SHAME NATION: Helping Teens Choose Kindness In An Age of Trolling By Sue Scheff @SueScheff www.suescheff.com Sue.scheff@gmail.com Online hate. Sexting scandals. Ugly poll contests. Sextortion. Welcome to Shame Nation. © Sue Scheff

Welcome to Shame Nation 59% of U.S teens have been bullied or harassed online. -Pew Research Center, 2018  50% of teens feel “addicted” to their phones. -Common Sense Media, 2016  39% of teens have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages (sexting). -GuardChild 2017  Technology is making children dangerously unhealthy. -World Health Organization, 2017  Instagram ranked worst for young people’s mental health. -#StatusOfMind, 2017 95% of teens own smartphones and 45% say they are constantly online. –Pew Research, 2018 Over 50% of teens experience of bullying and harassment online today. 95% of teens own a smartphone – and 45% of them say they’re online constantly. So when we ask the question – how can help them choose kindness in an age of trolling – there’s only one answer… It starts with us! It’s not only about leading by example or being their role-model – we must be their cyber-mentor. © Sue Scheff

CYBER-MENTORS Online Behavior Digital Resilience Being Upstanders Young people not only need mentors offline – they need us to be there for them online – especially with the majority of them digitally connect. We have adults – parents, teachers, celebrities, athletes and especially politicians online today – acting badly, and it’s sending the wrong message to young people. I will discuss 3 ways we must mentor our kids online to help them choose kindness when they are faced with adversity and trolling online. Improving our own online behavior – to prevent digital disasters & avoid those oops moments. Help teens develop digital resilience to prepare them for hateful content and harassment. Being upstanders which activates our empathy when we witness people struggling online. Helping teens choose kindness starts with us! © Sue Scheff

Online Reputation Your online reputation is an extension of your online behavior which is a reflection of your offline character. My lawyer vindicated my but ReputationDefender gave me my life and career back. Your online reputation is an extension of your online behavior which is a reflection of your offline character. We are facing a time where people from all walks of life are in jeopardy of losing their jobs, TEENS are sacrificing college scholarships – due to careless posts, reckless tweets or even misconstrued text messages. It’s my experiences – as bad as they were – that gives me the tools that helps me HELP YOU. Let’s begin by reviewing some digital mis-step by smart people and why we must mentor the next generation online. © Sue Scheff

Smart People – Dumb Digital Decisions Boston teacher blunder California teacher vents From the East Coast to the West Coast: Whether you upload an image on FB without the appropriate context – or send out an emotional tweet that would have been handled better with a session of whine and wine…. Your online behavior can have lasting and serious consequences especially when you post in haste. © Sue Scheff

88% of adults have sent sext messages. Teachers, School Coaches & Other Professionals Sexting Students round-up (2018 cases) Franklin High School, OH Blountstown High School, FL Kerrville's Tivy High School, TX Willcox High School, AZ Roosevelt High School, MI Douglass High School, OK Jackson High School, MI Ridgewood Middle School, NY Las Brisas Academy Elementary School, AZ Montgomery Township High School, NJ Landon Middle School, FL Andrew Jackson Middle School, WV Sexting. Sexting is common among adults today, but it doesn’t come without risks. Many parents talk to their kids about the consequences of putting sexual content on a digital device – teachers will warn students of this risks of sending or receiving nudes or sexual content – yet it’s almost a weekly basis we read about…… Teachers, coaches, police officers, firefighters & other adults that should know better sexting minors. We are the role-models & must do better. 88% of adults have sent sext messages. -Drexel, 2015 © Sue Scheff

Your Online Behavior Is Never Off the Clock Georgia teacher overshares Teacher’s aide with a passion for fashion Your Online behavior is Never Off The Clock We’re all allowed to have opinions as well as our hobbies & interests – But with the majority of workplaces, including school districts that have social media policies in place: Esp as role models – we must abide by them. © Sue Scheff

Participatory Culture The truth is –We’re living in a participatory culture. From the moment we wake up. Pple are embracing, engaging & interacting on social. Your indiscretion the night before, is down your neighbors new stream by morning. dreamstimes.com Embracing, engaging & interacting on social media © Sue Scheff

It’s these stories that connect us. These stories that remind us. We’re all capable of an oops moment. © Sue Scheff

Part 1. Improving Our Online Behavior 3-C’s of online behavior Conduct Content Caring 5 Ways to rethink how we share online Sharing too much Emotional sharing Sharing inappropriate material Constructive sharing Know your audience Part 1 of becoming a Cyber-mentor. Let’s review ways we can improve our online behavior and it’s all grounded in the foundation of “civility.” 3-C’s – Conduct, content and caring. 5 Ways to rethink how we share online – since it’s not only what we share – but how we share it. © Sue Scheff

3 C’s of Responsible Online Behavior There’s no rewind online 1. Conduct: Self-awareness, check-in with yourself. Never put a temporary emotion on the permanent Internet. Think twice, post once. 2. Content: Will it embarrass you or someone else? Tweet regrets or post remorse. Know your emojis. 3. Caring: Respect. Care enough about yourself to know when to click-out. When in doubt, click-out. When I won my landmark case, I referred to the keypad as a legal lethal weapon. You can use your keystokes 4-ways. (Tool or Weapon) Help, Heal, Hurt or Harm –it’s up to us. Conduct: Become more self-aware of yourself. Anger is temp-online is forever. Content: Tweet regrets & post remorse. Know your emojis. Caring: Care enough abt yourself to click out. Treat pple the way you want to be treated. It’s a good time to remind everyone – we are all capable of troll behavior. Tool or weapon? Help Heal Hurt Harm © Sue Scheff

Tweet regret leads to post remorse: The Troll In Us Stanford & Cornell 2017 Study: Anyone can be a troll. Wake up on the wrong side of bed or having a bad day - and our fingers go flying.   Under the right circumstances – and we’re all cable of troll-like behavior. Prof. Ken Storey is a classic example of tweet regret & post remorse – and how you can end up on the unemployment line. What is more long lasting is your online reputation. Tweet regret leads to post remorse: “I deeply regret a statement I posted yesterday. I never meant to wish ill will upon any group. I hope all affected by Harvey recover quickly.” –Professor Ken Storey © Sue Scheff

5 Ways to Rethink Your Online Sharing Habits Is it necessary? Social sharing for your platform or oversharing for your ego? Avoid sharing in haste. 2. Emotional sharing: Having a bad day? Social media shouldn’t be used as a diary. Avoid using cyber-friends as cyber-therapists. Is it necessary –Social sharing for your platform or oversharing for your ego? Harvard study: Humblebraggers that overshare – frowned upon – considered frauds – less than genuine pple UCLA Study: Pple who overshare, less likely to receive help or empathy if they are bullied or harassed online. Reminding us that everything we do offline doesn’t need to be documented online. Think twice – post once. Emotional sharing –Arguing w a spouse, your kids? Social media is not a Venting Machine. Don’t use cyber-friends as if they are therapists. © Sue Scheff

5 Ways to Rethink Your Online Sharing Habits 3. Inappropriate sharing: Profanity, sexual content, drug use or other irresponsible posts. 4. Constructive sharing: Do you disagree with someone? Be constructive – not combative. 5. Know your audience: Family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, supervisors, etc. INAPPROPRIATE Sharing -self explanatory. CONSTRUCTIVE sharing: Showcase your wisdom without being snarky. Have healthy – respectful debates. Know your audience – Family friends – BOSS - colleagues? Esp on FB where people share more intimately – Create lists so you are sharing with people that care about your posts and interests. Being mindful with your sharing is important – oversharing contributes to cyberbullying. Let’s discuss how we can curb online bullying by developing digital resilience. Create lists to limit oversharing personal content. © Sue Scheff

Part 2. 5 Ways to Build Digital Resilience Being forewarned is being forearmed. Prepare them for the ugly- side of social media. Show how to report abuse. Online is not always reality. Critical thinking. Encourage offline socializing. Part 2 of becoming a Cyber-mentor. Teens may always be app ahead of you but they will always need your wisdom that doesn’t come with technology. Building digital resilience is crucial to help them handle online hate - as well as choose kindness and compassion when faced with difficult choices. © Sue Scheff

1. Prepare them for the ugly side of social media. Online hate Cyberbullying Sexting scandals Revenge porn Ugly poll contests Sextortion Online predators Cruel comments, twisted trusts, lies and mean memes – trolls attacking me & that as before social media when I was attacked. Today it can be more sinister.   Sexting Scandals, Sextortion, Revenge Porn, Online predators, Ugly Poll Contests, Racial Slurs & other forms of emotional torture – thanks to technology. Some parents blame “apps” – whether it was Juicy Campus from years ago – or Burnbook to Yik Yak to Ask.fm – they are here today – gone tomorrow – it’s all about human behavior. It’s why we have to prepare them for all platforms and apps. Which brings us to number 2: © Sue Scheff

2. Report, flag and block abusive content. Online bullying Harassment (sexual) or otherwise. Sexual content Hate speech, racial slurs Pornography Telling someone offline is as important as reporting online. Parent Friend Trusted adult (teacher, relative) Appropriate authority if necessary (school or law enforcement) Teaching our teens to report online is just as important as telling someone offline. Becoming better reporters: A valuable lesson I learned in 2006, is reading the TOS as it pertains to harassment, hate and abuse. Once you understand what constitutes abuse on the platform or app – you can report in accordance to how it violates their TOS – you are more likely to have the content removed. This also teaches your teen about appropriate online behavior. © Sue Scheff

3. Online is not always reality. Understanding online deception: Filtered selfies. Altered images give false sense of real-life. Social media envy. Catfishing (people disguising their identities). Helping our teens understanding that everything online is not what it seems can help take the pressure off of them. Especially with the frequent use of filters. These create a false sense of reality. Teens scroll through their social feed with a feeling of social media envy & a sense of compare & despair attitude as they think…. Why are they “less than” everyone else. Parents (adults) – according to a 2016 study, embellish their lives online to make themselves appear more than they are too. However – adults have the resilience and maturity to know online is not what it seems. We have to constantly remind our kids of this. Especially as it pertains to online predators – people who may appear to be peers – but are adults. 90% of adults expect people to lie about what they look like (online). -Computer In Human Behavior, 2016 © Sue Scheff

C.R.A.P. Detection Test 80% of students can’t differentiate between real & “fake” news. -Stanford, 2016 Currency: How recent or up-to-date is the information. Reliability: Is the content opinion based or balanced? Does it provide references or sources for data? Authority: Who is the author or source, and are they reputable? Point of view: Does the poster have an agenda or are they trying to sell something? Teens need to learn how to elevate the accuracy of online news and information. The CRAP test is a way to find out the truth behind the screen. Part of being kind online – is “not” spreading gossip, rumors or fake news. Give your teens critical thinking skills – train them to become media literate. -Howard Rheingold © Sue Scheff

4. Critical thinking: Consequences of what they post. 70% of businesses use social media to screen candidates before hiring. –CareerBuilder,2018 75% of colleges preview applicants online behavior before accepting them. -American Association of Collegiate Registrars and Admissions Officers, 2018 Helping them think through the consequences of what they post and how it can impact their future. Maj of colleges & businesses will preview applicants social media feeds before they interview them. They have stepped it up a notch – up until last year, schools & businesses would preview your content and posts – now surveys are saying it’s about your social media behavior. This is a reflection of your offline character – how do you treat people online. © Sue Scheff

5. Socializing in real life develops empathy for others. 69% of teens want to socialize in person, rather than online. Ways to cut screen time: Create device free time. Mealtime is for eating & engaging – not emails. Set boundaries for cell phones. Limit notifications on your gadgets. It can wait. Don’t text and drive. Communicating solely behind a screen can be isolating. Socializing in person helps your teen build compassion and empathy toward people.   1. Create device free time. Hiking, biking, swimming. 2. Meal time is for eating – not emails. 3. Create boundaries for cell phones. (Maj of teens want boundaries. Phones all charge in the LR at night) Get them out of the bedrooms at night. 4. Limit notifications on your gadgets. (turn-off some of your bells and whistles so you’re not jumping every second-also saves your battery life.) 5. It can wait. Don’t text and drive. Car goes on – phone goes off. Parents don’t text or call your teen when you know they are driving. 26% of teens wish someone would impose screen time limits. -Screen Education Survey, 2018 © Sue Scheff

Part 3. Being Upstanders Don’t perpetuate hate. Reach out to people struggling. Digital you (reflection). Part 3 of becoming a Cyber-Mentor. Being an upstander is someone who recognizes when something is wrong – online – and acts to make it right. Especially as a Cyber-mentor – we must be socially responsible online to support those that are struggling. “How do you handle online cruelty?” © Sue Scheff

1. Don’t Perpetuate Hate. 1. Report & flag abusive content. 2. Don’t forward or retweet cruel content. 3. Liking a harmful post is equal to endorsing it. 4. Don’t engage in cyber-combat. Energizing hate gives it life or credence. Stop hate. Report it – flag it. Most of the time I’m interviewed I’m asked about the presidents tweets. His mocking tweets. Since we know we won’t change his behavior – I’m most concerned about the 100K of adults that condone & perpetuate this hate. Because most of them are pple that make up parents, grandparents, celebs, politicians, teachers etc. They have younger kids that look to them as role-models. If they approve of this behavior – then it gives this next generation the permission to do the same. Being a Disney movie producer doesn’t make you immune to making poor digital choices. The same person that created Beauty & the Beast puts teens (he disagrees with) thru a woodchipper on twitter. Remember – most people in that generation – may not even know the Fargo reference. Over 1000 people condoned this horrible behavior before he muted his Twitter account. 30% of 11 to 15-year-olds point to online stars (social media influencers) as their role-models. -Prince Trust Survey, 2018 © Sue Scheff

“What would you do if you saw someone being harassed online?” 2. Reach Out to Someone Struggling Online. Private message them. Send a text. Write an email. Call them, leave a message. Let them know they’re not alone. #NiceItForward Campaigns If you see your friend or someone being harassed – do whatever you can to let them know they are not alone. More #NiceItForward have been popping up over the past several years – not only by students but by caring adults. We are finally seeing bystanders move into the upstander lane. © Sue Scheff

What does your online reflection 3. Who is The Digital You? What does your online reflection say about you? 20-40-60 Challenge. You are what you post. Words & tone matter. Be interested others. Kindness is contagious – it starts with us! What message does your online reflection say about you? Read your feeds as if you were 20,40, 60 year olds – if you haven’t offended any of those age groups – you’re doing good. You are what you post. There’s a difference between clever vs cruel – esp online. Words and images translate differently to different people – think Disney Movie Producer. Words & tone matters. Re-examine your words – all caps is screaming – too many examination points can be rage. Are you always sharing about yourself & never engaging in others? Social media is a 2-way hwy. Be interested in others. Kindness is contagious. When was the last time you complimented someone? Congratulated them on a job promotion – new baby – wedding – birthday? 58% of teens say their parents have been the biggest influence on what they think is appropriate online behavior. -Pew Research, 2011 © Sue Scheff

Cyber-Mentor Wrap-Up Part 1. Online Behavior 1. Conduct, content, caring. 2. Rethinking how we share online. Part 2. Digital Resilience Prepare for the ugly-side. Report, flag and block abuse. Online is not always reality. Critical thinking. Helping teens unplug. Whether you are here for your teen or for your students – maybe you know young people that you mentor offline – that follow you online: Being a cyber-mentor is one way we can take this Shame Nation to a kinder one. 3-Ways – 1)Civility of improving our online behavior. 2)Developing digital resilience: Online hate & trolling may never completely go away, but armed with digital resilience & we are building stronger digital leaders. Educate teens to read become better reporters of online hate. Read TOS. 3)Stop the spreading of online hate. Reach out to people struggling & create #NiceItFoward Reflect on our own online behavior. Part 3. Being an Upstander Don’t perpetuate hate. Reach out to people struggling. Reflect on your own behavior. Helping teens choose kindness starts with us! © Sue Scheff

SHAME NATION: Helping Teens Choose Kindness In An Age of Trolling By Sue Scheff @SueScheff www.suescheff.com Sue.scheff@gmail.com http://suescheff.com/learning-brain-attendees/ Never forget – helping teens choose kindness in this age of trolling – starts with us. Thank you. © Sue Scheff