Prerequisites and boundaries Dating & sex Prerequisites and boundaries

God created man, women, & sex Genesis 1 -2: God created man, woman and said it is Good God said – the man and women are to join together and become as one unit This is what the bible terms covenant – god’s view – sex equals a marriage covenant Together they represent the full character of god – maleness and females together Also they represent the relationship of the church and Christ

Intro: Foundation of trust God’s heart toward you - Jeremiah 31:3 – I have loved you with an everlasting love. Psalms 84:11 – I provide good things for my children. Jeremiah 29:11 – i have good plans for your life, trust me. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the lord with all your heart do not rely on your own insight (secular thinking: Judges 17:6 - each one did what was right in their own eyes)

Prerequisite 1 : be the right person Major life decisions 1) who or what will be my god ? Lord and master. Luke 9:23 2) what will be my contribution to god’s world - career ? 1 peter 4:10 3) who will be my mate / companion through life/ husband or wife? Ephesians 5:29-32 These 3 big decisions will guide the course of your life & potential to glorify god!!

Prerequisite 2 : god’s priorities Matthew 22: 36-40 1) love god 2) love yourself 3) Love others relationships

1) Knowing and loving god Are you growing in knowing and loving god? Or captured by other idols? Priority - Seeking first his person and building his kingdom – Matthew 6:33 Valuing knowing Jesus above all other pursuits – Philippians 3:8 Staying devoted to Jesus – 2 Corinthians 11:3

2) a Healthy self love Are you developing a healthy self love / self care? Deut. 33;12 ( beloved – god’s heart) Physically – 3 john 1:2 Mentally – Philippians 4:8 Emotionally – Philippians 4:6-7 Spiritually – psalms 46:10

3) Loving heart toward others Are you developing healthy relationships with others: men and women – 1 tim. 5:1-2 Winning an Oscar !! Men – you are to treat all young women in the world as your sisters Women – you are to treat all young men in the world as your brothers You will only have one in your life you will love romantically !! Don’t make romance an idol!!

summary dATING AND MARRIAGE THRIVE WHEN 2 HEALTHY PEOPLE ARE ABLE TO GENUINELY LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY (AS GOD DOES), WITHOUT THE EXPECTATION THAT THE OTHER PERSON IS GOING TO MEET ALL YOUR NEEDS.

PREREQUISITE 3: TIMING God has the right timing for each person. Be willing to pursue personal growth until he clearly leads you into a relationship. Scott’s story

Boundaries for healthy dating foundational principles Spirit led and empowered 2 Tim 1:7 Wise and self disciplined 1 Peter 5:8

1) Never date a person that you would say “ I would never marry _____, but it is fun to date them. Non- Christian god Immature or unhealthy believer New babe in Christ who does not have jesus as their first love Guy gal

2) Communicate a clear purpose Friendship: I want to hang out as a brother or sister for coffee as friends Get to know: I’m interested to know you better and would like to see if we can date Serious interest: I have been attracted to you for some time & want to see if you are open to a serious dating relationship seeing if it might be of God for us to be together

3) Set time boundaries How often to text, talk, go on a date How long of a date, never stay out too late, you are more likely to let your guard down Too close, too soon – easy to move too fast emotionally and physically Don’t let this person become your whole world

4) Get an accountability partner Be open about your interest as soon as possible before dating – don’t hide!! Ask for advise from a trusted mentor, leader – am I ready, are they ready? Meet regularly to keep accountable with the progress of the relationship If god is leading toward a serious commitment get someone who can meet with both of you.

5) A healthy mindset “As a man thinks in his heart, so will he be” proverbs 23:7 Set your mind on seeking to walk in purity of thought and motive – Phil 4:8 Psalms 119:9,11 – memorize and meditate on truth Focus conversation on getting to know person: life vision, interests, background

6) Guard your heart Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of LIFE – Prov. 4:23 Protect your heart and emotions from getting ahead of where you need to be Don’t give your heart away too fast – assume where the relationship is going As jesus often to search your heart and motives to stay pure – Psalms 139:23-24 Never say “I love you until you are clear you are ready to propose marriage.

7) Body boundaries Perspective: my body is a temple of the holy spirit 1 Cor. 6:19-20 Guide: any form of tough that brings arouses your date sexually is too much! Ephesians 5:3 – not even a hint of sexual immorality among you! Never give into someone saying, “if you love me you would let me!” 2 tim. 2:22 – flee / run from youthful lusts, and pursue right living, faith, love, peace

8) Location, location, location Always stay in public places on your date Never sit in a parked car for an extended period of time Never go into the dates bedroom

Summary God has your best in mind – always surrender to his will and wisdom Gen 1:27 – you are created to bear god’s image and bring him glory Walk in accountability with a leader or older mentor