Session 3-1 March 22-23, 2002

Joy Luck Club: The Mothers Suyuan: June Suyuan: June Lindo 15 year old bride: Waverly Lindo 15 year old bride: Waverly Ying Ying: who drowned her own son, depressed: Daughter Lena has no spirit Ying Ying: who drowned her own son, depressed: Daughter Lena has no spirit An Meis mom was raped and killed herself with opium dumplings: Rose An Meis mom was raped and killed herself with opium dumplings: Rose

Joy Luck Club: The Daughters June (main character): Failed at Piano June (main character): Failed at Piano Waverly (Chess player): Smile naturally now mom! I always do Waverly! Waverly (Chess player): Smile naturally now mom! I always do Waverly! Lena: Has no spirit for I have none to give her. Married a miser Harold, everything is fifty fifty. Love yes, false dependency no Lena: Has no spirit for I have none to give her. Married a miser Harold, everything is fifty fifty. Love yes, false dependency no Rose: Divorced husband of rich family, winery and publishing house. Mrs. Jordan Rose: Divorced husband of rich family, winery and publishing house. Mrs. Jordan

Order 3: Older brother and younger brother Brothers (older and younger) are like hands and feet (they are irreplaceable, blood is thicker than water) Older-brother in command during fathers absence Facilitates family operations: Internally-externally Authoritarianism: Do as the brother says, obey –R–R–R–Reinforces dependency: Must please brother –E–E–E–Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility

Order 4: Husband and Wife Relationships between husband and wife is similar to clothing (change them at will) Womens identity begins after marriage : Authoritarianism: Do as the husband says, obey Reinforces dependency: Husband-pleasing Externalized locus of control: Reduced personal responsibility Faithfulness in marriage: Wife must be chaste

Dependent Identity of Women Dependency vs. Independency Tasks Seasons of Dependency Developmental Dependency of Women Three stages of Identity formation Three stages of Identity formation Depends on father when young Depends on father when young Depends on husband when married Depends on husband when married Depends on son when old Depends on son when old

Husband and Wife Relationships Women suffer and sacrifice silently She becomes a martyr-sacrificial lamb of the dysfunctional family & inflicts the same pain upon her daughter and in-laws She copes by Denial and Resignation: fate Poor husband-Wife relationship is the norm Extra-marital affairs, Informal Mistresses, Concubines, Polygamy

Common Marital Disorders Angry Husband - Depressed-Hurt Wife Angry Wife - Withdrawn Husband Avoidance of Emotional Involvements –F–F–F–Focus on the Concrete, Practical issues –O–O–O–Over-Rationalization, Over-Intellectualization –J–J–J–Judgment Passing: Reason, Right or Wrong Rigid Structure, Non-Cohesive: Stress prone

Seven Facets of Chinese Face Work After Bond and Hwang Six types of face work © Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D LevelDescriptionManifestation Chinese pinyin 1 Enhancing your own face Etiquette consciousness yao mianzi 2 Enhancing others face Reciprocity gei mianzi 3 Losing your own face Shame, humiliation diu mianzi 4 Hurting others face Retaliation for shame felt shang mianzi 5 Saving your own face Avoid shame, be proper baocun mianzi 6 Saving others face No criticism, give apology mian mian ju yuan 7 Tearing your own face Relationship destroyed mou mian

Origin of shame The lack of a personal identity: Who am I? External vs. Internal shame mechanisms –P–P–P–Parents against their children: Name calling –C–C–C–Childrens cruelty against their peers: Name calling –P–P–P–Personal handicaps: Imperfections –C–C–C–Compares & Contrasts: Athletes, models & stars –P–P–P–Physical features: Aging, race, skin color –N–N–N–Need for acceptance & measuring-up

Shame & Blame Projection is a defense against shame: anxiety Blame Blame is externalizing of an internal conflict The The person does not take ownership for shame –It –It is easier that shame is on you & not on me –I –I will be a no body when I am not perfect am not worthy, to be rejected when I am wrong –This –This is a homeostatic approach to balance anxiety There There is little introspection: No learning-maturity Self-Defeating, Self-Defeating, tragic outcomes: Hiding Secrets

Basic Human Conditions & Chinese Cultural Perspectives (Adapted from Rev. Daniel Ng, Chinese Churches Today, 26, Dec. 2000) Issue of Existence: Reasons for Living Issue of Lifes Crises: Reasons for Pain Issue of Death: Perspectives on Dying

Confucius Thinking Confucius Thinking Existence Confucius thought is the most practical based on the here and now To be a good person is to follow Heavenly Reason and your Conscience – Meaning of live is to be a moral person, not be influenced by outside forces but governed by internal goodness

Confucius Thinking Confucius Thinking Dealing with Crises Confucius thought is the most practical based on the moral strength of an individual Unlike Buddhism & Taoism: Cause & Effect – Acceptance of crises as unavoidable as fate – –,, –,,

Confucius Thinking Confucius Thinking Death & Dying Through a persons descendents and blood- ties to establish an ever-ending genealogy To establish achievement & recognition morally & verbally – There is no after-life, after-death, a person exists historically & in the memories of love ones –

Confucianism: The Drawbacks Professor Fu Wei-Feng, UC San Diego 94-Nov-14 Harvard Divinity School Community relation is not emphasized or developed. Focused too much on the individuals & family Community relation is not emphasized or developed. Focused too much on the individuals & family Lacks social responsibilities Lacks social responsibilities Not critical enough of negative characteristics of men Not critical enough of negative characteristics of men

Buddhism An Indian princes response to human pain –P–P–P–Prince lived a life of pleasure within palace gate –N–N–N–Noticed pain of peasants when outside gate Pondered about the sad human condition –P–P–P–Personal guilt of pleasure that was for granted –S–S–S–Social sufferings: Birth, aging, illness, death Bad things happen to you because you have done something wrong: Karma Death: Reincarnation: Good deeds

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking Existence : (),, Personal practice of Zen: Restful-sitting position of Meditation and Quiet Meditation to purity the spirit and the body to adjust to the changes of the complexities in living Similar to the New Age practice of Yoga & meditation: Personal & convenient

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking Dealing with Crises Temple Worship is based on Reciprocity Crisis Worship (Transactional) Crises-Bad Things happen: Retribution

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking (karma )Is Fate Accept or Change Fate by Prayers- Chants-Mantras or be Vegetarians (Not kill animal life-Preserve life to gain life) Performing good works, Set Animals Free to score points to Alter Fate

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking Death & Dying Reincarnation: Three Changes & Six Cycles Punishment for the bad is in 18th level of hell

Buddhist Thinking Buddhist Thinking To prevent the deceased from being cast into the 18th level of hell, family members (son) must perform good deeds to make up These Rituals become parts of mourning, It takes 18 years to return to adulthood (new life) :

Chinese Sexual Beliefs (Role of Women) (Adapted from Christian Ethics: Principles and Applications, Dr. Ping-Cheung Lo, Hong Kong Baptist University 92) Taoism Tenets: Longevity, Transcend to Become a god Methods: Methods: Diet, Qigong, Meditation By By Practicing Special Sexual Techniques –Take –Take from Yin to Compensate Yan »Virgins »Virgins & Women used as means to an end to benefit the Mens desire to have longevity –Return –Return Sperm to Compensate Brain »Sex »Sex to benefit Mens desire for longevity & stamina

The Five-Hierarchical Harmonious Relationships (The Five-Orders Wu Lun) Copyright (C) Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D

Biblical Order of Relationships The New Five-Orders Copyright © Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D Christ 1. Christ the King and His Children Children (Isaiah (Isaiah 9:6-7) Love and Sacrifice 2. Father 2. Father and Mother (Exodus 20:12) Love and Honor (Leave, Cleave becoming one flesh) 3. Husband 3. Husband and Wife (Ephesians (Ephesians 5: :21-25 ) Love and Commitment 4. Parents 4. Parents and Children (Ephesians (Ephesians 6:1-2 6:1-2 ) Love and Acceptance 5. Fellowship 5. Fellowship of Believers, Friend-Foe (1 (1 John 4: :11-12 ) One another love, Hospitality & Forgiveness (Mat 22:39)