OCB3 Revision Instructions - E1H

Revision focus You already have a complete rough draft (thesis + 2 body paragraphs) Today, focus on making that draft the best it can be

Outline - What you’ve already done Thesis Statement Body Paragraph 1 Topic Sentence (speaker + strategy 1 + message) Context for Quote #1 Blended sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #1 w/MLA citation) Analysis of Quote #1 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim Transition to context for Quote #2 Blended Sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #2 w/MLA citation) Analysis of Quote #2 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim Concluding Statement (transition?) Body Paragraph 2 Transition + Topic Sentence (speaker + strategy 2 + message) Context for Quote #3 Blended sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #3 w/MLA citation) Analysis of Quote #3 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim Transition to context for Quote #4 Blended Sentence (T.C.S. lead-in to Quote #4 w/MLA citation) Analysis of Quote #4 – explain effect on audience AND connect to speaker’s claim (transition?) Concluding Statement

Check your thesis statement In the {insert text type} “{insert text title},” {insert speaker name} uses {insert rhetorical strategy 1} & {insert rhetorical strategy 2} to persuade/convince {insert speaker’s claim}. Ex: In the TED Talk “What Adults Can Learn from Kids”, Adora Svitak uses logos and pathos to persuade adults that they need to have a more reciprocal relationship with kids and learn from them.

Check your topic sentence Topic sentence: (baby thesis statement) [speaker] + [strategy] + [message] Ex: Smith uses ethos to persuade her audience that meaning in life is more important.

TCS Transition See transitions to the side Context (paraphrase) Speaker Make sure this is addressed Possible transitions: Also Another For example As well While During After Before

Evidence Look at what you selected as your evidence: Does it serve the speaker’s purpose? Is it a strong example of that strategy?

Explanation of evidence Look at what you wrote for analysis: Did you identify how it is that strategy? Did you address how it persuade?

Explaining evidence is 2 steps Identify strategy Explain HOW it is persuasive HOW does it persuade? Ask yourself: How does this change a person’s mind? How does it make a person want to take action? What is the specific thing they are saying that causes the speaker to be persuasive?

Analyzing pathos? Identify specific emotion AND the detail that creates that emotion Highlight the emotion that is evoked in the audience, not the speaker BOLD when you refer to the cited specific detail in your analysis Ex: Svitak asks her audience to be a part of the positive change when she asks them “Are you ready to make the match?” because she asks them to be a part of a positive, possible change, thereby inspiring them to act differently. Then explain HOW this persuasive It’s not enough to just say there’s that emotion; how does that emotion make the audience want to act on the speaker’s message? Underline where you explain how How does it make you want to do what she says or change the way you think?

Analyzing logos? Identify specific fact/logic/statistic Highlight when you use the key word for logos BOLD when you refer to the cited specific fact/logic/statistic in your analysis Ex: She utilizes historical and contemporary cases of irrational, irresponsible behavior by citing several well-known instances of poor decision-making by adults that have caused global problems. By stating facts and real-world examples, Svitak uses logos to pivot the misconception that only children are immature, and she demonstrates that adults are also capable of this so-called “childish” behavior. Then explain HOW this persuasive It’s not enough to just say there’s that emotion; how does that emotion make the audience want to act on the speaker’s message? Underline where you explain how How does it make you want to do what she says or change the way you think?

Analyzing ethos? Identify specific element of credibility Highlight when you use the key word for ethos BOLD when you refer to the cited specific aspect in your analysis Ex: Svitak, as an author, has the personal experience of doing extraordinary things as a child, thereby proving that children are able to do incredible things. Then explain HOW this persuasive It’s not enough to just say there’s that emotion; how does that emotion make the audience want to act on the speaker’s message? Underline where you explain how How does it make you want to do what she says or change the way you think?

Transitions To go to your second body paragraph In addition Similarly Likewise To conclude (at the end of your second body paragraph) As a result Therefore Finally

Final proofreading Proofread your paper to make sure there are no mistakes Use spell check Read out loud to check phrasing No 1st/2nd person pronouns Check grammar (including punctuation)

Due date - Thursday at 11:59pm to Turnitin.com You will not have more time in class to work on your paper; however, you can work on it at home I will give you reminders, but make sure you meet your deadlines!

Sample essay In the TED Talk “What Adults Can Learn from Kids,” Adora Svitak uses logos and pathos to persuade adults to have more reciprocal relationships with kids. Svitak appeals to her audience’s sense of logic to prove adults and kids should learn from one another. She expresses frustration with adults’ stereotypes and mislabeling of children, as well as argues that age does not dictate ability or character. Early in her speech, Svitak challenges the definition of “childish” and demands her audience to “take a look at these events: Imperialism and colonization, world wars, George W. Bush. Ask yourself, who’s responsible? Adults” (Svitak). She utilizes historical and contemporary cases of irrational, irresponsible behavior by citing several well-known instances of poor decision-making by adults that have caused global problems. By stating facts and real-world examples, Svitak uses logos to pivot the misconception that only children are immature, and she demonstrates that adults are also capable of this so-called “childish” behavior. Svitak opens her speech in this manner in order to persuade adults that they should learn from kids because, as she later explicitly points out, adults do not have all the answers themselves. Similarly, Svitak uses logos again when she provides examples of young people accomplishing great feats. She mentions the past achievements of “Anne Frank [touching] millions with her powerful account of the Holocaust,” and more “recently, Charlie Simpson helped to raise 120,000 pounds for Haiti” (Svitak). She lists examples of children evoking positive change in an adult-run world as further evidence. By describing these factual events, the audience can logically conclude that it is possible and perhaps beneficial to put more faith in today’s youth. Svitak not only uses logos, but also pathos to show adults should value kids’ ideas. Additionally, Svitak appeals to her audience’s sense of emotion to convince adults to trust and support children’s imagination and talents…. [Repeat the steps above to complete this paragraph with 2 integrated quotes that are examples of pathos.]