Completing the Story --To be polished 读后续写讲评课 by Shilling

What are the major problems in your writing? Coherent sentence1衔接句 Coherent sentence2 coherent sentence3t

Final aim is to get high marks In this lesson, students are able to 1. develop the paragraph logically based on the original story by focusing on coherent sentences 2.learn to polish the writing with rich language

Task1: Retell the original story “5W1H” climax (高潮) ？ development beginning ending Somebody：Who is the main character? Wanted: What did the character want? But: What was the problem? So: How did the character try to solve the problem? Then: What did the character do?

Task2: Clarify what will be written ？ Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea._________________ Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom. __________________________________________________ What was the idea? Underlined words: Mother's Day, present, newspaper, advertisement, shopping spree,the best mother, hug, an envelope, his entry, his prize How to make his entry the special present to his best mother?

Task3: Assess the first coherent sentence Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea._________________ Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom. 衔接句1 S1: He copied the entry and got an envelope. --XX S2: How about changing characters and let me take care of mom as she did. --叶 S3: It occurred to him that he should put his original competition article as a present on Mother's Day. --黄 S4: Without a second thought he ran to his room, taking out a pencil and the paper . --蔡 S5: “Why not copy my entry to my mom?” Jim thought to himself. Then he rushed into his bedroom. --戴 S5: “Why not copy my entry to my mom?”

Tip：Logic coherent sentences matter. 衔接句1 Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea. Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom. 衔接句1 Sample: “Why not copy my entry to my mom?” Jim thought to himself. Then he rushed into his bedroom... What action(verbs) will be written next?

Task4: Polish your writing with rich language Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea._________________ Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom. 衔接句1 衔接句2

Task4: Polish your writing with rich language Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea._________________ Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom. 衔接句1 “Why not present my entry to my mom?” Jim thought to himself. He quickly ran into his room to find his original entry and that newspaper. Then he copied it with pencils and crayons on a big piece of paper. After that, he decorated the paper with a bunch of carnations and glued a photo of his mom on that large advertisement, and stuck his work on the newspaper. Without hesitation, he rushed to his room to find his original contest entry. Taking out his bright red crayons,he started to copy it neatly on the biggest piece of yellow construction paper. After that, he decorated the paper with a shape of love, to the bottom of which he glued a picture of his mom and him hugging tightly. Everything finished, he admired what he had done, uttering “Nothing could be better than my present. ” With great sense of satisfaction, he slid into his bed and fell fast asleep that night. 衔接句2

Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea. Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom. 衔接句3 What will Jim say? What will Mom react? What will they feel? hug or not hug? “And she gives the best hug, but never in front of my friends, who would laugh at me for hugging my mom.”

Focus on the two given sentences Rewrite Para 2 Focus on the two given sentences Para 1: Suddenly he had an idea. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Para 2: The next morning Jim handed his present to his mom.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 衔接句1 衔接句2 衔接句3

Homework: Self-Improvement 重新修改 1.情节 Logic plot ± 10分 2.语言 Appropriate language ± 5分 3.过渡句 Coherent sentences ± 3分 4.划线词 Five more underlined words ± 3分 5.书写 Handwriting ±3分

What makes your writing good ? 1. Bouncing from the couch, Jim rushed to his desk,searching for his entry. --夏雅婷 2. Reading the words on the envelope, mom grinned with a little satisfaction. --- 徐速 3.Mother was so moved beyond words that she couldn't help hugging his son tightly. ---陈语量 4. Tears stream down his rosy cheeks. --- 林博 5. Exhausted, Jim slid into his bed and fell fast asleep that night.