SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD NO SUCH THING AS A BULLY SHRED THE LABEL,SAVE A CHILD Kelly Karius & Dr. Ron Graham Elementary School Presentation

The Problem We need to think about friendship right. Every person has different parts to them. If you think someone is ALL mean, it can make them ACT ALL mean. They just give up trying to be kind. YOU need to be kind as much as you can, and expect others to be kind to YOU! Changing the language changes the perspective. If a problem is defined incorrectly we will be forever creating solutions that are ineffective. Currently we are creating a culture of labeling, bullies and victims. This method absolves the bystander of responsibility and it encourages children to develop personalities around the labels they are given. There is no difference in the skills needed by all children/students. All people need to develop the same skill set of communication skills, thinking skills and problem solving skills in order to bring out positive behaviors. The problem: We are living in a culture that engages in negativity and power struggles. We haven’t had the opportunity to learn strong balanced thinking, confidence, and communication skills that keep us from using bully actions and victim responses.

Left someone out on purpose? A Solution Don’t call someone a bully. DO tell someone that they have hurt you when it happens! Have you ever: Kicked someone? Hit someone? Called someone a name? Left someone out on purpose? If you have, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means that you have to pay attention to yourself and stop doing that. When I do a presentation, I ask the group “Who in here is a bully?” Usually no one answers. And then I ask the other questions that are listed, or add more, until everyone has raised their hands. This is used to show that ALL of us use a bully action sometimes. – all of us also use a victim response sometimes. Everyone needs to look at their own actions, and stand up for others, in order to solve this problem.

But I want to hit him! Solutions! 1. Learn about the “fight, flight or flee” response. 2. Take deep breaths. 3. Practice ways of acting kindly ahead of time. Awareness of our own actions will allow us not to use bully actions and victim responses…we can break patterns of behavior that have been created. Being a strong bystander takes practice, and I suggest role playing with friends so that we are ready. Even adults, confronted by aggressive behavior, don’t know what to do. Picture an adult seeing domestic violence on a street…how many stop, how many do something? Not many, because we don’t have the practice or the confidence. This dateline program shows really well how we can get carried away AND how bystander behavior affects bully actions. http://insidedateline.nbcnews.com/_news/2011/02/28/6155462-march-6-2011-my-kid-would-never-bully?lite

Fight, Flight and Freeze When you feel scared your body floods with ADRENALINE! A lot of your blood goes to your arms and your legs so you can run, or fight…and some people just feel frozen! We don’t have a lot of blood in our brain, so we don’t think straight, and sometimes do things we are sorry for later. Notice what happens when you feel scared or threatened. Have other students give ideas about what happens to them when they have this resposne. Help students write the brainstorming answers down.

Breathe It Back In! Deep breaths can make the blood settle evenly through your body. Your heart rate can go back to normal, and you can ACT instead of REACTING! Engage the group in an exercise where everyone breathes in through their nose and out through their mouth slowly, five times. Demonstrate a breathe or two before starting. Let the students know that doing this a few times a day is a long term plan for managing the fight or flight response.

Role Plays

What We Can Do Each of you can: Stop your own bully actions, Stop your own victim responses Stand up for other people with what you practice in role plays Be aware of the feelings of your friends and important adults Know that you have an effect on other people. Brainstorm what bully actions are. Brainstorm victim responses: Hints: telling yourself “I can’t”, “I’m not as good as _____”, Crying a lot instead of talking about how your are feeling. Saying “that won’t work” when someone suggest a solution

Using Bully Actions You are bullying if you 1. want to hurt someone. 2. do something that hurts them. 3. are stronger than them in some way. 4. hurt them more than once. 5. use your extra power to hurt them. 6. enjoy hurting people. 7. cause them to feel sad and helpless.

Receiving Bully Actions You are experiencing bullying if: 1. someone wants to hurt you. 2. someone does something that hurts you. 3. the person is stronger than you in some way. 4. the person hurts you more than once. 5. the person uses her extra power to hurt you. 6. the person enjoys hurting you 7. you feel sad and helpless.

24 Hour Stake Out October 19 & 20, 2013 http://facebook.com/bully.stakeout Songs, stories, resources

Websites nosuchthingasabully.com Bullyoutreachproject.com Facebook.com/bully.stakeout Facebook.com/nosuchthingasabully