Intimacy Chapter 10

What do we mean by intimacy? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgxxAwue7Fs

Intimacy as an Adolescent Issue Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge Characteristics of true intimacy openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust Intimacy becomes an important concern due to changes of puberty, cognitive changes, and social changes Food for Thought: In your view, what are the defining features of an “intimate” relationship? Do you agree with the assertion that genuine intimacy in relationships does not appear before adolescence? Page 331

Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs: need for contact and for tenderness need for adult participation need for peers and peer acceptance Need for intimacy Need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer Need for integration into adult society Page 332 contact and for tenderness - infancy adult participation - early childhood peers and peer acceptance - middle childhood According to Sullivan, the need for intimacy emerges in preadolescence and is typically satisfied through same-sex friendships. During adolescence, this need is integrated with sexual impulses and desires, and the focus of the adolescent’s interpersonal concerns are redirected toward romantic relationships with peers. Food for Thought: According to Sullivan, intimacy first develops in same-sex friendships. Given the differences in the ways that males and females are socialized how might we expect male and female versions of intimacy to differ? Page 334

Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the Nature of Friendship Companionship appears before adolescence Intimacy emerges later Early adolescence Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship Page 338

Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the Nature of Friendship Conflicts that adolescents have with friends Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespect Page 339 During middle adolescence (ages 13 – 15) concerns about loyalty and anxieties over rejections become more pronounced and may temporarily overshadow concerns about intimate self-disclosure.

The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the Display of Intimacy Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion Pages 342-343 Food for Thought: Do you remember your first intimate friendship? What made the relationship different from other friendships that you had previously had? Page 343

The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Sex Differences in Intimacy Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators Girls disclose more to their friends Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends Girls are more concerned about trust and loyalty Food for Thought: What aspects of the transition into adolescence differ for girls and boys that might account for sex differences in intimacy? Page 345

The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers Parent-adolescent relationships Imbalance of power, teens receive advice Adolescent peer relationships Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges Peers become more important but parents do not become unimportant. Page 345

The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Friendships with the Other Sex Little is known about the nature or significance or nonromantic relationships with opposite-sex peers Boys may profit more from these relationships than do girls Food for Thought: Although systemic research has not been conducted on the topic, anecdotal evidence indicates that many more of today’s adolescents have nonromantic friendships with other-sex peers than had been the case in earlier generations. Why do you think this is? Page 353 McGraw-Hill Visual Assets DataBase has a video clip on “Relationships with Boys” that would fit with this lecture. The title of this slide provides a hyperlink to that page. Make sure that you have opened the site with your password before the lecture begins. 15-year-old Girls' Relationships with Boys TWO WHITE FEMALES, 15 YEARS & MULTICULTURAL, 15 YEARS. In this clip we hear three high school students talk about how their relationships with boys have changed since middle school. They discuss how boys are more mature in high school and are often easier to talk to than girls.  

Dating and Romantic Relationships

Class Activity Recall your first date… Letting your child date… How old were you? How did you approach the boy/girl you liked? Where did you go? Alone or in a group? How did it go? Letting your child date… At what age would you allow? Any rules or limitations? Any advantages or disadvantages to allowing your child to date? Will dating expose your child to any situations that you might not feel comfortable with?

Dating and Romantic Relationships High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months 25% of 12-years-olds reported having one 50% of 15-year-olds reported having one 70% of 18-year-olds reported having one

Dating and Romantic Relationships The Development of Dating Relationships Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents Furthering development of gender identity Learning about oneself as a romantic partner Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group

Dating and Romantic Relationships The Development of Dating Relationships Four Phases of Adolescent Romance Infatuation Status Intimate Bonding May not apply to sexual-minority youth, those who are not exclusively heterosexual Page 357

Dating and Romantic Relationships Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development Early and intensive dating before age 15 Stunting effect on psychosocial development Adolescent girls who do not date at all Retarded social development, excessive dependency on parents, feelings of insecurity Moderate degree of dating Potentially most valuable pattern Pages 359-360

Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development Negative effects can occur as well Frequent conversations about personal problems can lead to too much introspection and self-consciousness “Corumination” between friends can make each of the friends depressed

Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development Individuals with satisfying close friendships do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able to make and maintain close relationships with others Food for Thought: Studies find that it is more important to adolescent mental health to have one close friend than to be popular. Why do you think this is the case? Page 361