Habit #5 – Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood (Part 2)

Review of Poor Listening Styles Spacing out Pretend Listening Selective Listening Word Listening Self-Centered Listening Judging Advising Probing

Genuine Listening

10 Steps to Genuine Listening

Step #1 of Genuine Listening Listen to what is not said with words - 93% of what is “said” has nothing to do with words - pay attention to body language and tone

Notice the Tone & Body Language Try saying these sentences aloud while emphasizing the underlined words. Notice the body language that occurs when the underlined word is emphasized. I didn’t say you had an attitude problem.

Step #2 of Genuine Listening Stand in their shoes - See the situation from their perspective

Step #3 of Genuine Listening Practice Mirroring - repeating back the meaning of what was said using your own words - don’t just focus on the words that were said Statement: “I don’t have any friends. Everyone hates me.” Mirroring: “It must be tough moving to a new school.”

“So, what you’re saying is…” Mirroring Phrases “So, what you’re saying is…” “You feel that…” “I can see that you’re feeling…” “So, what you’re saying is…”

Step #4 of Genuine Listening Make regular eye contact

Step #5 of Genuine Listening Watch your body language Turn head and body toward speaker Don’t cross arms (open arms leads to open communication) Lean in towards speaker

Step #6 of Genuine Listening Nod your head

Step #7 of Genuine Listening Do not interrupt while the speaker is speaking

Step #8 of Genuine Listening Ask clarifying questions or follow-up questions when appropriate

Step #9 of Genuine Listening Smile

Step #10 of Genuine Listening Look interested

Activity Cards

Silent Reading Read about genuine listening on pages 171-179 in the book entitled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey.

Active Listening Practice Choose a topic from the bottom of the “Active Listening Checklist” Be prepared to speak for 3 minutes. Observe group members and record active listening behaviors