October 9th Pass out Research Project #2 Collect Exams and Discuss Lecture 5: Gendered Intimacies & Gendered Sexuality Homework: Nothing – catch up on readings

Quick Writing: Take ten minutes to answer the following questions: How do you determine if someone is your friend? What are the norms in our society regarding dating? Who are we supposed to date? How is it decided and by whom? How do we look for a partner and where do we look? How are we supposed to act? How is the status of relationship determined? How do others know the status of the relationship?

Gender Intimacies: Love, Relationships, and Sexuality Lecture 5 Gender Intimacies: Love, Relationships, and Sexuality Look at NYT article…

Gendered Friendships? Men’s Friendships Women’s Friendships: Built around shared interests and activities Men have fewer friends, weaker ties “Segmented” relationships Women’s Friendships: Emotional support, intimacy Have more friends, stronger ties “Holistic” relationships Read page 261 We are socialized into gendered norms around relationship building, love and friendships

Love & Courtship Idea of love is socially & culturally bound We have a highly developed concept of love in American society Social scientists view love as multi-dimensional concept experienced by individuals in relationships, but shaped by culturally specific construction How would you define love? How do we link it to partner selection… “Romantic Love” Our concept of love changed with modernization and the concept of courtly love emerged, and this was the beginning of our concept of romantic love. Feel for anyone regardless of class or others social boundaries Powerful force that transforms us An exclusive relationship – monogamy Source of intense emotional feelings - jealousy Emerged in Victorian era Idea that emotional attachments were becoming more important in relationships that are encompassed in the family Mother and daughter Husband and wife Siblings… Feminized during 20th Century Love has increasingly become an emotional concept attached to women Women are seen as being more responsible for creating and maintaining love in relationships However, we are moving towards more equal concepts of marriage in modern societies Love in relationships Love is something we think of as critical to partnering relationships In our culture we think of love as the predecessor to long term and lasting relationships We also think of love as based a a dyad relationship Men and women are thought to have different roles and responsibilities related to “love” in relationships What does our culture say are the roles of men and women in relationships? “Passionate Love” High levels of emotional intensity “Companionate Love” Secure and trusting relationships ** Relate back to the gendered sexualities and the idea that women are more interested in sex as a means to building relationships and men are interested in sex for pleasure. Idea of love is socially & culturally bound How would you define love? How do you know if you are in love? “Romantic Love” Emerged in Victorian era and focused on emotional attachment Feminized during 20th Century

The Gender of Love Men and women are thought to have different roles and responsibilities related to “love” in relationships How do you know when someone loves you? What does our culture say are the roles of men and women in relationships?

The Dating & Love Script Social script: set of procedural norms and expectations All societies have a set of procedures (rules) that people follow in starting relationships The Dating Script: What does dating look like today?

Who are we supposed to date? How is it decided and by whom? How do we look for a partner and where do we look? How are we supposed to act? How is the status of relationship determined? How do others know the status of the relationship?

Gendering “Love” Masculine Love - ‘providing’ Feminine Love - ‘caring’ Spending time together, shared activities, sex, and help Suppress emotions Feminine Love - ‘caring’ Nurturing, emphasis on talking and feelings Reveal emotions Documented that people view women’s style of love as “better”

Gendered Sexuality Sexual ideology supports the idea that men and women have naturally different: sexual desires – sexual urges and sexual pleasure. sexual roles – in the private and public realm and sexual practices – appropriate sexuality Femininity and sexuality passive, emotional/irrational, monogamous, vaginal, penetrated Masculinity and sexuality aggressive/assertive, unemotional/rational, multiple partners, penal, penetrate

What are the roles that are expected of men in relationships? Women? I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.  ~Jay McInerney Do you think sex means different things to men and women in relationship? Why? What are the roles that are expected of men in relationships? Women? DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Constructing Heterosexuality Historical, political, and cultural factors have shaped the way we understand sexuality Idea of sexual identity emerged in late 1800’s Modernization and Industrialization affected ideas of sexuality Heteronormativity: culture where heterosexuality is accepted as the “normal” mode of sexual expression Gender and sexuality are linked through the nuclear family ideal

Gender and Learning Sexuality Men and women are socialized to think differently about sexuality and relationships Men and women experience different paths to sexual orientation How are gays and lesbians affected by the sexual ideology? Gay men associate sexual identity with erotic experiences Lesbians associate identity with relationships

Developing our Gendered Sexuality According to Freud, Children’s sexual pleasure derives from the same erotoenic zone – penis or penis equivalent (clitoris) “With the change to femininity the clitoris should wholly hand over its sensitivity, and at the same time importance, to the vagina…[however] the man has only to continue the activity that he previously carried out”

“Female Hysteria” 25% of women were diagnosed with hysteria Over 75 possible symptoms Nervousness, insomnia, or a "tendency to cause trouble" Women went to the doctor for “pelvic stimulation” until the home vibrator emerged 1902 electric vibrator was for sale in home catalogs like Sears

“Vibration promotes life and vigor, strength and beauty “

Slut-bashing: Good Girl Vs.Bad Girl

Language and Sexual Politics Sexual Politics: the exercise of power through sexuality How does language control our behavior? “Slut” and “Fag” Structures adolescent sexuality Sexual Double-Standard Slut – Stud Dichotomy