Chapter 6: Talk & Interpersonal Relationships Lecture by: Chris Ross

What is the Best Way…. Relationships and What You Know Everyday communication reinforces what both relationships and what you know Communication involves information; so the ones you know and spend time with affect your knowledge Relationships exert influence on what information you put out to others Relationships affect your beliefs, thoughts, opinions, etc

What is the Best Way…. Building & Supporting Relationships Weiss identified six provisions of relationships Belonging & Sense of Reliable Alliance Emotional Integration & Stability Opportunity to Talk About Yourself Opportunity to Help Others Provision of Physical Support Reassurance of Worth & Value

What is the Best Way…. Building & a Sense of Reliable Alliance You feel that someone is ‘there’ for you. This can be made from daily interactions with someone with same interests, or cares about your, asks how you are doing and is someone who will help you when you need it. You know this person is reliable and cares for you.

What is the Best Way…. Emotional Integration & Stability The ones who provide you with emotional support/a shoulder to cry on. Give you reality checks Let you know if you are doing the right thing Offer advice

What is the Best Way…. Opportunity to Talk About Yourself Gives you more opportunity to derive the provisions of others in interactions Opinions and views are shared A sense of being known Allows for self-disclosure to happen and the maintenance and growth of a relationship.

What is the Best Way…. Opportunity to Help Others People like the feeling of being helpful Give and take in communitcation

What is the Best Way…. Provision of Physical Support They help you move Pick you up from the airport Pet sit for you

What is the Best Way…. Reassurance of Worth & Value They make time for you Support you Give tough love

What is the Best Way…. Composing Relationships Through Talk Relationships are viewed differently in every culture Some, like American culture see a distinction between formal and informal relationships even naming them.

What is the Best Way…. Types of Relationships Recognized in Talk American culture again, differentiates between a date, affair or spouse for examples. Look how you sign an e-mail or letter. Love to some, later! to another, yours to another person.

What is the Best Way…. Types of Relationships Recognized in Talk Western scholars believe there are differences between social and personal relationships Social Relationships => involve essentially interchangeable people. They do not have to be truly personal. Personal Relationships => Specified and irreplaceable people (parents, best friend, partner, sibling, etc).

What is the Best Way…. Keeping Relationships Going in Talk Small talk can keep the relationship going, even when not face-to-face because there is an acknowledgement it still is in existence. Relational Continuity Constructional Units (RCCUs). Again, you can have distance but still maintain the relationship and value it. Broken down into three units Prospective Introspective Retrospective

What is the Best Way…. Prospective Units => provide recognition that an interaction is about to end but the relationship continues Preparing for some time apart, but knowing we will see again We can do this with nonverbals. Leaving a personal item at a friend or partner’s home.

What is the Best Way…. Introspective Units => direct indications of relationship’s existence during physical absence of one partner. You are acknowledging that the absence is or has occurred Phone calls to each other, pictures of loved ones on your work desk, wedding rings

What is the Best Way…. Retrospective Units => directly recognize the end of an absence and the reestablishment of the relationship through actual interaction Hugs, handshakes, kiss, catch-up conversations, etc Small talk can reinforce the relationship and connect you with others

What is the Best Way…. Talk and Relational Change Relationships will change over time. Degrees of intimacy change When you grow closer the talk gets relaxed and informal. As you grow apart the talk gets more sharp and less welcoming.

What is the Best Way…. Moving Between Types of Relationships Crossing boundaries: moving from one set of permitted behaviors and another. What do you do with friends? What do you do with romantic partners? What do you do with enemies?

What is the Best Way…. Moving Between Types of Relationships As time has changed, many personal parts of relationship change go on in public and not in private Social networking posts Cell phone use in public

What is the Best Way…. Moving Between Types of Relationships How do we now signal we want to change a relationship? Talk? Social media? Phones?

What is the Best Way…. Direct & Indirect Talk to Change Relationships When you hear ‘let’s talk about our relationship,’ does it startle you? Direct some times can be too much for some people Indirect ways sometimes are more effective because they are less threatening.

What is the Best Way…. Direct & Indirect Talk to Change Relationships Flirtation is a complicated way to indirectly express interest, but is easily deniable. You were just ‘teasing’ or something along those lines.

Stages In Relationship Development Weak Ties Relationships with those that are loose and distant.

Relationship Filtering Model Relationship Filtering Model => suggests that people pay attention to different cues in sequence as they get to know someone. You evaluate evidence available to form an impression of someone. The sequence in which you pay attention to characteristics is usually done by the way you encounter them.

Relationship Filtering Model Physical Appearance Behavior/Nonverbal Communication Roles Attitudes/Personality After each level you will filter out those you do not want as partners. Only ones that pass through all stages become a friend or partner You slowly let people get to know you better and bring them closer to you.

Relationship Filtering Model Basic Facts About Others When you meet someone you basically only have to start a conversation on safe issues and what they look like. You start to evaluate and make assumptions about what they look or what they are doing.

Relationship Filtering Model Information & Inference There is always the act of interpretation the information that is more important than the acts themselves.

Relationship Filtering Model Similarity Begins Near Home Proximity helps with finding people similar to you. Look at who you sit next to in classes. Do you feel like you have more of a connection with them then the other student across the room?

Relationship Filtering Model The Assumption of Similarity & Difference Sometimes we just filter out those who seem too different from us or not in support of our ways of seeing the world Sometimes we continue to push people through the filters and choose to continue to get to know more

Relationship Filtering Model The overall purpose of the filtering model is to understand other’s thinking and communication actions in communicating. The more you understand someone, the more they seem to support you, so you want to hang out more, and then eventually you give labels of friend or partner.

Coming Apart Sometimes relationships- be it friendly or romantic just don’t work out.

Coming Apart Models of Breakup Duck proposes five stages in the break up of a relationship. Intrapsychic Process Dyadic Process Social Process Grave Dressing Process Resurrection Process

Coming Apart Intrapsychic process => an individual simply reflects on the strengths and weaknesses of a relationship. Why should I stay in it? Why should I leave?

Coming Apart Dyadic Process => involves confronting the partner and openly discussing a problem with the relationship. This can lead to further confrontation or a chance to understand/forgive each other

Coming Apart Social Process => someone tells others about their relationship issues and looks for help to fix the issues or they seek support for why the relationship eneded.

Coming Apart Grave Dressing Process => creaking the story of why a relationship died and erecting a metaphorical tombstone that gives its main points from birth to death

Coming Apart Resurrection Process (added in 2006) => which deals with the ways someone prepares for new relationships after ending a new one. See page 151 for more details about this model.

So Are There Stages…. Sometimes yes, but life is not always this easy. Although sometimes the frame work helps us to see where we fell apart or where we currently fix.

Chapter Assignments Discussions How does your talk compose your relationships during every day communication? What are the different types of communication that take place when a relationship us coming about? Do relationships develop and break down in a linear fashion?

Chapter Assignments Buddy/Group Work What turning points are there in relationship growth or decline that you and your friends believe you can identify through talk? Write the story of your most recent breakup (friendship or romantic). Does it follow a neat progression? Have a friend read it and ask you questions about particular details. Does this questioning make you want to revise your narrative in some ways?

Chapter Assignments Written Work What is unethical about having two romantic relationships at the same time? Do you think that someone who is ending a relationship with someone else has an ethical duty to explain to the other person why? Review a movie where a romance develops between two main characters. Does it either develop or dissolve according to the proposal made in this chapter, and if not, how?