Constructive Communication Dealing with conflict Sandy Anderson Libby Mahaffy November 7, 2011

Goals At the end of this session, you will have: Seen everyday use of negotiation skills Been exposed to a negotiation framework Observed asking, listening and reflecting Practiced a new approach Received a list of helpful resources

We communicate all the time Sometimes it doesn’t work as we expect The consequences can be significant Miscommunication can lead to conflict

We negotiate every day It’s not just for diplomats or lawyers We all do it frequently and without conflict… most of the time We all have emotions, bias and history that we bring to a negotiation Every conflict has within itself the seeds of resolution

Negotiating successfully Copywrite 2011, Anderson & Mahaffy

Mediation – assisted negotiation Sometimes we need outside help Neutral 3rd party who facilitates negotiation Useful in working through organizational, public and private negotiations and conflicts

Role play Notice how you feel watching this Capture your observations How do we figure out how to do this differently?

A framework for negotiation Positions What someone says they want, their “demand” Interests What is really important to a party, the deeper “need” Options The possible ways the parties could have their needs met Solutions The agreement negotiated between parties, that meets their needs and allows them to move forward

The “sweet spot” From positions to interests Strategies mediators use Asking open-ended questions Listening Clarifying Focus on moving forward, not on the past Take time – slow down

Nonviolent Communication Seeks to understand motivations and remove judgment Encourages empathy for yourself and others Observations Taking in the situation – what someone sees, hears, remembers, imagines Feelings The feelings that emerge from the observations Needs The needs connected to this feeling – universal, personal Requests Strategy to meet your own or others’ needs – a specific request of yourself or another – action to take Source: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

Role play Another possible outcome

Resources Contact Info Sandy Anderson 617.686.1682 sandy@sandy-anderson.com sandy-anderson.com Libby Mahaffy 231.350.3732 Libby.Mahaffy@gmail.com Books Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most – Stone, Patton & Heen (1999) Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In -- Fisher, Ury & Patton (1991) Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life – Marshall B. Rosenberg (2003) The Power of Nice – Shapiro, Jankowski & Dale (2001) Training Contact Sandy or Libby Mediation Works, Inc – www.mwi.org (reference this presentation) NVC Boston – www.nvcboston.org

Q&A