The First Rule of Writing Show – Don’t Tell The First Rule of Writing

For Example Jack was afraid.

Revised As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the bricks gritty against his cheek. Sweat chilled his palms. He used both hands to steady the tire iron gripped in his hands.

For Example Dave thought Brenda was acting secretive.

Revised Brenda slammed his dresser drawer shut and spun around, her hands hidden behind her back. Her lips jerked into a stiff smile. "Dave! I-I thought you wouldn't be home until six o'clock."

For Example Tanner went to the store. He looked for food. He needed to find something to eat. He looked beside him and saw a girl. She spoke to him. He was nervous.

Revised Tanner studied the frozen dinners. He'd had turkey and dressing for the last four days, so Salisbury steak would be good for a change. But did he want the Hungry Man's or the regular? A scent teased his nose. Not the overwhelming smell of fish and frostbite, but a fresh smell, like the smell of skin just out of the shower. He glanced sideways and saw the most perfect arm he'd ever seen in his life. Long, slender, graceful, and covered in creamy, smooth skin. His eyes followed the arm to the shoulder and then the head. Her head. A head covered with long blond hair and containing a face that made his heart stop. "Hi," she said, her voice rich and melodious. Tanner's mouth didn't work. He tried to return her greeting, but only a grunt came out. He tried to smile politely, but his face erupted into a grin as large, toothy and goofy as a cartoon character's . . .

Strategies writers use to SHOW what is happening Describing the character’s actions rather than just saying how he or she feels. Using action verbs. Using similes and metaphors. Using dialogue. Appealing to the five senses to paint a picture of what is happening.

Another Strategy Picture your story as a movie Reflect on what camera “shots” you would record Make a list of these shots Now turn these into word pictures

Example—Swick’s class is boring. Telling Sentence Camera Shots Tanner’s head on the desk in a pool of drool. Swick lecturing on and on. A shot of Juanita with a glazed expression. A shot of the activity occurring inside Juanita’s head – total white space and silence. Swick continues lecture. Trenton looks hopefully to the door when he hears a noise. Shot of the door where nothing happens. Shot of Swick turning her back and continuing to lecture. Trenton tries to sneak toward the door doing an army crawl. The door opens squeaking slightly. Gage notices Trenton makes it to freedom. Gage signals rest of the class to follow him in an army crawl to freedom.

Swick’s Class is Boring. The room was devoid of all activities of interest. Other than the nasal voice of a teacher, the only true “life” that could be detected in the room came from one lone student, Tanner, who had dipped his head onto his desk and softly snored to the rhythm of the teacher’s droning. Occasionally, he would suck in loudly and disrupt the pool of drool that laced his head. The sound was far from pleasant. Quietly accepting their fate, students sat slouched in their desks with glazed looks that suggested their minds were far away. “Class a participle is the single most important part of any true writer’s arsenal . . .” The old woman’s voice did not register in Juanita’s mind because she was no longer in the classroom; instead, she was deep in a reverie. In front of her eyes a white blank wall stared back at her as she happily listened to . . . well, nothing . . . nothing at all. From the vacant look in her eyes, one could easily ascertain that she rarely had a thought worthy of merit . . . much like the teacher who continued to babble at the front of the room. Near the door, Trenton desperately eyed the entry for any sign of activity—anything to put him out of his misery.

Your Turn Select a part of your story to “show” and write 4 to 5 camera shots. Now turn this into a word picture. Trade papers with your neighbor to get an opinion on whether you are showing instead of telling.