How to make your writing vivid

The Show, Don't Tell method of writing is to create a picture in the reader's mind. The writer gets away from the repetition of empty words like went, big, or said and instead uses rich descriptions which makes the reader feel as if s/he is part of the story. rich descriptions includes: five senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch strong action verbs, environment, dialogue, character's emotion

In wind and rain she started on her difficult way. Kate’s risky journey: In wind and rain she started on her difficult way. With great care she began the dangerous crossing, sometimes on her hands and knees, hardly daring to look down between the sleepers into the wild flood waters below. If she should slip, she would fall between the sleepers (卧铺列车) , into the rapidly flowing stream. environment action emotion environment action environment

The station-master went pale. Kate’s risky journey: Suddenly another thought went through Kate’s mind like an electric shock. “The bridge is down! Stop the train! Oh, please stop it!” Kate shouted breathlessly. The station-master went pale. action, emotion action, dialogue sight, emotion

Use rich descriptions to create a picture in the reader’s mind

Task 2 Replace the underlined word, then try to polish the whole sentence. Jeff found a car coming near. Jeff thought of his sister and father. Jeff fell, although he was hurt, he stood up and continued walking.

Replace the underlined word. Jeff found a car coming near. Task 2 Replace the underlined word. Jeff found a car coming near. spotted (陈思璇) （金奕好） caught sight of （吕彦儒）// heard The loud, deafening noise of a car caught his attention. to see or notice a person or thing, especially suddenly or when it is not easy to do so 看见；看出；注意到；发现

Task 2 2. Jeff thought of his sister and father. The dead silence stirred memories of his father and sister. (陈嘉俊) Father’s inspiring words flashed through/ flooded into his mind. (周昱如)(金奕好)(应梓芊)/ His father’s voice echoing in his mind, he moved on. (陈凯乐) (陈智慧) // He recalled his sister’s groan (哀嚎) . (柳柏希)

Task 2 3. Jeff fell, although he was hurt, he stood up and continued walking. stumbled over/ on a stone(陈思璇) tripped over/on a stone (郑伊茹) Compare: Jeff didn’t see a stone and he fell. slipped on a wet road （吕彦儒） √ √ √

Love of Life (By Jack London) Two men walked slowly, one after the other, through the shallow water of a stream. Suddenly the man who followed fell over a stone. He hurt his foot badly and… He struggled to his feet and limped on. (瘸着走) He put it back into his pack, rose to his feet and staggered on. (蹒跚) As he dragged himself along, the sack became heavier and heavier. 关于“走”：walk cautiously/steadily, walk right up to sb., wander aimlessly along, limp toward, drag one’s heavy feet to sp., stagger into, creep out of (爬行), slip out of, stumble into, pace back and forth(踱步), keep pace with sb. , follow sb. closely to sp., dash into, storm into, rush into, disappear into

Task 2 3. Jeff fell, although he was hurt, he stood up and continued walking. stumbled over/ on a stone(陈思璇) tripped over/on a stone (郑伊茹) Compare: Jeff didn’t see a stone and he fell. slipped on a wet road （吕彦儒） dragged on (柳柏希)（王泽宇） √ √ √

Love of Life (By Jack London) Two men walked slowly, one after the other, through the shallow water of a stream. Suddenly the man who followed fell over a stone. He hurt his foot badly and… He struggled to his feet and limped on. (瘸着走) He put it back into his pack, rose to his feet and staggered on. (蹒跚) As he dragged himself along, the sack became heavier and heavier. 关于“走”：walk cautiously/steadily, walk right up to sb., wander aimlessly along, limp toward, drag one’s heavy feet to sp., stagger into, creep out of (爬行), slip out of, stumble into, pace back and forth(踱步), keep pace with sb. , follow sb. closely to sp., dash into, storm into, rush into, disappear into

Use specific words to replace general words. (like see, think, walk…)

Let’s polish the student’s writing! Refer to students’ good writing examples and what we have learned today, Let’s polish the student’s writing!