Understanding Conflict
What is Conflict ? Conflict is when there is a difference, plus tension.
It is a dispute between two or more persons over values, goals, processes (the way things are done), and/or facts.
Differences of opinion can escalate to disputes which escalate to conflict.
Why Does Conflict Happen? The answer is simple
Your old nature and mine disagree …
My ‘self’ is upset because you will not do what I know is the right thing to do.
I am ‘King of the hill’ and you need to get that through your head I am ‘King of the hill’ and you need to get that through your head. I am right and you are not. I know what is best…
And I can gather a lot of people around me who will agree with me that you are wrong and I am right…
You may ask…. Is conflict always a problem between your old nature and mine????
Again, the answer is simple…
Our new natures, empowered by the Holy Spirit never disagree…
Let’s take time for a brief review from a former deacon training lesson…
Self-conscious God-conscious World-conscious Soul Body Spirit (-the new nature) (mind, emotions, will) ( -the old nature) sin Spirit ego Holy Spirit "flesh" Soul Body World-conscious I Thess 5:23
The ‘soul’ is the old nature… The ‘spirit’ is the new nature which is inhabited by the Holy Spirit
EVERY day (and several times a day), we have to make the choice as to WHICH ONE will rule our life… the old nature…or the new…
The goal of the OLD NATURE: to be king of our life… The goal of the NEW NATURE: to allow Jesus to be King of our life…
This fight is a DAILY one… It is more fierce than any ultimate fighting match you will ever see on TV!
The conflict WITHIN me is what complicates my relationship with YOU and the battle you are having within yourself… The result: conflict between us.
But what can we do? Our old natures are in control all too often!
1. Realize that disagreements and conflicts are inevitable because we are still in these fleshly bodies…
2. Learn how to ‘spot’ the differences so we can deal with them before they escalate into conflict.
3. Recognize that there are differences in our personalities, the way we were ‘wired’ and what we value. Information breeds inspiration and cuts down on conflict.
Learn from this study: Myers Briggs Personality Types
Understanding our own personality traits and those of others will help us a great deal.
Extravert vs Introvert Where do you put your attention and get your energy? Do you like to spend time in the outer world of people and things (Extraversion), or in your inner world of ideas and images (Introversion)?
Sensing or Intuition? Do you prefer solving problems by working through facts until you understand the problem; being practical, looking to the “bottom line.” -or- Are you more interested in new things and what might be possible, thinking more about the future than the past.
Thinking or Feeling? How do you like to make decisions? Some put more weight on objective principles and impersonal facts (Thinking); Others put more weight on personal concerns and how the decision will effect the people involved (Feeling)?
Judging or Perceiving? Some prefer a more structured and decided lifestyle (planning is important) –Judging Some want to be more flexible and adaptable (go with the flow) -Perceiving
Can you see how basic personality differences can set us up for conflict? (Illus. blind men describing an elephant)
One of the biggest problems in conflict issues is the failure to try to see something from someone else’s perspective!
What else complicates conflict? 1. self-centeredness (I don’t want to see from your perspective) 2. spiritual immaturity (I like operating out of the flesh)
3. I cannot control things at home or at work, so I will try to control them at church.
4. If you reject my idea, you are rejecting me. 5. If you can’t see what I am saying, you are wrong.
OTHER FACTORS: Leftover baggage from the past Interpersonal conflicts within the home or outside the church, such as work. Unwillingness to forgive Low self-esteem
Lack of problem-solving skills. Basic fear of change. Fear of confrontation and disagreement
And many, many more!
What CAN we do??? Keep these things in mind…and come back for part 2 of the training!
Remember that there will always be conflict in the church. 2. Keep things out in the light, involving those who need to know
3. A basic plan is essential 3. A basic plan is essential. Have it in place and follow it if at all possible. 4. Seek wise counsel when necessary
5. Follow any Scriptural guidelines that have been given. 6. Deal with issues as soon as possible before they grow and fester.
7. Keep people informed and involved in church decisions 7. Keep people informed and involved in church decisions. When they have to guess what is going on, they will usually react in a negative manner.
8. People who are not united toward a common mission will usually begin to fight with each other.
9. Make prayer a top priority-method in dealing with conflict 9. Make prayer a top priority-method in dealing with conflict. God can change hearts and minds. But don’t expect Him to do what YOU need to do!
10. Resolve to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem!
Teach, preach and train your people Teach, preach and train your people. Spiritual maturity and control by the Holy Spirit (as well as understanding the flesh), will help eliminate the problem of conflict!