to jealousy, envy, and constant state of fear of abandonment Keeps us in the dark shadows This can make us all kinds of crazy

The Unforgiving Ego When ego perceives attack, it immediately attacks back Forgiveness can be a distant afterthought In reality we are protecting our ego

Making Matters Worse Sometimes bringing past resentments from prior relationships into new ones Placing doubt and blame onto innocent people and draining the new relationship

Happiness Always Outplays Being Right I’ve experienced this enough to know The ego speaks first and loudest

My Favorite Examples The times, when I am sure I am right about something, but I choose to be happy instead, and that opens me up to see something I hadn’t realized and perhaps I wasn’t as right as I thought My Matthew

ACIM asks “Would you rather be right or be happy?” The loving response is clearly to choose happiness over the ego’s need to be right This can be hard when you feel you have been deeply wronged Easier if someone cuts you in line at the movies Not so easy if someone steals your new iphone

Ego’s Unforgiveness Leads to Ego Personas The Daily Victim: Holding tight to past hurts, replaying them in our mind feeds the victim mentality and it seeps into more of our relationships

Ego’s Unforgiveness Leads to Ego Personas The Angry Boxer: When attacked, ATTACK! Believes we are held in a cruel world and is ever ready to fight. The defensive thoughts and energy bleed into other areas and create more in a wicked cycle

Ego’s Unforgiveness Leads to Ego Personas The Shutdown and Protected: Those that the ego has convinced to shut themselves off for fear of being hurt again. They live small, hiding out and avoids intimacy altogether.

Forgiveness is the way out, Surrender to its miraculous ways Forgiveness is the way out, Surrender to its miraculous ways. You will be more free than you could ever imagine. Many times, you may only be forgiving yourself.

How to Forgive? ACIM doesn’t suggest that we pretend like nothing happened I could see peace instead of this. Throw down the F word (forgiveness) This shows that you are willing to see it differently

More on How to Forgive ACIM doesn’t suggest that we pretend like nothing happened Instead we choose to see it with love Another affirmation I’d rather be happy than right. Choosing happiness is always the path of least resistance

Still More on How to Forgive Commit to releasing the victim mentality ACIM Affirmation I am not the victim of the world I see Use it as a gentle reminder

Choosing Happiness is a Full Time Job Many obstacles If we surrender to love the job becomes a pathway to joy

Transforming Relationships Change the intention from ego and its traits of attack, judgement, jealousy, fear, cheap drama, control, crazy thoughts and actions, “protecting” ourselves

Transforming Relationships Continued Change the intention to a miracle worker’s, which is peace, love, healing, surrendering fear to our inner guide for the ability to fully forgive Surrendering is a spiritual act and opens us up to guidance of a new purpose of the relationship

The Ego Won’t Like the Transformation It wants to be in control Expect some backlash Expect miraculous shifts

The “Holy Instant” The moment you let go of the ego’s drama and let love host the relationship rather than the ego, you will sense relief and freedom Sometimes the other person in the relationship will be uncomfortable with your change

A Break-Up? Possible, if the other person is so uncomfortable with your changes But, if the relationship has changed through forgiveness, while you may feel sad, you still have the gift of spiritual growth

My Thoughts on Soul Growth When you step back and look at soul growth, it can be hauntingly painful, but beautiful none the less. When you choose to let love host the relationship, it doesn’t matter what happens, the shift to love is what matters.

Outing Your Ego When you are stuck in the ego-zone of anger,resentment, judgement or attack, Out Yourself This helps to restore your miracle mind-set Invite your ego to your inner guide for healing

Apply This Week’s Exercises Everywhere To all of your relationships Even those casual that last for moments They all offer holy bliss

This Week Day 22 We will pay attention to what we think about others Day 23 Surrendering your ego to your inner guide for healing Day 24 Kindness created me kind, we came from love, the way to return is through love

The Week Continued Day 25 Helps us understand the principle that what we project onto others we reflect back onto ourselves Day 26 Understand the difference between the ego using forgiveness to get what it wants and the inner guide using it to return to love

The Week Continued Day 27 Paying attention to the holy instant Day 28 Reflect and Prepare

What to Expect This Week All thinking produces form on some level Each thought you have directly affects your life on some level Letting go of negativity and resentment will help you see oneness and love in everyone You won’t feel comfortable comparing and gossiping You’ll want a more loving connection with everyone

Questions and Answers

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Closing Meditation