Camp Changes Lives Deborah Giboa, MD

hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: Confidence Competence Relationships hap·pi· ness: noun

“Happiness Now” Pressure Unattainable Conflicts with resilience Removes opportunity for resilience “practice” Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok Limits the resources we offer We’re terrible at predicting it for others

Comfort vs Discomfort Comfort Security Healing Identity Discomfort Learning Change GROWTH

WHY RESPECT? Turns an obligation into an achievement Transforms interaction into relationship Gives an individual the certainty of belonging

RESPECT WHAT IS IT? Recognizing worth or excellence Showing regard or consideration Impossible to give if you don’t have any Crucial for success.

RESPECT REQUIRES COMMUNICATION Tone of voice. Titles of respect. Eye contact Body Language Privacy Look up and around

RESPONSIBILITY Chores/roles Homework Practice Leadership Service One work ethic; 2 sentences

WHY DO ADULTS SAY NO? Love. Guilt. Fear.

CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIES Myth vs Truth

SOURCE: Journal of Child and Family Studies, Feb 2013

THE COST “Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.”

HOW DOES FAILURE HELP? independence → confidence Leads to competence Builds relationship Teaches resilience. 13

RESILIENCE CHALLENGES Mistakes Accidents Pain Social consequences Judgment 11:00 News…

WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? Doing = learning. Doing builds resilience! Life skills Relationship skills Problem-solving! Look for chances to take one step back.

RESILIENCE “I’ll be interested to see what you do!” Mistakes Praise Life lessons Choices Risk-taking Resources! “I’ll be interested to see what you do!”

WHAT ADULTS NEED TO REMEMBER Adult involvement supports Safety Growth Learning Adult involvement harms Confidence Competence Relationships

When not if Set expectations Remove the premise of failure as disappointment Model the cycle

When-not-if Language Set Remove Model Set expectations Model the cycle Remove Remove the premise of failure Set Set expectations When-not-if Language

Resilience requires trust. FINDING RESILIENCE Resilience requires trust.

Empathy without intervention.

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