GET THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT without being the parent you hate Deborah Gilboa, MD www.AskDoctorG.com
hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: Confidence Competence Relationships hap·pi· ness: noun
“Happiness Now” Pressure Unattainable Conflicts with resilience Removes opportunity for resilience “practice” Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok Limits the resources we offer We’re terrible at predicting it for others
If you could wave a magic wand... Which behavior would you change at home?
Change the reaction.
YOU NEED A PLAN 1. Pick a behavior. 2. Decide on consequences. 3. Meet as a family. 4. Stick to it!
Methods: CHANGE “HOW- TO” Key ingredient: CONSISTENCY. Distraction Separation Non-response Losing priveleges Contracts Key ingredient: CONSISTENCY.
3 R’s of PARENTING Respect Responsibility Resilience That’s my kid! Responsibility Build a great work ethic. Resilience Manage difficulty.
RESPECT WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS RESPECT Recognizing worth or excellence Showing regard or consideration Impossible to give if you don’t have any Crucial for success.
RESPECT WHAT IS IT? DEMONSTRATE RESPECT Tone of voice. Titles of respect. Eye contact Body Language Secret Code Negotiating Parental privacy 3 sentences; amazing results!
RESPECTFUL TECH USE When? What? Where? How much? Why???
RESPONSIBILITY Chores/roles Homework Practice Leadership Service One work ethic; 2 sentences
RESILIENCE “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!” Mistakes teach resilience. Praise the process. Let life teach the lesson. Choices, within limits. Encourage some risk-taking. Reach out for resources! “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”
RESILIENCE CHALLENGES Mistakes Accidents Pain Social consequences Judgment 11:00 News…
When-not-if Language Set Remove Model Set expectations Model the cycle Remove Remove the premise of failure Set Set expectations When-not-if Language
Resilience requires trust. FINDING RESILIENCE Resilience requires trust.
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