Analysis and Assessment of Summary Writing 瑞安十中 金秀英

Learning objectives: Make improvements in: 1. Content ( complete and concise) 2. Language (accurate and rich) 3. Structure ( coherent) First, let’s know about our learning objectives in this class. That is:

? ? ? Revision: standards technologies For kids license, training, screenings Safest smartest ? Safe environment replace…., green fuels ? And are you still clear about the main points of the passage?

Content---- complete and concise Assessment: Task1: Analyze and judge unsuitable points in content Content---- complete and concise Assessment: Content 1 Does it cover all the points? 2 . Are there any unnecessary details? 3. Is it concise? 4. Are there any personal opinions?

Language– accurate and rich (1)A large number of students go to school and home by the school bus. It is the safest for kids. (2) Compared with other vehicles, the school buses meet more safety standards and many new technologies make them even safer. (3)The drivers should get a license and finish training as well as go through strict screenings. (4) And the buses are friendly to the environment. (5) I do think parents should send their children to school by the school bus. Now let’s focus on the content. It must be complete and concise. Please read the passage which is from one of our classmates. analyse and judge which points are unsuitable in content Tip3: No personal opinions

Assessment: Language structure Task2: Analyze and judge unsuitable points in language Assessment: Language 1 . Are there any language mistakes? 2 . Are there any sentences copied from the original passage? 3. Are the languages rich? structure 1. Are there any transitional words? 3

=are recommended / encouraged to (1) The school bus is the largest transport system and is recognized as the safest for kids. (2) The school buses meet more of nation’s motor vehicle safety standards than any other vehicle and many new technologies make them even safer. (3) Apart from get a license, the drivers should finish training and undergo strict screenings. (4) The buses are benefit the environment due to its huge space and green fuels. (5) Parents advice to choose the school bus for their kids. getting are advised to Now the points are complete and the language is accurate. But is it ok to put all the points together? We need to add some proper transitional words to make the summary coherent. =are recommended / encouraged to benefit/ are beneficial to/ are friendly to/ environmentally friendly tip

Tip5: Add transitional words to make it coherent(连贯) The school bus, the largest transport system, is recognized as the safest for kids. Not only do the school buses reach more safety standards but they are equipped with new technologies. Apart from getting a license, the drivers should finish training and undergo strict screenings. And the buses, powered by green fuels, benefit the environment by decreasing the number of cars. Parents are advised to choose the school bus for their kids. Tip5: Add transitional words to make it coherent(连贯)

Firstly/ For one thing Secondly/ For another Task 3. Add proper transitional words The school bus, the largest transport system, is recognized as the safest in America. _1_Not only do the school buses reach more safety standards but they are equipped with new technologies. _2_Apart from getting a license, the drivers should finish training and undergo strict screenings. _3_And the buses, powered by green fuels, benefit the environment by decreasing the number of cars. _4_Parents are advised to choose the school bus for their kids. Firstly/ For one thing Secondly/ For another Besides/Additionally/ Meanwhile… Therefore/Thus/ Consequently …

Task4 : Polish your writing! Content 1 Does it cover all the points? 2 . Are there any unnecessary details? 3. Is it concise? 4. Are there any personal opinions? Language 5. Are there any language mistakes? 6 . Are there any sentences copied from the original passage? 7. Are the languages rich? structure 8. Are there any transitional words?

One possible version: The school bus , the largest system, is acknowledged as the safest in the US. Firstly, not only does it reach more safety standards but it is technologically equipped. Secondly, the drivers professionally trained, specially qualified and strictly screened contribute to its safety . Additionally, school buses, powered by green fuels, are environmentally friendly by decreasing the number of cars on the road. Therefore, parents are recommended to choose the school bus. (72words)

Further polish your writing according to the assessment Homework:

Thanks for your cooperation!

detail Tip1: Don’t mistake details for main points Para.1 The familiar yellow school bus is the largest system of mass transportation in the US and every school day transports roughly 25 million young people to school and home again after the school day ends. …Meanwhile. they are the safest method for getting kids to and from school, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration(NHTSA)……. detail As the largest system, the school bus serves as the safest way in America. (陈可萱) The school bus, the largest system in the US, is viewed as the safest. （陈炜） Tip1: Don’t mistake details for main points No unnecessary details A large number of students go to school and home by the school bus. It is the safest for kids. What’s wrong with this sentence? Is it suitable for para.1?

supporting points Tip2: Cover main points and supporting points Para.4 School buses are safe for the environment, because each bus replaces 36 passenger cars that would, but for the buses, be on the road taking and picking up school children. Additionally, school buses use alternative green fuels like natural gas, and electric power. supporting points Tip2: Cover main points and supporting points School buses are friendly to environment. School buses are environmentally friendly since they reduce the use of cars and use green fuels. （陈雅璐） Now the points are complete, but replace and use green fuels are original language. we’d better paraphrase them. Who’d like to have a try? So, Besides content, language also matters.

copy Tips3 : 1). Paraphrase with synonyms （同义替换） Summary for Para.2 These school buses meet more of the nation’s motor vehicle safety standards than any other vehicles on the road. Also, several new technologies available today are making school buses even safer, such as video cameras on the inside and outside, stop arm cameras, GPS tracking and collision lessening systems. Reaching higher standards and equipped with advanced technologies, the school bus is safer than other vehicles. （王科程） Not only do the school buses achieve high safety standards but they are equipped with new technologies. （潘铭洲） Besides high safety standards, new technologies are applied to guarantee its safety. （万里炯） Tips3 : 1). Paraphrase with synonyms （同义替换） 2). Transform the sentence patterns （句式转换） copy How about this sentence? Is it good enough ? Wrong understanding ; A little wordy. The school buses meet more of nation’s motor vehicle safety standards than any other vehicles and many new technologies make them even safer.

Compare : 1 The buses benefit the environment due to its huge space and green fuels. 2 The buses, powered by green fuels, benefit the environment by decreasing the number of cars on the road . more accurate It replaces 36 passenger cars. (original)