BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT Dr. Jody Janati

I Don’t Understand that “Tact Sh!%” You Teach at the College!

“RUDENESS IS THE WEAK MAN’S IMITATION OF STRENGTH” ~ Eric Hoffer

“Stay on the GROW” DR. JANATI THE POLITE PATTERN Cliché Fact Opinion Emotion “Stay on the GROW” DR. JANATI

“PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO BE WHO THEY ARE DESPITE YOUR OPINION OF THEM”

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION Pursue your best interests w/o denying another’s Separate the person from the problem Focus on shared interests, “what do we both…” Generate options to solve problems  Choose “I” statements before “You” statements, “I feel uncomfortable when you use language…” Stick to the facts Express little to no emotion during an interaction Face difficult interactions squarely and authentically

You are a Piece of the Peace

HOW YOU SAY SOMETHING MATTERS PLEASE SIT DOWN, YOU ARE ROCKING THE BOAT   OF COURSE I’LL HELP SERVE REFRESHMENTS I AM SO GLAD YOU GAVE ME YOUR PERMISSION WE CAN GO HOME NOW JERRY NO, STOP THAT. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID ARE YOU ALWAYS SO HELPFUL THAT’S THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD Paralanguage: Nonverbal Messages Regarding the Way You Use Your Voice

The words LISTEN and SILENT have the same letters in them

WHY W AM A I TALKING T

Being PRESENT is a response! FIGHT FLEE or FLOW

EYEBALLS + FEELING THE FEELING THEY ARE FEELING BEING PRESENT “Eyes are the windows to the soul” “S/he looked right through me” “What a cold stare” “S/he’s got shifty eyes” “There was a gleam in his eye” “We’re not seeing eye to eye” “She gave me the evil eye” “He shot daggers across the room” “S/he could kill with that glance” “S/he made eyes at me” “We had a stare down” “S/he gave me the stink eye” EYEBALLS + FEELING THE FEELING THEY ARE FEELING BEING PRESENT

FEELING + NEED LANGUAGE OF COLLABORATION

HOW DO WE BALANCE BEHAVIOR? Create little to no resistance “Ask; Don’t Tell; Offer Choices” Be consistent “Consistency Over Time = Trust” Awareness = Change Commit to making other’s aware “I noticed…I see you are…”

REDUCE RESISTANCE Eliminate these words and find your “Conversation Peace” SHOULD SHOULDN’T NEED TO STOP DON’T NOT HAVE TO OUGHT TO

BALANCING BEHAVIOR 1. Tell them what they did [fact] 2. Tell them how it made you feel -or- State a consequence of their behavior 3. “Point it out, Bring it up, Put it on your radar, Thought you should know, Wanted you to be aware...”

TIME TO ACT! Step 1 - A Ask them to meet with you [give them at least 10 min.] Step 2 - C Clear concise statement [10 -12 words] Step 3 - T Transfer responsibility [repeat about 10 times]

Control your thoughts or they will control you THANK YOU! You are “Response – Able!” May You Find Your “Conversation Peace” “When I think the thought “_______________,” my thoughts and behavior towards this person become “_____________________.” Dr. Jody Janati jodyjanati@yahoo.com | 651.210.2246 www.communicationinnovation.vpweb.com