HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT From adults, friends, yourself @AskDocG @AskDoctorG Deborah Gilboa, MD www.AskDrG.com

If you could wave a magic wand... What do you want for your future?

hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: Confidence Competence Relationships

WHY DO PARENTS SAY NO?

CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIES The Myth: “Getting involved will make us both feel better!” The Truth: Stepping back helps teens become adults.

THE COST “Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.”

TEEN BRAIN

BRAIN CONFLICT

YOUNG ADULT BRAIN Negative emotions are intense Positive emotions are just as intense Adrenaline is harder to find  Considering consequences requires intention Oxytocin receptors double Abstract reasoning sky rockets … needs sleep.

REMEMBER HER?

AND WHY DO YOU STEP BACK? Fear 11

FAILURE…

Assumption of someone else’s value or worth. RESPECT Eye contact Language Tone Assumption of someone else’s value or worth. 13

Recognizing your obligations and doing your best to meet them. RESPONSIBILITY Chores Homework Job Balance Recognizing your obligations and doing your best to meet them. 14

RESILIENCE Ride your emotions – ONCE Find possibilities. Reach out for resources. Consider which risk to take. Notice the consequences

FAILURE HAPPENS. THEN WHAT? How you feel matters. What you do matters more.

STEP UP, SO ADULTS CAN BELIEVE Respect RESILIENCE: Eye contact Word choice STEP UP, SO THEY CAN STEP BACK. Tone Responsibility Time management Resource finding Life skills

SUCCESS NOW IS NOT THE POINT You’re building: Confidence Competence Relationships

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