Writing Project By: Serena Freisinger Resurrection School Fall 2011

Meet the Authors Student 1 – somewhat shy at first, but opened up after getting to know me does not mind writing, but compares her work to others’ Student 2 – likes to write Never afraid to ask questions or for advice Both enjoy making the meetings about me instead of them and their narratives

Pre- Conference Writing Samples Student 1 - When we finally got there it was midnight. Where we first went was my mom’s house every cousins of mine were there so we couldn't stay there so we went to my dads house my uncle called my dads family to come to my dads house. Student 2 - Next we went to King of the Hills. King of the Hills is your at the base of the falls and you get drenched by the water. After that we were cold and wet. We decided to get an ice cream. They were huge. All of us made a big mess! That made us even colder. It was the end of the day and there was a night show that we were going to watch. The falls lit up and there was fireworks! It was awesome!

First Writing Conference Student 1 She had a clear idea of the sequence of events in her narrative. Has trouble breaking up ideas into separate sentences I told her that I was excited to read her narrative and that she was sequencing her piece well. I challenged her to look at one of her run-on sentences and point out the different events that were happening in that sentence. If you cannot read a sentence out loud in one breath, try to separate it into two or more sentences. Does this make sense? Will my reader understand it? Ask a friend to read it and ask them if it makes sense.

First Writing Conference Student 2 Uses quotation marks correctly, which adds voice. Also, she likes to use exclamation marks a lot. Has trouble showing emotion instead of using exclamation marks and saying I was excited. I told her that using quotation marks adds voice and her exclamation marks made me excited to read her paper. I challenged her to show emotion without using exclamation marks. Find the important events in your story and try to add actions which show how you’re feeling. Read it out loud to check for clarity.

Responses to the First Writing Conference Student 2 This conference went pretty well because after reading the story out loud, she was able to pick out parts that did not fit and sentences that needed to be switched around, but she did not focus on showing emotion like we talked about in the conference. Student 1 This conference did not seem like it went well because Jessica could not understand why her sentences were confusing to the reader considering that they made sense to her. She was receptive to the advice I gave her about breaking up sentences.

Progress Student 1 When we finally got there it was midnight. Where we first went was my mom’s house. Every cousins of mine were there. So we couldn't stay there. So we went to my dads house my uncle called my dads family to comes  to my dads house. Student 2 Next we went to King of the Hills. King of the Hills is at the base of the falls and you get drenched by the water. After that we were cold and wet. We decided to get an ice cream. That made us even colder. All of us made a big mess! It was the end of the day and there was a night show that we were going to watch. The falls lit up and there was fireworks. It was awesome!

Second Writing Conference Student 1 She took my advice and broke her long sentences into smaller ones. She also continued her story and added ideas we had talked about before. She told about her experience, but had trouble showing. I told her that I was glad she took my advice and that her narrative was easier to read. After that she wanted to go over the sentences she broke up and talk more about them. I kept coming back and pointing to places where she was painting a picture. Picture the scene in your mind. Write down what you see.

Second Writing Conference Student 2 She varies her sentence lengths and logically orders the events of her story. I notice that her introduction is missing key points. I tell her that I liked how her sentences vary to create fluency and also that it is good that she is using quotations and parentheses. I challenge her to develop her introduction in order to set up the rest of her story. Does the hook make the reader want to read more? Does the intro tell the reader what the story is about? Will the reader know why the topic is important to you? Ask a friend to read your intro and ask him/her to point out the parts of an introduction.

Responses to Second Conference Student 1 Although I did not get to talk to her about painting a picture for the reader as much as I would have liked to, we had a good conversation about breaking up sentences, which made me feel like it made sense to her. Student 2 During the conference, she told me why this trip was important to her, which made me feel like she was getting it.

Progress 2 Student 1 Then we were packing up to go to the beach. We only went with my two uncle Lorenzo, and Felipe. It was fun it took nine hours. I slept the whole way long. Finally we got there but guess what now we had to go three more hours. All of a sudden we saw the beautiful ocean! Then I asked my mom if we can go swimming but she said not yet because we had to go eat then to choose our hotel. Student 2 At last! Were going to Niagara Falls!!! This trip was important to me because my mom went when she was younger. She told me when she went Niagara Falls was really breath-taking. We all woke up at 5:00 A.M. We were all excited but very tired. Our trip took like 11-12 hours. On the way there, My brother, (Sam) My sister (Anna) and I watched movies and read.

Mini-Lesson For my mini-lesson, I need something which would benefit both of my writing buddies. I considered talking about organization, specifically the conclusion, because neither of them had worked on the conclusion to their paper. I decided against that because one buddy was closer to finishing, and I could not tell how the other buddy was planning on ending her paper. Instead, I decided to continue talking about showing not tell to paint a picture because Morgan had not added any examples of it to her narrative since the first conference. This also gave me a chance to help Jessica with it since we got side tracked during our second conference.

Mini-Lesson Topic: Show don’t Tell Introduce – Showing makes the story more interesting for the reader. I’m going to show you how an author shows instead of tell. Discuss – Read The Stars Beneath your Bed by: April Sayre; April adds details to help the reader create a picture. Model – I use my story to show them how to add detail. Then I let them help me with put of my story to test their understanding. Turn and Talk – Think about one part of your writing you could add to. What would you add and why? Talk with each other and tell her about what you would add. Closing and Review – think of important parts of your story where you could add more detail. Picture it in your mind and write what you see, hear, touch, taste, and\or smell. Anticipated Responses and Outcomes – while reading their narratives, I should be able to create a picture in my head. Mini-Lesson Topic: Show don’t Tell I Can . . . Reread and revise my story. Add details to important parts of my story to create a picture for my reader.

Mini-Lesson Responses Buddies Both were very receptive of the tips I gave, so much so that they were looking through their papers during the lesson to find places where they could add. Jessica was quieter probably because Morgan was participating in the lesson as well unlike the conferences, which were one-on-one. Morgan was excited to add more to her paper, but focused on one paragraph. Me I was a bit nervous about the mini-lesson, but it seemed to go well for the most part. If I were to do this again I would make sure that my buddies did not have their computers open until they had to look at their own papers because I think it was a distraction that kept pulling them off topic. I am glad that I wrote a narrative along with them as well because it proved to be a useful tool for modeling.

Assessment\Final Conference Student 1 Adds descriptive details, uses transition words, and has good organization of events Next work on introduction in order to set the reader up for your story. Student 2 Varies sentences, uses quotations for voice, and organized with transition words Next work on adding more detail to create a clear picture for the reader

Final Product Student 1 Now it was eight in the morning. I went to the second floor to see my cousin. I ran so fast to the elevator that when I got there I smacked my head hard, but I did not cry. Then finally I got to the second floor I ran to the door that said 1895 were my cousin Hailey slept and asked her if she wants to go swimming, and she said, yes sure lets go. Student 2 It was the end of the day and there was a night show that we watched. We were exhausted but very excited to see the fireworks. I was now jumping up and down. The Falls lit up and there were fireworks. The fireworks were almost as bright as the sun. It was awesome because the fireworks were colorful, different shapes, and HUGE! The fireworks were really loud!

Overall Reactions Buddies Both of my buddies enjoyed working with me and hated to see me go. They learned a lot about creating a picture. I could tell from their final drafts that they were listening to what I was saying. Me I enjoyed working with my buddies . This experience showed me what it will be like teaching writing. Through this I have learned that I have more to learn before I will be ready to teach my own class.