Managing Relationships with Challenging Adults in the School Community IPPN National Conference January 29th & 30th 2009 Joe O’Connell

In any given day…… Tactful/Diplomatic Need to remain objective Power of Invisibility Humorous Empathetic Encourager Ability to relax people Intuitive Open body language Keeping one’s opinion to oneself Patient Clarifier Non threatening Catalyst Giver of direction Motivator Interpreter Interventionist Responder Brief when required Open-minded Ability to remain silent Good listener Thinker on one’s feet Ability to see opportunities Observer Summarising Good questioner Coordinator Challenger Reflective Clear Communicator Understanding of group dynamics

If a relationship fractures then conflict abounds Conflict arises because the lens through which we view life leads us to believe that: Others have, or intend to, frustrate or ignore our interests or concerns….. a feeling Proportionality between rational and emotive thoughts and actions Think outside of your own emotive domain

Communication is central “Communication is the essential tool of human technology” Lewis, L.P. (1994) Curing Conflict

Guiding Principles Understand and appreciate roles and responsibilities and consider context Adopt a Professional Approach at all times Language Depersonalise situations Be an active listener Don’t carry agendas The difference between being assertive as opposed to being aggressive

Keep in mind that no issue remains a single issue! There are levels of analysis: Within Individuals Between Individuals The group as a whole Temporal effect of a strong character

The variety of relationships!

Managing Challenging Relationships REACTION

Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour Your Style……Social Skills Two heads are better than one…………Collaborating Kill your enemies with kindness…..Accommodating Split the difference….. Compromising Leave well enough alone …. Avoiding Might makes right…… Competing

Personal Reaction to Challenging Behaviour Each of us is capable of using all five conflict handling modes, however, any given individual uses some modes better than others whether because of temperament or practice.

The power of the tongue! The Power of words, the appropriateness of language The kind word The gentle word The angry word The harsh word The careless/unconsidered word

Respect is essential Non judgemental “No one so thoroughly appreciates the value of constructive criticism….. …..as the one who’s giving it” Hal Chadwick

Dealing with Challenging Relationships Principal/Parent Principal/Teacher Principal/Managem ent Kindred Code between Management and Teacher

Principal/Parent Parent is naturally apprehensive Parent is generally defensive Parent has rehearsed Parent has listened to their son/daughter Parent has baggage Acknowledge effort to be present Listen /Notetaking Demonstrate mutual interest, support and concern. Show hope, list some positive Get them to outline what they will, can do Don’t set unreasonable demands Revisit Agreement

Kindred Code: Principal/Staff Any disagreement between Senior Management and Staff will permeate throughout. United front at all times Professional approach at all times No confrontation/ disagreement in view of pupils Solidarity about decisions taken Positive body language sets the tone for the school Review Working Together Document Agreement in advance re scenarios

Principal/ Management Management is a collective corporate process Issues of conflict must be resolved Confidentiality is essential Procedures need to be adhered to at all times Documentation is essential Effective communication Informed decision making

Key Messages Distinguish between crisis and controversy Know yourself, your approaches, your style Appreciate roles and different types of people, invest in knowing your people Take the helicopter view Show a route to resolution, don’t become a quick fixer Adhere to any agreed procedures

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