www.AskDoctorG.com Changing Kids’ Lives Deborah Giboa, MD
Chores are the canary in the coal mine of kids’ character…
hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: Confidence Competence Relationships hap·pi· ness: noun
WHY RESPECT? Turns an obligation into an achievement Transforms interaction into relationship Gives an individual the certainty of belonging
RESPECT WHAT IS IT? Recognizing worth or excellence Showing regard or consideration Impossible to give if you don’t have any Crucial for success.
RESPECT REQUIRES COMMUNICATION Tone of voice. Titles of respect. Eye contact Body Language Privacy Look up and around
RESPONSIBILITY Chores/roles Homework Practice Leadership Service One work ethic; 2 sentences
WHY DO ADULTS SAY NO? Love Genuine enjoyment responsibility Fear Future consequences Relationship rupture Guilt
CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIES Myth vs Truth
SOURCE: Journal of Child and Family Studies, Feb 2013
THE COST “Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.”
HOW DOES FAILURE HELP? independence → confidence Leads to competence Builds relationship Teaches resilience. 12
RESILIENCE CHALLENGES Mistakes Accidents Pain Social consequences Judgment 11:00 News…
WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? Doing = learning. Doing builds resilience! Life skills Relationship skills Problem-solving! Look for chances to take one step back.
RESILIENCE “I’ll be interested to see what you do!” Mistakes Praise Life lessons Choices Risk-taking Resources! “I’ll be interested to see what you do!”
“Happiness Now” Pressure Unattainable Conflicts with resilience Removes opportunity for resilience “practice” Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok Limits the resources we offer We’re terrible at predicting it for others
Resilience in Practice Build trust Demonstrate gratitude Express empathy Connect resources Offer solutions Resilience in Practice
“That’s a pretty fine fix you’ve gotten yourself into there, kiddo. I’ll be interested to see what you do.”
Empathy without intervention.
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