Chapter 9: Interpersonal Attraction

Learning Objectives How do our dual desires to understand ourselves and receive rewards influence with whom we choose to spend time? How does culture shape our belongingness needs? When it comes to physical appearance, is it true that we tend to believe that "beauty is only skin deep"? Do "birds of a feather flock together," or is it more accurate that "opposites attract"?

Reasons Behind the Need to Belong Social comparison The need to understand the world and ourselves. Compare the self with similar others to see how we measure up. Social exchange Keep track of relationship costs and rewards. Exit relationship if cost/reward ratio is too high relative to alternative relationships.

Biology and Affiliation The social attachment "alarm system" is in the anterior cingulate cortex. Same brain area is involved in pain detection. Introverts experience higher levels of CNS arousal chronically. They seek to keep the environment from pushing arousal to an uncomfortable level. Extroverts experience greater activation of dopamine pathways. Associated with reward and positive affect

Socialization and the Need to Belong Positive correlation between a country's individualism and its people's need to belong Individualists have relatively numerous, but non- intimate relationships. Interdependent self Seen more often in girls than boys Associated with more committed relationships Produces better memory for relational events

Proximity Close physical proximity fosters friendships and romantic relationships. May be due to the mere exposure effect Internet produces virtual proximity. Dislike can also be amplified by proximity.

Figure 9.1 Proximity and Friendship Development

Belongingness and Anxiety People awaiting an unpleasant experience prefer the company of others also awaiting it. "Misery loves only miserable company." When aversion is due to expected embarrassment, people prefer to be alone. When anticipating a fearful event, people may prefer to be with someone who has gone through it already. This reflects a need for cognitive clarity and social support.

Figure 9.2 Desire to Affiliate Among High and Low Anxiety Individuals

Figure 9.3 Social Interaction in the Aftermath of September 11, 2001

Physical Attractiveness Stereotype We believe "what is beautiful is good." Attractive people are assumed to be more successful, happy, intelligent, and socially skilled than others. Effect occurs in both individualist and collectivist cultures. Stereotype affects observers reactions. Seen in interactions with infants, children, adults Meta-analysis indicates that this stereotype is false except for social skills. Social skills advantage may be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Attractiveness Standards: Body Men place greater value on physical attractiveness of partner than women. Gender difference is stronger when contemplating long-term relationships rather than short-term ones. For women, waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7 is considered attractive across cultures. When food supply is uncertain, the desired ratio increases.

Attractiveness Standard: Face Facial symmetry is preferred across cultures. Indicates health Averaged facial features for a culture is preferred in that culture. Feature maturity is preferred in men. Feature immaturity is preferred in women.

Figure 9.4 Gender Differences in Mate Selection Preferences

Looks-for-Status Effect Evolutionary argument Women have a shorter time span to reproduce than men. Therefore, men will seek women who look young. Women will seek men who can protect and provide for offspring. Sociocultural argument Women have historically been excluded from positions of power. Social advancement is therefore tied to a man's status. Women's physical appearance is her "currency" in the relationship marketplace.

Body Esteem Women are socialized to believe their bodies are decorative objects. Men are socialized to believe their bodies are instruments of action in the world. Many women habitually experience negativity about their physical appearances.

Social Comparison and Attractiveness When viewed at the same time: Radiation effect: an average person seen as more attractive when with an attractive person When viewed sequentially: Contrast effect: an average person seen as less attractive when seen after an attractive person

Figure 9.5 Self-Ratings of Attractiveness Following Exposure to Attractive and Unattractive Same-Sex and Other-Sex Individuals

Matching Hypothesis We are attracted to those who are similar to us on certain characteristics. Examples include: Attitudes Physical attractiveness Self-worth Popularity In attitude matching, proportion of similar attitudes is more important than raw number.

Explanations for Matching Hypothesis Social comparison explanation: Someone similar to us validates our own self-beliefs. Evolutionary explanation: Similarity cues indicate those who are genetically similar. Familiarity explanation: We like things that are similar because they are familiar.

Figure 9.6 Similarity and Attraction

Social Anxiety The unpleasant emotion we experience due to our concern with interpersonal evaluation and social status When socially anxious, we: Are less likely to initiate interaction Sometimes stammer and stutter Occasionally withdraw from interactions Unlike other kinds of anxiety, social anxiety reduces desire to affiliate with others.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Illusion of transparency: We overestimate the extent to which others can detect our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If I believe others can see my nervousness, I get even more nervous. I expect, look for, and react to any hint of rejection in the environment. Therefore, I act strange and jittery, the encounter goes poorly, and my beliefs are confirmed.

Friends and Social Anxiety Nonanxious friends can help reduce social anxiety. They provide subtle prompting for smoother encounters. Socially anxious friends can increase social anxiety. Over time, they influence each other into becoming more anxious.

Loneliness Having a smaller/less satisfying network of social relationships than we desire Difference in quality, not quantity, of interaction Chronically lonely people use more internal, stable attributions for loneliness. Changing the attributional style reduced loneliness.

Age, Gender, Culture, & Loneliness Adolescents and young adults are the loneliest age groups. No clear gender differences on degree of loneliness Gender differences regarding the cause of loneliness Men are lonely when deprived of group interaction. Women are lonely when deprived of one-on-one sharing. Individualists are more likely to be lonely. And to attribute the cause to internal, stable factors

Is Loneliness Contagious? Loneliness occurs in clusters. Non-lonely people who associate with lonely people become lonelier over time. Social contagion is stronger in women's social networks. Networks may seek to protect members by isolating or rejecting lonely people.

Social Skills Deficits and Loneliness Lonely people rate themselves more negatively. Less friendly Less honest and open Less warm They expect others to see them this way, too. In interactions, they: Spend more time talking about self Show less interest in conversation partners