Supporting Male Family and Friends Rus Ervin Funk, MSW Coordinator of Mens Engagement

Intro to MensWork Formed in 2007 to “engage, empower and organize” men to prevent all forms of gender- based violence Key projects Promoting gender respect White Ribbon Kentuckiana Combating the Demand Recovering Masculinities Become a formal project of the Center for Women and Families in 2014

Where we’re starting from Understanding of “gender-based” violence Women and girls disproportionately impacted by GBV Impact of GBV on women in the social environment Women are loved by men Women are traumatized, men are harmed

Masculinities How males come to understand ourSelves as “Men” is culturally and socially constructed. This self-definition is at the intersection of our other identities. Within a meta-definition of manhood How these messages and lessons impact on men’s response to loved ones being raped

Being a “Man” What’s Done to Men What Men are Called “Man Up”

What Men Understand About GBV Legal definition Media depictions Through myths more than facts More as sexual than an assault As violent (not necessarily as power and control)

What Men Understand Who is victimized “Those” women or men …By “those” men Victim “responsibility” Focus on the physical harm

Intersectional Theory “Our identity, how we come to understand or define ourselves, is at the intersection of various categories of identity (race/ethnicity, sexual/affectional orientation, gender, etc.) at a given moment in a particular context.” (Funk, 2007, based on Crenshaw, 2001)

Implications for Advocacy People experience GBV at the intersections of: Their multiple identities Their identities and the identities of the other person Their identities and the various systems they come into contact with Male’s interact with their loved ones through these intersections Male’s interact with support systems through these intersections

What do you do to protect yourself…

Men’s typical relationship to GBV None/foreign Othering (“those men” perpetrate it on “those women”) Sexualized/fantasy Violence/harm “Stranger danger”

How men learn about a victimization From another source (police, hospital, etc.) After the fact Hesitant/reluctant disclosure During another crisis/conflict

Supporting men in these moments Listen actively Recognize/identify feelings Anger Frustration Sadness Re-direct

How Men Typically Respond Protective Self-blame Shame Anger Questioning Confusion Eroticization of the assault and of her/his response The need to “fix” it

How men “know” to respond Refer back to the manhood box… To protect “Going after him” With anger At their loved one At the assaulter At the situation At the police/hospital/advocate

Helping Men Support Their Loved One Encourage men to support themselves Educate men to combat their mis-understandings and myths Combat victim-blaming Challenge self-blame Focus their rage Promote Emotional literacy

Addressing Protectionism Educate about the control aspects of GBV How his protectionism can come across as controlling What’s beneath their desire to protect

Combating Self-blame Assume he’s blaming himself and pro-actively combat it “it’s not her fault” -- it’s not yours either How self-blame diverts his attention from actively supporting his loved one

Addressing Anger Normalize Encourage expression Create boundaries How to express Express to who Provide an outlet

Countering Victim-blaming Assume this is going on Normalize and challenge Interrupt his “why” questions Make sure he doesn’t ask “why” Educate

Thank-you! (502)581-7234 rus.funk@cwfempower.org www.mensworkinc.com