Revising a Paragraph and Practicing Peer Reviews #2

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Presentation transcript:

Revising a Paragraph and Practicing Peer Reviews #2 Brain Flexor Revising a Paragraph and Practicing Peer Reviews #2

Brain Flexor – Revising a Paragraph #2 Put the following excerpt through the RADaR. Make revisions as you rewrite this paragraph. Pretend a peer wrote this paragraph and fill out the T-chart from that perspective. With such a high demands placed on the youth of our nation, there is reason to believe that it seems only fair that they are given more time. I am going to show you that they are only young once. Teens should not be made to grow up at such a fast pace. An extra year of high school will allows students to enjoy their education by giving them the gift of time, time to relax, time to take classes at their own pace and maintain a healthy lifestyle, time to discover the fun and interest in school. More time in high school will benefit students now and in the future. In a T-Chart, list at least two strengths and two weaknesses of this piece. Highlight the strongest & weakest points. Suggested ideas: RADaR Revision Strategies Use Your FCAT Writing Rubric: Focus, Organization, Support, Conventions & Check-4 Columns Elements of Voice: Are there any words that are flat, overused, or meaningless? Are there any rich vocabulary words that add to the overall effect of the paper? + -

Suggested Revision With such a high demands placed on the youth of our nation, there is reason to believe that it seems only fair that they are given provided more time to complete high school. I showed you that They are only young once. Youth comes only once in a lifetime. Teens should not be made forced to grow up at such a fast pace. An extra year of high school will allows students to enjoy appreciate their education by giving them the gift of time: time to relax, time to take classes at their own pace and maintain a healthy lifestyle, time to discover the fun and interest in school. More time in high school will benefit students now and in the future.

Strengths & Weaknesses + - Syntax – varied sentence structure CWS Rep for Effect (RE) Magic 3 (M3) Support – development is ample, specific and logical Diction – need to strengthen to sound more vivid and academic Subject/Verb Agreement - an extra year/will allow not an extra year/will allows Do not talk about your writing Auxiliary verbs

On a separate sheet of paper: Self-Assessment: Goal: (1 or 2) 1. 2. Peer Review (Chronological, Full-circle ending, growth) + - 1. 2. 3. + - 1. 2. 3.