Ambiguous Loss & Grief of a Love One with Dementia

Ambiguous loss & grief What is ambiguous loss?   Ambiguous loss is a type of loss that happens when a person with dementia is physically present, but at times psychologically absent. A family member caring for a person with dementia may experience ongoing stress and grief due to ambiguous loss of having a spouse or parent still here, but not present in the same way as before.

Ambiguous loss is different from the loss and grief of sudden death.

An example would be that in sudden death you know the person is gone, and family and friends will often be there to support you through your grieving. At some point you will find closure.

Ambiguous loss complicates grief. Many times it’s difficult for the caregiver to know whether or not, and how to grieve when characteristics of the family member with dementia are gone, yet aspects remain

Family and friends may not understand that the caregiver may need to grieve the losses at different stages of the disease. Caregivers also need the support of family and friends while the family member with dementia is alive.

Why it is important to recognize ambiguous loss and grief? If the caregiver’s ambiguous loss and grief isn’t understood it can become debilitating. One’s lack of understanding causes the grief to build and the caregiver starts to feel alone.

This causes the spouse or family member to question their role.  -Am I still married if my spouse doesn’t know me anymore? -Is he still a parent to our children if he doesn’t know them anymore? -Am I still the daughter if I am now mothering my mother, my father? (P.3)

Putting a name to ones loss and grieve can help you the caregiver to better cope and start the healing process during the many role changes. You must learn to adjust their goals, which is not to end your relationship with your love one, but to change your thinking so that it will fit the relationship as it changes because of the dementia. .

Trying a new way to deal with the stress of loss and grief, one can use both-and thinking to change perceptions:   -She is both gone and still here. -I take care of both him and myself. -I am both a caregiver and a person with my own needs. -I both wish it was over and wish that my loved one keeps on living.(P.14)

Changes in ones perceptions can greatly affect how one deals with uncertainty.

References Boss PhD, P. (2011). Loving Someone Who Has Dementia (pp. 1-19). San Franisco,CA: Jossey-Bass. Collins, C., Liken, M., King, S., & Kokinakis, C. (1997, May). Loss and Grief Among Family Caregivers of Relatives With Dementia. Qualitative Health Research, 3(2), 236-253. Retrieved July 13, 2013 Meuser PhD, T. M., & Marwit PhD, S. J. (2001, October). A Comprehensive, Stage-Sensitive Model of Grief in Dementia Caregiving. The Gerontologist, 41(5), 658-670. Retrieved July 13, 2013 Noyes, B. B., Hill, R. D., Hicken, B. L., Luptak, M., Rupper, R., Dailey, N. K., & Bair, B. D. (2010, February). The Role of Grief in Dementia Caregiving. American Journal of Alzheimer's Disese and Other Dementias, 25(1), 9-17. doi:10.1177/1533317509333902

Resource http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIf98n0MXWw&feature=player_detailpag