Dating- Orthodox Perspectives OCCM Fr. Daniel Ebrahim

Unedited – please use only as a reference

What is dating? What Comes to Mind?

Fundamental Orthodox Understanding Christ is everything !!!

A wise Orthodox woman (article) We put everything in the context of Christ. One time a married woman said that, when she was dating, she was looking for someone who loved Christ more than her. She said she found someone and now is very happily married. Your job is to become a person whom someone else can find, someone who loves Christ more than the potential mate. Of course, that’s hard. But, aren’t good things usually hard to go after and find?

A guy talked to me recently about a girl if he can start talking to her ….. “become worthy”

So, What is Dating? Middle School definition HS definition True definition

So, why do we date? We date because Christ made us that way To grow-up into Him, to have the peace and the joy and the happiness that we all want = Slv We date because we want to find someone to love, cherish and give our soul and body to M - - - - - - - E (Marriage) We date because we want to find someone who wants the same thing  Quality We date because we are looking for love, exclusiveness, and commitment M-------E

We date because … It is a God-given adventure, an exhilarating and sometimes terrifying risk into the unknown. We are made that way, to be vulnerable and stretched.

The Purpose of Dating – Summary To look ahead to marriage, in a very MATURE SELFLESS RELATIONSHIP To find a person who will love our children and us in a Christ-like manner. Hand in hand we work out our salvation in fear and trembling

It is a pure relationship ….

Guidelines for Choosing Good Friends Apply: good examples to us and others  Have good morals (1 Cor. 15:33)  Are modest (1 Tim. 2:9)  Abstain from drinking alcohol (1 Pet. 4:3)  Can bridle their tongues (Jas. 1:26)  Are honest (Luke 8:15)  Are law-abiding (Rom. 13:1-7)

Guidelines do not include*** Pretty Cute funny ….. soulmate  ?? “outcome is …” (51% divorce rate) *** these are extras … good to have but should not be the foundation

Other important traits Love Sacrificially Accept unconditionally Trust Completely Keep healthy boundaries Mutual Edification

There are 5 principles to establishing and maintaining a Godly friendship w/boy/grl 1. Develop a serious spiritual life and regular prayer life – Having a strong relationship with God keeps us in balance and helps us to make wise and proper decisions. A close relationship with Jesus Christ helps curb our emotions and lessens our needs for others.

2. Define clear boundaries between you and the other person – Boundaries are very important when it comes to friendships. Always make sure to maintain proper boundaries between you and the other person. This includes minimizing one on one communication in all forms, including phones, text, or face to face and one on one meetings.

3. Never trust your ability for self-control Many people say, “I can control my emotions. I can end things at any time.” This is the biggest deception the devil has to offer is that he makes you think you are in charge, you can control any situation at hand.

4. View the other person as a brother or sister Learn how to love others as brothers and sisters by viewing the other person in the image of God Early Christianity

5. Keep busy serving and glorifying God One of the best ways to fight off temptation is to keep your mind focused on important things. Stay busy! Never allow time for boredom or stagnation because this is when the devil takes charge. Stay busy with school, sports, church service, reading the Bible, reading spiritual books, prayer, church activities, etc… Never let your mind wander.

5 deceptions The deception that I am in control The deception that he/she needs me The deception of good intentions The deception that everyone is doing it The deception of I am only human and I have needs

When is a good time? (for Mature orthodox dating discussed ) Later college years/ grad or afterwards degree /school is a priority Becoming successful matters (even to dating) Distractions can affect your potential career path

If he/she really cares about you… If he/she really cares about you…. Then, they want you to be successful and achieve your academic /professional goals …

Questions….