Gender and Infidelity

Depends on what you mean by “cheating?” Why do men cheat? Depends on what you mean by “cheating?”

In academic circles, “cheating” is referred to as infidelity. Sexual infidelity—sexual activity with someone other than one’s long term romantic partner Emotional infidelity—channeling emotional resources to someone other than one’s romantic partner From Guerrero, Andersen & Afifi (p. 341)

Most ordinary Americans define “cheating” in the following way: Sexual infidelity—oral, vaginal, anal sex with same or opposite sex person other than one’s romantic partner Emotional infidelity—secrecy, sexual attraction, and intimate talk with someone other than one’s romantic partner

Gender Differences in Perceptions of Infidelity Men and women react to sexual and emotional infidelity differently because they have different priorities related to survival needs. Men tend to be more worried about sexual infidelity because they are concerned with paternal certainty. Women tend to be more worried about emotional infidelity because they are more concerned with protecting survival resources. From Guerrero, Andersen & Afifi (pp. 345-346)

Differences in Perceptions of Infidelity Evolutionary model explains gender differences in why we care about being victims of infidelity. Which theory/model explains why we don’t care about being perpetrators of infidelity?

In other words … Which theory explains why men who engage in “cheating” behaviors (i.e., commit emotional or sexual infidelity) might NOT consider themselves as “cheaters?”

Which activities do you consider to be “cheating?”

“Cheating” Activities Sexual intercourse, kissing on the lips, and regular cybersex (most often chosen) Sharing intimate information online and holding hands Casually flirting (least often chosen)

Which reasons do you feel justify “cheating?”

Reasons for “Cheating” Nothing justifies “cheating” (most often chosen) Wanted more variety and you were drunk (distant second)

When thinking about your own behavior, how do you rate the following “cheating” behaviors on a scale of 1 to 10? Overall perceptions Female versus male perceptions Single versus committed but not living together relationship status perceptions

Overall Perceptions of “Cheating” Behaviors Repeated vaginal intercourse with different opposite sex strangers (rated highest for “cheating”) Regularly seek advice on routine matters (rated lowest for “cheating”)

Female Perceptions of “Cheating” Behaviors SEXUAL INFIDELITY Oral sex (9.98 – 10.0) Vaginal sex Same sex sex (9.91 – 9.74) EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY Secrecy (4.11 – 6.66) Sexual attraction (3.00 – 6.53) Intimate talk (2.77 – 4.03)

Male Perceptions of “Cheating” Behaviors SEXUAL INFIDELITY Oral sex (9.32 – 9.79) Vaginal sex (9.79 – 9.68) Same sex sex (9.63 – 9.84) EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY Secrecy (4.42 – 5.74) Sexual attraction (3.74 – 5.58) Intimate talk (2.89 – 3.53)

Male vs. Female Perceptions of “Cheating” Behaviors Men rated ALL sex (same sex and opposite sex) lower than women, and BUT all mean ratings were higher than 9.30.

Single Male Perceptions of “Cheating” Behaviors SEXUAL INFIDELITY Oral sex (8.86 – 9.14) Vaginal sex (10.0 – 10.0) Same sex sex (9.43 – 9.45) EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY Secrecy (2.43 – 5.57) Sexual attraction (1.57 – 4.86) Intimate talk (1.86 – 2.43)

Committed Male Perceptions of “Cheating” Behaviors SEXUAL INFIDELITY Oral sex (9.60 – 9.80) Vaginal sex (10.0 – 10.0) Same sex sex (8.00 – 8.60) EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY Secrecy (6.00 – 8.00) Sexual attraction (4.00 – 8.20) Intimate talk (2.60 – 5.60)

Male Perceptions of “Cheating” by Relationship Status Single men rated oral sex lower than men in committed but not living together relationships. Men in committed but not living together relationships rated same sex, any type of sex lower than single men. Means for sexual infidelity were higher than the means for emotional infidelity.

What does all of this mean? In general, men are more willing to commit sexual infidelity than women, and men are more inclined to be emotional “cheaters” than sexual “cheaters.” Which theory explains why?

Hence the ever popular, “I was drunk” and “it was only one time.” Attribution Theory When things turn out badly for others, we assume it’s their fault; but for our own failures, we tend to blame circumstances or other people. We see others as causal agents, but we give ourselves excuses. Hence the ever popular, “I was drunk” and “it was only one time.”

Of course, now we know why men lie!