Global Summit of Women Athens, Greece 31 May – 2 June , 2012 Negotiating with Difficult People

Negotiating with Difficult People Moderated by Alicia Natividad Difficult People, by Pamela Teagarden Negotiations Process, by Celina Realuyo Techniques for Women, by Sara Bieger

Difficult People in Negotiations Presented by Pamela Teagarden, the Soluna Institute For ‘diversity at the next level’ pamela@solunainstitute.org www.solunainstitute.org

People When do negotiations get difficult? Topic Setting

Some think… We can be emotional We worry too much (what others will think) We say too much (or disclose too much) We change our mind (slow to decide) We do not “stand up” for ourselves We don’t offer an opinion (or we apologize for it) We do not ask for things we need

Is this true? Competitive/Protective Cooperative/Emotional Transacts with others Facts > Feelings Cooperative/Emotional Listens to others Feelings > Facts

We can… Use our emotions as our strength Understand that it’s not personal and find support Stop and think about facts (or prepare with them) Wait until last to speak or take a ‘break’ to think Say it with confidence Make and maintain a ‘personal vision’

People TYPE DO SAY Angry ‘Tyrant’, or ‘bully’ Let them talk. Don’t react. “I see you are angry/upset/frustrated…” Powerful/Intimidator Do nothing. Facts first. Know-it-all Listen actively Use their words with yours Always Negative Listen for feelings Ask questions. Manipulator Listen for facts that you agree with “Something seems out of step…”

Topic Subject Preparation Action Funding/Budget needs Express purpose with logic and facts, then feelings Create a plan: Cost? Opportunity Cost? Reputation Cost? Time/Skills? Tough topic Consider the other’s views Deliver it: Timely Personally Honestly Asking for things you need. Have a personal plan and a ‘supportive mentor’ Ask: Sooner, not later With facts/logic You must practice

Setting Place Your Concerns? Actions In meetings You will be wrong Disclose too much Change your mind Others will judge you Wait to speak Take notes Say it with confidence Do not apologize In public forums Seek a mentor Write a plan Practice One to one Others will feel bad Create trust Be honest Make it timely

Final thoughts. There will always be difficult negotiations/conversations. Our view is needed and not yet ‘the norm’ Practice makes us better A trusted, support/challenge group helps Failure is not personal, it’s business.

Negotiating Effectively with Difficult People June 2, 2012 Global Summit of Women 2012: Women – The Engine of Growth Athens, Greece Negotiating Effectively with Difficult People June 2, 2012 Celina B. Realuyo Assistant Professor of National Security Affairs, U.S. National Defense University President, CBR Global Advisors, LLC professorcelina@gmail.com

Negotiating Effectively with Difficult People RISK REWARD IN A WORLD OF UNCERTAINTY, ONE THING IS FOR SURE, YOU WILL HAVE TO NEGOTIATE WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE! Source: Celina B. Realuyo

Key Actions in Negotiations INQUIRE ACKNOWLEDGE ADVOCATE RESOLVE Source: Celina B. Realuyo

Negotiating Effectively with Difficult People Five Stage Process PREPARE PRACTICE PRESENT PERSIST PREVAIL Prepare by defining your desired objective and strategy Rehearse your talking points beforehand Make your case in a constructive manner Promote and defend your position Reach a win-win outcome Source: Celina B. Realuyo

Negotiating Effectively with Difficult People Consider Culture and Context GUIDELINES Choose when and where to negotiate Decide how to convey message (written or oral) Find shared interests to disarm your counterpart Repeat your message with resolve Understand and respect your counterpart’s culture Source: Celina B. Realuyo

TECHNIQUES FOR NEGOTIATIONS WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Global Summit of Women, Athens 2012 By Sara Bieger, Managing Partner Spain Leaders Trust International – AltoPartners Group Consultants in Executive Search

Is a HELPFUL CONTRADICTION A combination of both SUPPORT & ATTACK Is a HELPFUL CONTRADICTION Fight with energy the essential matters (increase the pressure to obtain an efficient solution) Provide the other person with the necessary SUPPORT (as to improve your relationship) A PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORY states that human beings are displeased by the lack of logics and react against it.

Negotiator: always has 2 kinds of interests The essence & the relationship Both are usually mixed up, because after all, negotiators are always PERSONS.

BASIC CATEGORIES I. PERCEPTION III. COMMUNICATION THE BASICS: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE EMPATHY “PUT YOURSELVE IN SOMEONE ELSE´S SHOES” III. COMMUNICATION THE BASICS: 2 WAY COMMUNICATION II. EMOTION IDENTIFICATION ALL EMOTIONS IV. PREVENTION BUILD a PERSONAL AND SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP

Difficulties to interact with them The main obstacle is: Trying to change them! What happens when the other side is more powerful?

Don't loose your mind! Don't try to change THEM Re-shape and change what YOU DO Change your behaviour towards THEM

ALWAYS REMEMBER: 1. DISSOCIATE your thoughts TO UNDERSTAND 2. ASSOCIATE your thoughts TO ACT 3. KEEP ON TRYING!! How do I feel? Which kind of behaviour upsets you? Which is your behaviour in reply? Which kind of behaviour would you desire from the other side? What would I change in my behaviour to obtain it? Tricks Identify them Make them obvious Don´t be aggressive Negotiate according to the rules Keep yourself calmed Establish your limits without aggressive attitudes Speak from yourself Modify the kind of relationship you have with yourself

ATTITUDE THERE IS A POWER ALWAYS AVAILABLE: THE POWER OF THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

Now, take note of the differences… National Cultures Generations Gender Race Socio-economic power Positional power Etc….