RELATIONSHIPS AFTER A BRAIN INJURY for staff The Way Ahead Conference 1st July 2017 Alison Towner Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist MSc, COSRT accredited

Workshop aims and plan Reflect on the challenges of intimate relationships after a brain injury (BI) Consider different challenges for people in an existing relationship versus looking to develop a new one Learn new ways to support people to develop more positive and meaningful intimate relationships

RELATIONSHIP CHANGES AFTER BI

Changes following BI for people in a relationship

Being single

Intimacy “IN TO ME SEE” A two-way process Not mind-reading Requires time Requires effort

Four types of intimacy 1. INTELLECTUAL 2. EXPERIENTIAL 3. EMOTIONAL 4.SEXUAL

Differences between men and women?

How might BI affect intimacy? Intellectual Cognitive difficulties Communication problems Experiential Emotional

How might brain injury affect intimacy? 4. Sexual Taboo Lack of opportunity Physical barriers Loss of confidence Change in relationship dynamic

Ideas for developing intimacy Intimacy is a journey

Ideas for developing intimacy Increase self-awareness and self-esteem If present, treat depression

Start with most comfortable type of intimacy 1. INTELLECTUAL 2. EXPERIENTIAL 3. EMOTIONAL 4.SEXUAL

Key to coping with change Communication Key to coping with change

Communication strategies Think about positives as well as negatives What you say What you think about others’ intentions Check things out and do not make assumptions What you think the other is saying What they think you are saying Think about everyone’s perspective Take time after an argument to understand what happened and how to do it differently next time If emotions are getting out of control, agree to come back to it later

Communication strategies Prepare to communicate: What to say (“I” phrases): How do I feel? What do I want? When’s a good time? Where?

Physical / sexual intimacy Find ways to hug, kiss and handhold Plan for intimacy

Resources It may be difficult, but it is possible to find new ways to be intimate Professional help Personal counselling Relationship counselling Sex Therapy Family counselling

Resources

Final summing up How traumatic brain injury can affect relationships People in relationships or single people Intimacy and ways to improve it Any final questions?