Managing severe emotions and behaviours Webinar with Simon Furlong Tuesday 13 March 1pm

Aggression (Inc. hitting & biting) Schooling Intense Sibling Rivalry Lying / Stealing Managing severe emotions & behaviours What might this look like for you? Difficulty coping with Family celebrations & holidays Child refusing to settle at bed time Eating difficulties Coping with change Training

Lack of secure foundations Food / Milk Play Fun Safety Home Stability Cuddles Warmth Safe from abuse Boundaries Stimula tion Routine Attunement Eye contact Speech Friends Trust Learning Training

What happens when the building blocks are not in place? Attachment difficulties Brain Development What happens when the building blocks are not in place? Impact on learning Challenging behaviours Training

emotions & behaviours are the child’s first language I am scared & I need you Scared & frightened toddler Training

What does the world look like through the lenses of my child? Training

The importance of looking after yourself How are you filled / revived? Training

Models for Responding to Children’s Behaviour: Non-Violent Resistance Great Behavioural Breakdown PACE Life Story Theraplay Training

De-Escalation & Distraction “YOU CAN MAKE THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE WHEN YOU LEARN HOW TO BE RESPONSIVE RATHER THAN REACTIONARY TO YOUR ADOPTED CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR” De-Escalation & Distraction Training

LOVE & Fear All behaviour arises from a state of stress! Between the behaviour and stress is a primary emotion Two primary emotions: LOVE & Fear We have a choice as to how to respond Story of Ghandi’s grandson Training

I not You! “I can see you are feeling sad” I am ok You OK “It hurts me when you lie as it feels like you do not trust me” I am ok You OK Training

I GUESS YOU MUST BE FEELING A BIT WORRIED TO? I love you. You and me OK? Everything is going to be OK Training

Being Playful / Relationship gesture Nurture Engagement Theraplay Structure Challenge Training

Give the child a narrative by what we are thinking about them: Discuss the behaviour PACE: Curiosity NVR: Pronouncement GBB: Shine a Light! Life Story Give the child a narrative by what we are thinking about them: “I notice that you always prefer your room to be ---I wonder if it reminds you of your birth family.” How Scary? Training

“Strike when the iron is cold” Training

• What has life been like for my child / what is it like for them now? Summary • What has life been like for my child / what is it like for them now? • Look after yourself • Focus on the relationship with your child Discuss the behaviours Training

Questions and Answers www.pactadoptionsupport.org