Move from Inadequate to Authentic! 4/11/2019 Move from Inadequate to Authentic! Bruce E. Roselle, PhD LP

4/11/2019 Feeling Inadequate For each of us growing up, part of our life is spent trying to be someone who is accepted and valued by others. Sometimes, we feel inadequate compared to our siblings or friends. Also, when things change in your adult role or responsibilities, the new circumstances can stir up your feelings of inadequacy.

Everything I know seems wrong! 4/11/2019 Everything I know seems wrong! How do these fraud feelings develop? Being confronted by new information, situations, and perspectives that radically differ from yours, can make it seem that everything you know is suddenly wrong or inadequate to solve the problems at hand. For many, this happens when they go off to college, take on a difficult challenge, or start a new job. One of the most important core issues for teams is problem solving. Recognizing the need for all points of view typically gives the most thorough solution. However, there are times when decisions need to be made quickly and you may not have time for the process.

4/11/2019 Feeling like a Fraud A lesser degree of these feelings will create dissonance--this is the essence of learning. However, a greater degree might have the effect of destabilizing you. When you become destabilized, you start to feel like a fraud, like you are not adequate.

Fraudulent Behaviors When you feel destabilized, you are likely to engage in fraudulent behaviors. These are things you do to cover your fear and confusion, and to try to be what you believe others want you to be. This is your false self, not your true self, as God made you to be.

How do you get in your own way? These components are common across all who suffer from the destabilization created by feeling like a fraud: Encountering a stressful situation Reacting rather than responding Building fraud behaviors to protect you Rationalizing the ROI on the behaviors

Fraudulent Reactions What can you do about these fraudulent reactions? 4/11/2019 Fraudulent Reactions What can you do about these fraudulent reactions? You must first recognize, and then let go of the fear-based behaviors and shift to an approach that helps you grow into the new circumstances, and that reflects your genuine, true self.

Believing the Big Fat Lie The next step is to realize that these behaviors come from the Big Fat Lie! This is simply the belief that you are not adequate in the situation or circumstances you currently face, or not acceptable in general. Most people suffer from some variation of this lie. Since God did not design you to be inadequate, this clearly is a lie!

Believing the Big Fat Lie What are some examples of this lie? “People don’t understand me, and there’s no one I can trust, except me.” “I must be someone totally different than who I am to be successful.” “Others will not accept me if I fully express myself to them.” “I must cover who I really am with a very different style, or I won’t be promoted.”

The Lie undermines success 4/11/2019 The Lie undermines success Believing the lie undermines your success; it’s based on fear. Sometimes, the lie is not very powerful; other times, it feels overwhelming, like a jagged mountain or a cavernous hole .

4/11/2019 Connect with your Core So, how can you move past feelings of inadequacy, grounded on the Big Fat Lie, that can make you feel like a fraud? CLUE: trying to change fundamentally who you are is never an effective way to handle a set of circumstances in your work.

4/11/2019 Connect with your Core Instead, the best strategy is almost always to figure out who you are at the core as a person, and then work/lead confidently from that genuine foundation. Your core is the essence of who you are as a person, your true self, not the person you have become over time in order to be who you think others want you to be. Your core is the authentic, genuine you! This is who God made you to be.

Who are you at the Core? Personality Ability Spirit Thinking 4/11/2019 Who are you at the Core? The most effective you will ever be occurs when you focus on what you do best and function from the core of who you are. Trying to be like someone else very different from you that you admire, or trying to minimize your key attributes because you think they are not acceptable, are recipes for poor work results. The Truth: You are a product of your PAST: Personality Ability Spirit Thinking

Personality includes aspects like: style and approach 4/11/2019 Who are you at the core? Personality includes aspects like: style and approach energy, drive, motivations self-discipline ‘signature traits’/characteristics emotions, feelings interpersonal orientation .

Ability includes aspects like: natural talents, gifts 4/11/2019 Who are you at the core? Ability includes aspects like: natural talents, gifts physical bandwidth cognitive intelligence emotional intelligence motivated abilities

Spirit includes aspects like: sense of life purpose 4/11/2019 Who are you at the core? Spirit includes aspects like: sense of life purpose meaning, what matters to you recognition of God’s higher power sense of joy, peace, acceptance source of greatest excitement, energy .

4/11/2019 Who are you at the core? Thinking includes facets such as these, based on your learning and experience: beliefs values opinions thoughts Of the four components, this is the one you can consciously develop to the greatest degree.

4/11/2019 Getting Real Again The process of getting real again involves recognizing and leveraging your unique personality traits and abilities, finding ways to feed your spirit, and analyzing your thought patterns to discern and apply those that are most effective. Change your thinking, and you will augment an important aspect of the core of who you are as a person and a leader. Complete action plan in workbook, discuss

www.roselleleadership.com bruce@roselleleadership.com Bruce E. Roselle BIO Bruce E. Roselle, PhD, brings a breadth of experience and a deep sense of purpose to the task of helping leaders. For more than 25 years, Bruce has served organizational needs in leadership development, executive coaching, and psychological assessment. A recognized expert in the field, Bruce is a frequent speaker at professional conferences and corporate events, and his views on leadership topics have appeared in newspapers, journals, magazines, radio and television. His last book, Fearless Leadership (2006), won awards for Best Business Book and Best Self-Help Book. His new book, The Fraud Factor, was published in May, 2016. www.roselleleadership.com bruce@roselleleadership.com