高三读后续写 讲评课 瑞安十中 潘晓辉

Evaluations for Completing the story (续写) cohesion (衔接) Content (内容) Language （语言) Coherence (连贯性)

与段首句的衔接 Para 1: Everybody was fixing their eyes on Jenny, waiting for an explanation._____________________________ ______________________________________________ Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first._____________________ 衔接句1 衔接句2 衔接句3

S1: She was embarrassed and didn’t say anything. ……“she's stolen my watch!”Lee said angrily, “It went missing at school yesterday.” Para 1: Everybody was fixing their eyes on Jenny, waiting for an explanation._____________________________ ______________________________________________ Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first.__________________________________ 衔接句1 S1: She was embarrassed and didn’t say anything. S2: On hearing that, Jenny felt embarrassed and hesitated for a while.

S3: Jenny quickly returned the magical watch to Lee. Para 1: Everybody was fixing their eyes on Jenny, waiting for an explanation.______________________________________________ ________________________________________________ _______________________________________________ Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first._______________________ S3: Jenny quickly returned the magical watch to Lee. S: Everyone wondered what happened, but Jenny gave no answer. S4: “Can I give the speech first and then explain?” she said. 衔接句2

S6: After Jenny took a deep breath, she walked to the platform. Para 1: Everybody was fixing their eyes on Jenny, waiting for an explanation._____________________________ _____________________________________________ ______________________________________________ Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first._____________________ 衔接句3 S6: After Jenny took a deep breath, she walked to the platform. S7: Jenny took off the watch and returned it to lee.

与原文内容的衔接 Para 1: Everybody was fixing their eyes on Jenny, waiting for an explanation. . ……………………………………………… Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first ① ② ③ ④

On arriving home, Jenny put it on almost without 读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。 It was time to go home. “Remember to work on your class speeches for homework,” Miss Walker called, as everyone started talking and packing their school bags. Jenny felt sick. She hated having to read aloud in class. She was sure everyone got really bored listening to her. Once, when Jenny was reading out her holiday diary, Lee was even looking at his watch, a silver and blue one which seemed just magical. Jenny watched Lee walk ahead of her as they left school. He seemed so clever, and he had a certain sort of shining confidence. He was just one of those people who were good at everything. Jenny sighed. As she turned the corner, she saw Lee’s watch lying right in the middle of the path. Jenny knew she should just pick it up and return it to him, but she didn’t want to run after him. Jenny bent down quickly, picked up the watch and ran home. On arriving home, Jenny put it on almost without thinking. She was surprised it fitted so well. She walked to the mirror and started practicing her speech. Words just flooded out of her. “……Jenny laughed with excitement. She walked across the room. She suddenly seemed to have a certain sort of confidence. Turning back to the mirror, Jenny saw a flash of light from the watch in the glass. The flashes of silver seemed almost magical. So maybe Lee’s watch really DID have something magic about it. The next day, as the lesson began, Miss Walker asked who was going to be brave and go first. Nobody moved. Jenny slowly raised her arm. Before Miss Walker could say anything, there was a shout from behind. “She’s stolen my watch!” Lee said angrily, “It went missing at school yesterday.” On arriving home, Jenny put it on almost without thinking. She was surprised it fitted so well. She walked to the mirror and started practicing her speech. Words just flooded out of her. “……Jenny laughed with excitement. She walked across the room. She suddenly seemed to have a certain sort of confidence.

与原文内容的衔接 Para 1: Everybody was fixing their eyes on Jenny, waiting for an explanation. . ……………………………………………… Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first ① ② ③ ④

与主题的衔接 Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first.

与主题的衔接 Para 2: At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny's speech first. Jenny took a deep breath and adjusted her emotions. Then words flooded out . “I’m going to…” The classroom became quiet except the wonderful voice. Lee was amazed by Jenny's performance and fell in love with her. After finishing her speech, she went towards Lee and returned the watch. Lee smiled, touched Jenny's face and said:“ It’s yours now, honey!” After finishing the speech, Jenny walked up to Lee and took off the watch, saying:“ Here you are, Lee. I'm sorry.” but Lee refused: “If the watch is more useful for you, the watch belongs to you.” theme

rich Language 1. Jenny was embarrassed and didn’t say anything. 2. Jenny finished explaining. Everyone laughed. 3. “Could I give the speech first and then explain?” she said.

rich Language 1. Jenny was embarrassed and didn’t say anything. So embarrassed was Jenny that she didn’t say anything. Jenny was embarrassed, not saying anything. With embarrassment, Jenny was at a loss. (张宏) Embarrassed, Jenny failed to say anything.

rich Language 2. Jenny finished explaining. Everyone laughed. Immediately Jenny finished explaining, everyone laughed. Hardly had Jenny finished explaining when everyone burst out laughing. (叶梦雪) After Jenny finished explaining, a storm of laughing erupted from the class.

rich Language 3. “Could I give the speech first and then explain?” she said, with tears ( 徐思思) she said, sobbing (黄鹏) she requested, in a tone of begging.

Improve Paragraph 2 注意： 1 与段首句，原文内容，主题是否衔接 2 语言的丰富性和准确性 At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny’s speech first. Jenny was confident and went to the platform. But she couldn’t speak one word . Jenny was nervous and didn’t know what to do. When She saw Miss Walker’s eyes, she breathed and went on. She finished the speech. Applause came out. There was no doubt that it was a successful speech.

At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny’s speech first. Jenny made her way to the platform with confidence. Out of her expectation, Words failed to flood out of her. Jenny was at a loss what to do. Seeing Miss Walker’s encouraging eyes. Jenny took a deep breath and went on. Hardly had Jenny finished her speech when a storm of applause erupted from the class. Relieved, Jenny explained what happened and apologized to Lee. She eventually realized the real source of confidence.(73)

Homework: improve your writing

homework

improving paragraph 2 注意： 1 与段首句，原文内容，主题是否衔接 2 使用丰富的语言 At that, Miss Walker smiled and asked the class to listen to Jenny’s speech first. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________