Common-Sense Parenting: Conflict Resolution

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Presentation transcript:

Common-Sense Parenting: Conflict Resolution (The Peacemaker, Ken Sande, Baker Books, 1997)

What is conflict? A difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.

Responses to Conflict: Peace-making Negotiate Mediate Discuss Arbitrate Overlook Church Discipline Denial Reconcile Peace-faking Litigate Peace-breaking Flight Assault Suicide Escape Attack Murder

Responses to Conflict: Peace-making Negotiate Mediate Discuss Arbitrate Overlook Church Discipline Denial Reconcile Peace-faking Litigate Peace-breaking Flight Assault Suicide Escape Attack Murder What’s the ME US YOU focus?

Responses to Conflict: Peace-making Negotiate Mediate Discuss Arbitrate Overlook Church Discipline Denial Reconcile Peace-faking Litigate Peace-breaking Flight Assault Suicide Escape Attack Murder Who is private public involved?

A Biblical View of Conflict: We are different: opinions, desires, perspectives, priorities, abilities, interests We are sinful: selfish, jealous, lustful, proud, lazy (James 4:1-2) We have an unseen adversary: Satan

Conflict is an Opportunity: To glorify God To serve others (Gal. 6:2) To grow in Christ-likeness

Three dimensions of Peace: Peace with God (Rom. 5:1-2). Peace with others (Eph. 4:1-3). Peace within myself (Isa. 26:3).

Biblical Reconciliation: Get the log out of your eye (Matt.7:3-5). Lovingly, humbly, honestly confront. Listen to the other party. Seek a mutually satisfactory resolution.

Biblical Confrontation: Duty to show your brother his fault (Matt. 18:15). Go to your brother, not everyone else. Go in humility and boldness. Speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). Forgive as God forgave you (Col. 3:13).

How to Confront: “I feel __________ when you ___________, because ________________.”

Adopt “rules of engagement”: Any topic can be discussed. Take turns talking and listening without interruption. Restate each other’s position. No shouting (Prov. 15:1). No cursing (Col. 4:6) No “hitting below the belt.” Affirm the relationship.

No-no’s in the heat of battle: Leaving and driving off in anger. Saying hurtful things. Dredging up the past. Going to parents. Hitting. Sulking.

How Not to Apologize: Half-hearted (“If I offended anyone…..”). Excuse-making (“but ______ caused me to ___________”). Minimizing or trivializing the damage.

Biblical Confession: Ask for God’s help. Admit specifically. Apologize (rehearse your speech – Luke 15:18-19). Ask for forgiveness. Accept consequences. Allow time. Alter your behavior.

Wise Communication: Choose the right time and place. Talk in person whenever possible. Plan your words. Be quick to listen, ask for feedback. Affirm the relationship. Offer solutions and preferences. Ask for God’s help (II Tim. 2:24-26).