Types of Conflict Blow-up-sudden eruption Civil-calm & rational Déjà vu-predictable/repeated pattern Indirect-not explicitly discussed Mock Sarcastic sniping-hostile sarcasm Silent treatment-two or more encounters

Power’s Close Ties with Conflict: Defining Characteristics Always present-symmetrical & complementary Can be used ethically & unethically Is granted Influences most conflicts

Power Currencies: Possess or Control Some Resource Resource Currency: material-$, property, food Expertise Currency: special skills/knowledge Social Network Currency: links with family, friends, acquaintances Personal Currency: physical beauty, intelligence, charm, Comm skills, funny Intimacy Currency: unique bond

How do you approach conflict? Avoiding Keep issues to myself Usually avoid open discussion of my differences w/ others Try to stay away from topics of disagree. Keep disagreements to myself to avoid hard feelings Try to avoid unpleasant exchanges Accommodating Generally try to satisfy others’ needs Usually accommodate others’ wishes Give in to others’ desires Often go w/ others’ suggestions Try to satisfy others’ expectations

Conflict approaches cont. Competing Use my influence to get my ideas accepted Use my authority to make decisions go in my favor Pursue my side of an issue Sometimes use my power to win Use my expertise to make sure decisions go my way Collaborating Investigate issues to find solutions acceptable to both Integrate my ideas w/ those of others to come up w/ decision jointly Work w/others to find solutions that satisfy both our expectations Exchange info w/ others so we can solve problems together Bring all our concerns out in the open so issues can be resolved

COMMUNICATION PATTERNS IN CONFLICT UNPRODUCTIVE-Early Disconfirming climate Poor listening Evident, negative nonverbal Cross-complaining Assuming, Discounting, Mind-reading

Unproductive cont. Middle Negative climate cont. to spiral Kitchen-sinking Interruptions Derailing-rerouting Cross-complaining & cutting other off

Unproductive cont. Later Self-preoccupation Counterproposals-competing Self-summarizing Egocentric communication Metacommunication Promotes dogmatism, rigid thinking, etc

Negative Spiral Egocentrism Poor listening Disconfirmation Defensiveness Dogmatism Hostile mind reading Kitchen-sinking Self-summarizing…..

Constructive Conflict Early Climate sets the tone-recognizing & acknowledging Sensitivity Use of “I” language Openness Use of questioning

Constructive cont. Middle Agenda building-focusing Bracketing for side issues Ongoing respect demonstrated Perception checking Clarifying Acknowledge ideas, feelings, concerns

Constructive cont. Later Collaborative resolution Contracting-negotiating & acceptance

Short-Term Conflict Resolutions Separation Domination Compromise Integrative agreements Structural improvements

Long-Term Conflict Resolutions Collaboration

Unsolvable Conflicts You & the other Are not willing to change Have goals that are irreconcilable & strongly held Uncooperative Chronically defensive Violent

Grace Let go of anger, blame, judgments Given with no strings Not always appropriate May be a measurement of how a relationship progresses