ATTENDING S Face the person Squarely O Adopt an Open posture

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Presentation transcript:

ATTENDING S Face the person Squarely O Adopt an Open posture Effective attending: Tells the other person you are with them Puts you in a position to listen In his book The Skilled Helper, Gerard Egan identifies 'microskills' involved in attending. He uses the acronym SOLER: S Face the person Squarely O Adopt an Open posture L Lean slightly towards the person E Maintain good Eye contact R Try to Relax

SKILLS OF LISTENING Stop talking: The focus must be on the person talking. Prepare yourself to listen: Try to free your mind of other issues. Put the talker at ease: Help the talker to feel free to talk. Think SOLER. Remove distractions: Focus your mind on what is being said. Don't doodle, tap, shuffle papers. Find an appropriate environment. Switch off the phone. Empathize: Show genuine interest.

Be patient: A pause, even a long one, does not mean that the person has finished speaking. Be comfortable with periods of silence. Listen exactly: Listen to what the person is really saying, not what you think s/he should be saying. Listen to the tone: Tone, volume and pitch can give the listener clues to the person's feelings.

Listen for ideas, not just words: You want to get the whole picture Listen for ideas, not just words: You want to get the whole picture. A surface grievance may hide an underlying problem. Find out: Probe gently. Check your own understanding: repeat back what you think you have heard. Watch non-verbal communication: Body posture, gestures, facial expressions and so on are all important. Non-verbal communication can deny or confuse what is being said verbally. It can also confirm what is being said.

EMPATHIC LISTENING Empathic listening means ‘entering the private, perceptual world of the other and becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person, to the fear or rage or tenderness or confusion or whatever that he or she is experiencing. It means temporarily living in the other's life, moving about delicately without making judgments.’ Carl Rogers, A Way of Being, Houghton Mifflin, 1995